Throwaway because this is already turning into a whole thing in my family.
I’m 36F with 3 kids, and my mom is 58F. About two years ago, when I moved into my apartment, it had to be put in her name first (long story, not totally legal), and then I got added on. Since then, I’ve been trying to get everything fully in my name so I can handle my own stuff without her being tied to it.
So here’s the issue.
A few months ago, without telling me, my mom applied for some kind of assistance program connected to my apartment. She thought they were going to send her a check so she could use it for her own expenses because she wasn’t working at the time.
Well… that’s not what happened.
Instead, I get a letter saying she was approved and that $1200 was being applied as a credit to my rent. I wasn’t even behind on rent, so it just kind of sat there as a credit.
Now she’s saying I owe her the $1200 because she’s the one who applied and she was “supposed” to get that money. But I literally didn’t ask her to do this, didn’t even know she did it, and never agreed to pay her anything.
I honestly cannot afford to just hand over $1200. I’m already struggling and raising 3 kids. When she confronted me the other day, she kind of cornered me about it and I said I’d try to pay her back in payments just to end the conversation, but now I’m sitting here like… why did I even agree to that?
For some background, this isn’t the first time money has been an issue. The past few years she’s gotten really weird about money and constantly says I owe her things, especially around tax time. I have borrowed money from her before and paid her back, but this past year, I made it a point not to borrow anything and be completely independent. I’ve even been removing her name from my phone, car, lease, everything, because I’m tired of feeling like she can hold things over my head.
This situation just feels different to me because:
I didn’t ask her to apply
I didn’t get actual money, just a rent credit
She made an assumption and it didn’t work out
I feel like this is on her, not me. But now she’s acting like I’m wrong and that I owe her no matter what.
So WIBTA if I tell her I’m not paying her the $1200, even though I already kind of said I would in the moment?
Edit: I just want to clarify how I got the apartment and what I meant by it not being “totally legal.” When I first applied, I was about $2,000 short of the income requirement. Because it’s an affordable housing unit (not public housing), combining my income with my mom’s would have put us over the maximum allowed.
The property manager suggested putting the lease in my mom’s name initially, adding me later, and then removing her at renewal. When renewal came around, I submitted the paperwork to have her removed, but the office delayed processing it for about a year despite multiple follow-ups. As of last month, her name has finally been removed and the lease is now fully in mine.
For context, I’ve borrowed money from my mom before and always paid her back, and I try to return the favor when she helps me. Lately, though, it feels like she’s been doing things with the expectation that I’ll owe her or repay her in some way, and this situation is part of that pattern.