Need Advice: My Far Right Christian FIL Gives Me Anxiety
It’s been a rough month and this situation has my blood boiling.
I’m 36, wife is 35. We’ve been together 6 years and married for 3. She comes from a strict southern Baptist family and grew up in a very, very rural area. Her father grew up on the farm too and besides the farm, Facebook, the Bible and his wife, he doesn’t have much else to keep him occupied. Because of that, he loves to get involved in everyone else’s business and is a huge gossip. He’s also a bit of a jerk. He tells me he wants more grandchildren but he’s pretty open about how he doesn’t like the ones he’s got. He’s a hypochondriac who wears an industrial mask inside and outside the house and has a standing doctors appointment every two weeks to get checked out for any ailment he thinks he has. He’s very difficult to have a conversation with because everything leads back to Christianity. Watching a football game and a player makes a good play? His commentary is “you know he’s a Christian, right?” Doesn’t listen to any music besides Christian rock. Doesn’t read anything that doesn’t relate to spirituality (and more importantly, is aligned with his views). Doesn’t watch movies unless it’s about Christianity, has a Christian message, or stars a Christian actor.
His ultra conservative Christian beliefs also wear on me. I spent 8 years in Catholic schools and universities so I’ve had a good amount of theology and feel comfortable in my faith. But he still likes to push his beliefs on my wife and I.
For example, he asked my wife how often I read the Bible. My wife was honest and said not the frequently. Then I get a text from him with a Bible reading plan and notecards for Christmas so I can write by favorite verses and put them around the house. He’s also critical about attending Church every Sunday and he even went so far as to email his pastor and CC me on it because I liked to play basketball on Sunday evenings and he thought that was breaking the sabbath. He’s critical of my wife for not cooking every night and he tells me every chance he gets that I need to be the “spiritual leader of the household”. For birthdays and Christmas, he’ll give me the books he’s screened about Christianity and will sometimes quiz me on them to make sure I’ve actually read them (thankfully, every book follows the same premise: good times, then hard times, leaned on faith, good times again)
In the past month, my wife and I have been having a hard time. Right now, my job situation is tenuous and I have no idea if I’ll have a job month after month. Adding to the pressure is we moved states for my job 2 years ago and my best prospects for employment are going back to where we just came, which my wife really hated where we used to live. My wife has a close relationship with her mother so she’s been telling her about the stress and how’s it’s impacting our marriage. But then her mom tells her dad everything about the conversation and then he gets involved.
We’ve been seeing a Christian counselor for the last six months who is really good, but her father says that we need to see a Biblical Counselor instead, gave my wife recommendations and wants to pay for it. This week, I’ve told him I appreciate his help but I would like to keep matters like this in my marriage and my wife and I would handle it. But that really hasn’t stopped him. Every day, I get text after text with Bible verses, sermons he likes and books I need to read. I’ve been ignoring them but I still get messages like “I’m just trying to help but it doesn’t seem like you don’t want it…” His belief is that we’ve strayed away from the Bible and only Scripture can solve our issues. That’s why he wants us to see a Biblical Counselor, so they can tell us that sin has been dragging us down.
I have a really hard time telling my wife I’d like to limit time spent with her family because she’s very close with her mom, brother and nieces and with my job, we’ve had to move further away from them. I’m also concerned that she’s been listening to her dad too much because I’ve heard her use phrases that I’ve previously only heard from him. Like “spiritual leader” or “Christ centered life”.
Im just at a breaking point. Holidays and family get togethers are already awkward enough. Add in the issues we’ve been having in our marriage and her dad trying to “help” gives me massive anxiety. I’m also burnt out on Christianity. All the talks about going to church every Sunday, joining a Bible study, going to Sunday school (which I thought was only for kids) and reading books and listening to sermons has really worn me down.