My sister doesn't love me anymore and I don't know how to cope
The title might be a little dramatic, but that's what I feel like. Ok so I (22F) have a little sister (19F) who I honestly love to death. I don't think I'm exaggerating if I say at some low low point of my life she was honestly the only reason why I didn't want to exit this world, because I couldn't do that to her.
At the time I was quite depressed and didn't have a great relationship with my parents over all, I am now in a better headspace and have more reasons not to, hopefully.
So, anyways. We have always had a great relationship since we were little, we both liked making up and acting out little stories and stuff, talking for hours before going to bed and all that. We screamed at each other quite often as well, but it was clear we loved each other most.
She was my person, and I was hers. We used to watch stuff together anytime we could, make fanfiction and all that (we spend covid mostly binge watching b99 for once), and we never got tired of each others.
With school and different commitments we obviously got a little more busy, but we made it a point to have at least one day a week, usually a Friday, to have sister quality time. Then I moved out for college, and I could only come home every four months or so. Still, we had hour long calls and it felt no different from usual: she was there for me, and I was there when she needed me. Over time I started to hang out with my best friend (F22) and my sister together, as a trio. And it worked honestly, we called each other everyday, and sometimes we would call a little more just the two of us.
Then I have no clue what happened, we got busy and the calls ended completely. My sister made new friends, got a boyfriend (who was a pedo but that's another story), broke up with said boyfriend and started going out as often as she could. We have had fights over this, where I kept telling her that I wanted to spend more time with her, because I loved her, and she basically said she was doing all she could and I had to back off, since I wasn't her boyfriend.
It hurt a lot, and along those days I felt like I was just a stranger in her life. When she broke up with her boyfriend it felt a little like everything was back into place, only for a while. Then I started feeling alienated even when I was home, in the same house as her: she didn't want to pick me up from the airport, as she was busy with her friends. The whole week she was busy with school, and in the weekend with her friends, so there was no time for me.
I have repeatedly tried to communicate this feelings (although admittedly maybe a way that was a little too petty), and everytime she says that it's the same old story and she has her own life and it's not true, and she loves me and I don't believe her. I honestly don't. How do I believe someone who tells me she misses me, that she loves me, but doesn't have any time to talk to me, even ten minutes? She says she is so very busy school, and sure she is, but how is she not busy to go out friday, Saturday and Sunday with friends, but too busy to even give me a crumble of her time?
I keep telling myself that I should let it go, that it only hurts me more to think about it, that I should simply accept the situation for what it is and call it a day. But I can't do that. I imagine our lives in 10 years and not speaking to her, and it breaks my heart. I feel betrayed, like I am mourning the loss of my soulmate. I don't know this new person who doesn't care for me in any meaningful way, and I don't know what to do about that. I don't think I can fix this, because she just doesn't see it. She acts like this is all we have ever been, and I can't mend a relationship that she ignores.
I'm sorry if this makes little sense, I only wanted to get out my thoughts, as it seems I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. Hah. I also apologize about the grammar and structure of the post, English is not my first language and I honestly don't have it in me to read it all again and edit it. I am not looking for opinions, specifically, but I kinda want to know if anyone else has been going through this, and if it gets better.