I don’t have any lofty goals to aspire to. I don’t want to be a millionaire or own supercars or anything really.
I think I just want to exist peacefully. And the world is actively making that impossible. There used to be a proportional positive correlation between effort and results. I got comfortable with giving less effort for okay results. That curve has not shifted to the right, where my effort doesn’t give enough, or rather anything really. The curve adapted, I haven’t.
I realized I’m a lazy sum bitch who doesn’t care about his life. Then again, I kind of cant blame myself. I never looked to the future and thought I needed to plan anything. I was always so comfortable, and no one really pushed me to think past high school. I guess that’s me deflecting blame but its true. My fault exists now, when I don’t study or do anything productive because every alternate to it is more fun. And I have to look back at my life and think, “did I ever do anything that didn’t pay off immediately?”. Procrastination is only a symptom of my problem. I want to have fun now and I cant think of later. I am NOT exceptional. And to get a job in this economy you have to be EXCEPTIONAL. Im not that. I don’t want to be either. My problem is I think I have no desire to improve myself, I want to be accepted for who I am now and what I am now. Its very selfish, but desires are selfish by definition. In order to survive this capitalist hellhole and fucking BE BETTER than AI at my job, I need change my base desire of being lazy and content. How do I WANT to be productive? How do I WANT to be better and be healthy.
TLDR/thesis statement: How do i rewire my brain to WANT results more than it wants comfort?