u/Commercial_War_3113

Basically, the way I act now feels like a weird mix of old social anxiety habits, social skills I learned over the years, and what I genuinely want to say or do.

The problem is I can’t separate any of it anymore. My personality feels kind of messed up, and honestly, the fact that I keep failing to build healthy relationships with people makes me think something is clearly off.

I don’t even know where the problem is coming from anymore. Maybe it’s something in me. Maybe it’s because of my past. Maybe I’ve just spent too much time in environments and around people that don’t fit me at all.

I genuinely have no idea.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve basically been a bird trying to live with a bunch of penguins this whole time.

Or maybe I’m actually a bird with no wings trying to force myself to learn how to fly.

Anyway, I started wondering if there are any INTJs here who actually have healthy friendships and relationships.

How do you normally deal with people?

More specifically, what do you think is different about the way you think or act compared to most people, and how does that affect your relationships, both in good and bad ways?

I'm trying to choose an IT field, but I'm worried about how AI might affect jobs in the next few years.

What fields would you recommend that are still worth learning long-term?

what IT fields do you personally enjoy or feel naturally good at?

Even though I’m 25 now, I’ve never stayed in one job for more than about two months.

Every time, I either get mentally and physically exhausted and quit, or my performance becomes bad and I end up getting fired.

I haven’t worked in the field I studied at university, so most of the jobs I’ve had were things like restaurants, malls, or customer service.

Right now I work as a content moderator for a well-known app. The shift is 10 hours, including a one-hour break.

The job requires reviewing around 700 short videos every day, usually between 30 seconds and one minute each.

The thing is, I’ve felt miserable since the first day. I’m constantly exhausted, and it’s even worse because the social environment at work doesn’t really suit me, so that drains me even more.

But whenever I ask other people, especially coworkers who started on the exact same day as me, none of them really complain about the job. They all basically agree that it’s only moderately difficult. They say you can’t even compare it to something like restaurant work, apart from the changing shifts and irregular days off.

So why?

I genuinely don’t understand why I always end up mentally and physically exhausted. Why do I feel tired all the time?

I pay attention to my diet, I intentionally eat a lot, and I even stop trying to improve myself sometimes and just play games or watch movies because I’m trying to rest.

But I’m still exhausted.

To be more accurate, I try to shut my brain off with games and movies, but I fail badly. I never stop thinking about the past, the present, and the future. I’m also kind of obsessed with improving myself, so maybe that’s part of the reason. I honestly don’t know.

I’m not happy.

And now I’m thinking about quitting my job again, even though I’ve only been there for about a month and a half.

Is the problem me?

Or have I just been unlucky with the jobs I’ve had?

Am I simply spoiled or weak and unable to handle normal work?

The thing is, I really do try. I push myself and try to tolerate it, but I always seem to collapse eventually. And when I look at my coworkers, I don’t see the same level of misery in them that I feel in myself.

Maybe I’m arrogant somehow? Maybe I can’t stop wanting to move forward and just accept reality?

Or maybe I’m too aware of everything to be able to accept this kind of life?

Because I think about escaping a lot.

Just escaping everything completely.

I know this happens to me because I’m introverted, and it has happened many times before, but I just want to know if this is normal. Does this happen to you too?

My problem is with my new job. I get extremely drained, and the exhaustion doesn’t really go away. It’s gotten to the point where I keep losing focus, while my coworkers who started at the same time as me seem to be doing fine.

I had a history of social anxiety. I got much better a few months ago, but its effects are still deeply rooted in the way I behave.

The problem I recently realized is that the way I feel around people isn’t normal. I now understand that people actually become genuinely comfortable with others and act naturally around them, and that this is a big part of how friendships form.

But I don’t feel that.

I feel like I’ve lost myself. I don’t really know anymore:

“Is this actually what I wanted to say?”

“Is this really me?”

I’ve become very good at adapting to people, but over time the problem becomes more obvious because my discomfort keeps increasing. I don’t get closer to people. If anything, I feel like they start pulling away from me because the adapting becomes more obvious over time.

The problem is that I honestly don’t know how to be myself anymore.

I don’t understand what normal thoughts and feelings between people are supposed to feel like.

I don’t know.

Maybe it’s because I’m extremely introverted and naturally prefer being alone and having peace and quiet, which feels almost completely opposite to social interaction.

So what am I supposed to do?

Any advice? Any books?

The thing is, I tend to take my job seriously, unlike most of my coworkers. And after thinking about it, I realized that in almost every job I’ve had, one of my biggest problems was that I took the work too seriously.

Even management doesn’t seem to prefer people like me anyway. They usually prefer someone more flexible who doesn’t take everything too seriously, as long as they still do the minimum required.

So what do you think?

Am I wrong?

What if I’m actually the biggest idiot in the room?

My experience with life so far has taught me that I’m just an ordinary person. Average intelligence, missing a lot of skills, nothing special really.

But at the same time, I feel very different from most people.

I notice things other people don’t seem to notice. Sometimes I act in ways that probably look weird to others just because I believe it’s the morally right thing to do.

I grew up in a religious and conservative society, yet at some point I was able to leave religion and become an atheist. And at the same time, you can find people my age who are far more talented and successful than me, yet they’re still extremely religious.

So I don’t understand.

How can someone as ordinary as me think this differently?

How can I see things that other people don’t seem to notice?

How can I feel strongly about things that other people don’t seem to feel anything about?

And that brings me to the real question:

What if I’m the one who’s wrong?

My life so far has been one failure after another. I haven’t really succeeded at anything, and even in the things I did manage to do, I was never more than average.

I’m an ordinary person, maybe even below average in some ways.

So what if the way I see the world is wrong?

What if my philosophical and moral views are wrong?

What if my atheism is wrong?

In general, I am not very quick-witted, and this makes it hard for me to build effective sentences in the moment.

For example, people with a good sense of humor can get away with many things because they know how to turn awkward or uncomfortable situations into something socially acceptable. It is almost as if they can communicate: “Sorry, I did not mean anything bad, and I respect you, but I had to do this.”

That is the skill I feel I lack. Maybe it could be called self-expression, social wording, or conversational tact.

I have already read famous books like How to Win Friends and Influence People, so I am not looking for general books about communication or social skills.

What I need is something more specific: a book that helps with handling particular social situations, choosing better sentence structures, and expressing myself clearly without sounding awkward, rude, defensive, or overly apologetic.

It doesn't matter what, even if there is a character in a novel who has influenced you in some way, mention it to us.

The thing is, I used to suffer from social anxiety. I didn't have a personality because I saw myself as strange and incomplete.

But with time, I learned to love myself and I learned why I should suffer for someone else. I learned that human personalities are different and unique, even if their proportions differ.

So, I started avoiding relationships with people I knew I wouldn't connect with, not because I'm arrogant, but because I have to, to conserve my social energy throughout the day.

But it seems... it seems I've gone too far in acting like myself, because I've become a complete INJT (and this is actually the first time I've ever acted like myself).

Even tough I know the downsides, there's really nothing I can do. All I can do is force myself to smile in the morning and greet my colleagues, but that's probably not enough for them.

I was told twice in two different jobs that I have "rigid expressions" after I started being myself. But then, and even now, I still believe I genuinely put in the effort to communicate, and both parties should accept each other instead of blaming me.

I've started to realize that if I'm in an environment where I don't fit in, I'll leave to protect my mental health, and I won't waste my time trying to be someone I'm not.

If I don't want to joke, I won't joke; if I'm tired, I won't force a smile, and so on.

But, it seems I was wrong? I really don't know... I'm confused.

But the thing is, I do know. If most people were INTJs, I would get along with the majority without any problems. But INTJs are rare, so you can't just force yourself and others to get along. And this problem isn't my fault or the other person's; nature intended it this way.

All I can really do is offer a greeting and a morning smile, especially to people I don't get along with, particularly the overly emotional ones. They dislike me after the third conversation because I make mistakes and speak with an overly complex logic.

I need advice. Are my thoughts correct? I simply want to love myself as I am, and I want an environment that accepts me as I am, instead of the mental and emotional strain and the need to wear masks. Are they more human than me that I should wear masks for them?

I think a lot, and you could say I never stop thinking, ever, anywhere, anytime. It's almost like an addiction for me.

I'm finally starting to understand how this tires me out, how it drains my energy faster than other people's, and how it exhausts me in the long run.

But thinking is like an addiction; I can't stop. I feel empty and aimless afterward.

So I thought to myself, maybe following a certain diet will help me regain my energy faster and help my brain, or something like that. Any suggestions?

I don't know. I just think of maybe a fruit smoothie or a nut and almond snack, but I'd like confirmation from someone.

Note: I remember about two years ago, I tried to stop thinking for two or three days. I felt an energy boost I'd never experienced before, but it didn't last long, and I went back to my usual self.

This is a new job, I got it 4 days ago. I work at my own office in a large space with about 15 people, and they are all extroverts, and I am the only introvert.

It's clear the manager didn't like my personality. Today he sat with me and told me to communicate more and smile more, but I was honest with him and told him that this is my personality, and I didn't see happiness on his face.

After thinking it over, I quit the job that same day; the manager would eventually replace me at the first opportunity.

I'm simply tired of stressful work environments, so I've decided to be myself from the start. Starving to death is preferable to social anxiety.

Was what I did the right thing? Even if I hadn't quit my job, there was nothing else to do, and I didn't want to go back to the days of hypocrisy and flattery; those were hellish days.

Note: My workplace is far from me, taking two hours to commute, and this also encouraged me to leave a job where the manager didn't like me.

Also, when he told me to communicate and smile more, he said it in a disrespectful way in front of everyone, as if to say to me, "We didn't accept you," and he winked the HR in front of me.

But within 10 days I posted 5 videos and none of them exceeded 200 views, why?

And yesterday I posted a video and it didn't even get more than 4 views!!!! Even though it's better than the first one that had 40,000 views.

Although I applied everything I did with the first video.

How do you deal with your colleagues? There are no introverts in the office where I work, and it's stressful.

The worst time for me is lunchtime. If I sit with them, I get tired and they start bothering me, and if I sit alone, the person in charge of me doesn't like it. What should I do?