I’m afraid to burden my family and friends with another post about him so I’m writing here. Obligatory sorry for the formatting I’m typing on my phone.
I know it gets better but sometimes I wish it never would. I lost my 15 yo soul cat on July 1st, 2025, at around 8 am. We found out that same night that he was rapidly losing weight due to very late stage cancer that was growing in his chest. It was eating at his lung and rib cage and there was really nothing anyone could do but put him down. I remember his last breath. I remember the empty look in his eyes when I held him for the last time. I still have that photo in my phone. I since moved out for college but at night I still feel the emptiness on my legs when I lie down to sleep bc he used to lay there with me every night. Even when it’s a new place, even if it’s a different bed. He was everything to me. He loved me when I hated myself. He loved me when I felt like I didn’t deserve it.
I also feel guilty because my grandpa died literally the next day but I felt too numb and depressed to process his death, too. My mom took me the day of my kitty’s passing to the sea to clear our heads. I remember coming back home to all the new food we ordered for him, the new litter and the still half eaten sour cream he left on a plate bc he refused to eat much. We didn’t have enough money for a proper burial or cremation so we let the clinic just take his body. I wish I had something of him with me everyday. I honestly don’t know what else to say, I just miss him so bad. I don’t want to feel depressed but I also don’t want to not feel anything for him. I wish I could adopt someone new, but my roommate has a cat already and I don’t want to stress them out (the two cats).
This may as well just be the period hormones but I feel horrible and I just want to go to sleep but my nose is so stuffy and I can’t stop crying.
Thanks for reading