I feel like I'm growing out of one of my friendships. We have a lot of common interests, but the way we think could not be more different. She's very intense and emotional, and I've been finding it draining to be around her. She's also very particular about certain things, and I find it frustrating when she talks about her ADHD(undiagnosed). Her and I have talked so openly about therapy and she has said on multiple occasions that she should and will get back into therapy, but she never does. (for context, we are both college students and have access to online therapy. I have been using the platform for a while now and have learned a lot from my therapist. My friend has had a therapist through the platform before but stopped using it after a while. I did not know her then)
I am no stranger to friendships fading. This time just feels different because family is involved. We met because our siblings are in a long term relationship. Our families have become really close.
Also, I feel bad because according to her, I am her only/"best" friend. She has other acquaintances that she talks to or hangs out with occasionally, but they're not as close. All of my other friends are the same way that I am--we have a bunch of other friends. I like the dynamic of being friends with other busy people. It feels less codependent, like we've chosen each other and not like we're the only thing each other has. Maybe this is why I feel so drained when I'm with her.
My therapist says I should just be honest with her when she does things that annoy me. The problem is that I didn't realize I was getting annoyed until now and it feels like it's too late, like if I bring things up now she's going to be like "where did that come from?". And rightfully so.
I think the issue is that when we first became friends I was in a worse place mentally. We bonded over a lot of the same struggles and I let myself get into this very intense friendship. She said it herself that she's very intense when it comes to people. Knowing that I don't like that kind of intensity, I continued with the friendship anyway. The 8 hour hangouts, the constant texting/calling, the countless deep talks even though I left emotionally drained. I like hanging out with her when things are good. She's smart, she's funny.
I think I just need space from her for a while and when I do hang out with her again, it can't be as intense as it was before. I just don't know how or when to say this to her. She's about to graduate and I don't want to taint this moment for her.