Don’t get me wrong, I typically love a book that shatters me. But I’m in a place right now where my heart simply cannot handle it! Please hit me with:
WLW books I can read right now
WLW books I MUST read, but later on when my heart can handle it again!
Many thanks ✌🏻
If that’s you in the title, know that you are in good company. I thought I was totally alone when I started this internal journey, but that is FAR from the case. I promise you that this post is not an ad or a promotion, just a recommendation from a fellow late bloomer who has been desperate for clarity on how to move forward. This community has been so important to me as I lurk and listen to your stories, and I want to give back 💜
As I’ve explored late blooming more and more, my Instagram algorithm has really adjusted itself, and it eventually fed me a post from a woman named Emily Bettdur. She’s a late bloomer who was married to man and had a son when she realized she was a lesbian. They divorced and were able to figure out coparenting really well, and now she’s been married to her wife for four years. Now, she does coaching for women in similar situations. Her business account is called The Late Life Lesbian, but I reached out to her personal account (I’ll list both usernames at the end).
She offers four free Zoom meetings to talk through things with you, and after that, you can decide if you want to pay for additional sessions and resources where she’ll walk you through the process of separation, divorce, etc., if that’s what you decide is the path you want to pursue. The four free sessions are amazing. She has so much empathy and wisdom, and I walked away from the experience feeling so affirmed and confident. She even helped me plan how to come out to my husband (jury’s out on how that goes…I’ve not taken the leap just yet but it’s imminent).
I personally have to stop at the four freebies because I can’t afford the full program (especially with a divorce and complete overhaul of life-as-I-know-it looming). But those four free sessions have absolutely been a godsend. I know she’s not the only coach out there, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that she is amazing.
Hope this helps at least someone else on this sub💜
Here’s her Instagram info:
emilybettdur
thelatelifelesbian
First, I want to say that the joy from those of you on the other side of figuring things out is SO beautiful to see. My heart could burst from it! I love it for all of you. Know that so many of us are quietly cheering you on and sharing in your joy from a distance!
I also empathize with those of us at the very beginning, in particular those of us with husbands, children, complicated circumstances. I’m there with you. It’s a confusing combination of feeling so free now that I know who I am, but also feeling completely trapped in the life I’ve established. At age 40, it often feels hopeless and definitely scary. It’s most certainly painful. But, I wanted to share a tiny kernel of hope that has kept me going lately that maybe will bring a bit of peace to others who may also need it.
I’ve sat with my truth, my fears, and my feelings for a while on this, and here’s where I’ve landed: I don’t know what the future holds! And I don’t have to come up with a plan or take any action right this second. As a late bloomer, I grieve the lost time and have shed countless tears over it (and still do!), but I remind myself that there is still so much more ahead of me. The best I can do in this moment is be “where my feet are planted.” For me, that means working on myself and showing myself so much love. It feels like I’m meeting the real me for the first time, and I want to know everything about that gal! I’m discovering new things about myself, and also rediscovering parts that have been lost over time (hobbies, interests, passions). I’m even taking better care of my mind and body. In the process, I feel like I’m beginning to glow, and that is spilling over into my general demeanor and personality. My capacity for love feels enormous, and it’s making me so much more patient and honestly more pleasant to be around!
Whenever the grief for “what could have been” creeps up, I remind myself that “what could have been” just may actually be “what’s in store for later.” I WISH I had a crystal ball, but I don’t, so I’m holding on to the hope of a future where I look back and say, “the journey here was all worth it.”
I believe I will one day get to love a woman. I have to believe that to keep moving forward. But first, I need to spend time loving myself, and that’s what I’m using this time of uncertainty for. And that also means I’ll be the best possible version of myself for that woman when the day comes. She’ll deserve it.