thoughts
Me and my family moved to the Us when I was about 8 years old my Father being the first one to touch down in thee US couple months before us. Things were sunshine and rainbows till I got to middle school then BOOM seeing my parents fight for the first time, It im around 11-12 years old so im as clueless anymore but still very shocked- keep in mind I Also have a brother who is 23 and a sister who is 21 and me being 18 currently, My mom is the biggest Narccisit you could be my Dad being a weak-minded man over time was drained by my mom I myself could clearly see this the way she use to manipulate me and my siblings coming up my sister loved my Mom-she wired it surgically through her brain I would walk in on them talking shit about him and as soon as I came in they would stop talking asking me to go play video games or my mom screaming at me to do something that had no meaning of importance. At this point your probably wondering about my brother aswell, My brother being the eldest has seen them fight since he was younger than me now not actually physically fighting.. well get to that later, but from his room around 12 am hearing them bark at each other for hours. Fast foward back to me being in 12 years old he was in high school with dreams of playing basketball he would train virtuously workout everyday- kind of like all those inspirational stories you see with top Basketball players in todays game. Although he was about 5'10 and really not that good, he didn't make the team his entire career at Hinsdale Central, he blamed it on the coaches being racist but currently now the team is Led by two black point guards and ive met the guy in person I didn't get a weird vibe from him. Basketball being my brothers life not being able to do something you love or AT LEAST be apart of something you love it killed his mental health grinding for hours everyday coming back home protecting his little brother when our parents would start it again it was alot for a high schooler to handle. Then boom first summer out of college his best friend starts hanging with the wrong crew trying to give rapping a shot and starts gang banging, Mind you we came from a very wealthy suburb a top 100 school in the U.S the kid stared on the wrong parts. As soon as that happened my brother went into the strongest depression you could ever go to sleeping late waking up late not, getting out of bed, not speaking to anyone and so on and so on right.Then one day he told my Mom he was depressed which would be something a mother who is very close with her child should notice, but not my mom ill tell you that. at this time I was probably around 8th grade Covid being the thing of the time, My parents used to shit on him thinking this would snap something in him from the outside eye it did but realistically I think my brother decided not to mourn his friends death for the rest of his life. Now moving on to my sister background ahh the Golden Child the one who I should strive to be like the one I should lookup to instead of my brother The one who my mom obviously favored the most but of course she loved every single one of us the same The one... Let me get on with this story. If you couldn't tell yet my Sister was a real CHILD the one God truly blessed did I also mention my dad favored her aswell I used to think my dad Loved me more than anything in the entire world instantly coming to me after him and my mom argued for hours but ol boy was that such a facade, let me and my sister get into one fight and the way he would beat the crap out of me and my sister would walk back in her room with such a smirk a little shit honestly but we always made up after like your supposed to you know your young siblings shit happens. When she got out of the house and it was just me and my brother, he put all his focus into basketball so he was stuck going to a local community college about 15 mins away from us, At this point I was probably in my sophomore year or junior year of high school Im saying probably cause its 4 am im sad high idgaf to think im just writing right now, and everyone who actually had fun in highs cool and lived the "regular" highs cool life nows sophomore year is usually when most of the curiosity takes over sex,vapes,weed,drinking the usual highs cool faze of don't know it till you try it, I was a football player one of the only black kids in my school a good football player at that so I had alot of friends unlike my brother when he was in high school. Looking back at this a couple years later I realized my brother really ended me I would come home late nights 11;30 being my curfew mind you till my senior year come home past 12 and my brother obviously knowing I was out would lock the door and put the little key chain lock so I would have to wake him up when I came home instead of him just leaving the door open, then my mom would usually stay up waiting for me to greet her obviously just checking to see if I was drunk or high which I was 90% of the time a skill every high schooler learned. He would follow me to go greet her and start antagonizing saying I didn't get to come home at this time - dude you had no friends you had tight nit group who probably did want to go out later but you didn't push buttons like I did I paved the way myself PS: everyone with strict parents know that the older one pushes all the boundaries so that the younger siblings have all the lee way when there older(Back to the story). I hated him for this, mind you my dad worked nights so I would see him for about 9-11:30 everyday and I was in school for the entire day so basically only my mom was raising us that giving her the leeway to think she was God and had the most upright power because she was my mom she always used to repeat this saying with us being very religious"Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" but she never said anything about this 'And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord'' straight from the Bible its like she read that part and threw the other piece out. Now that you know my background it's time to jump more present and im going to zoom with this now. SO basically my mom and dad got divorced my mom moved to another state my dad stayed in the same house when I graduated high school I wanted to go to a out of state school because they gave me good scholarship money and didn't want to be stuck in the same state my brother obviously being the jealous scumbag he is butted into the conversation saying they shouldn't allow me to go there even thought they would be basically paying state tuition at a out of state school my mom tells me to set up a payment plan by myself which I cant do without there card information they never tell me and end up sending me 1k a month which still leaved 4k of fees on the table for school boom I had no idea we were behind I get a letter saying I cant enroll for the second semester of college they blame them going into debt on me blame me for convincing them to let me go to a out of state college abuse me for now 7 years and now it being even more worse since Im the only one in the family not considered grown and my dad being the little bitch he is even though my entire family talks shit about him just agrees to whatever the fuck my mom says and screams like a fucking dumbass.whew that felt good but basically my life has been fucked up a abusive household supposedly on one of the worst fights my dad hit my mom I still dont know if this is true even though it happened 5 years ago when I came out she didn't have a I just got hit expression on my face I didn't know what to believe. But to sum it all up I got raised by to toddlers a idiot of a father who couldn't think for himself a yes man, A nacrccist Mom who thinks she knows it all and steps all over you and expects the world back in return, A envious brother filled with despair and rage 24/7 who you I cant physically bring myself to talk to anymore, The golden child who doesn't text me and expects me to text her 24/7 and agrees with whatever the fuck my mom says in the last two years living in the same household as my brother words are only spoken to when he wants to butt in when Im arguing with my mom or when he blames me for something he bought eaten by my overweight ass mom SERIOUSLY my sister I dont really text her shell do weak ass checkups whenever something bad happens and my mom tells her. But my plan is to finish college me being 19 get my degree ive already started calling a online business thats bringing me 12-20k a month all in ETH so my family has no idea im still the idiot child who cant fend for himself and I plan to keep it that way till I graduate slowly break contact with all of them and slowly pay them back for college because I know alot of parents dont pay for there kids education so thats the only thing im grateful for even though they cant fucking do that right, after I pay them back I will cut ties with them till I probably get married just so my wedding day isn't messed up for my significant other, then again go no contact again till funerals obviously if they somehow find a way to reach me and money is needed I will give it but love and attention is not something I will show because that wasn't something showed to me. to anyone one who actually read this respect ngl I would not read ts there's prolly alot of holes as im typing this at 5 am, but if any of you guys actually want a in depth story let me know.