Long distance break up
I (29F) am having a hard time processing what happened to me. I was in another country and met this man (29M). He and I were not supposed to fall for each other but did. It was a whirlwind Hallmark movie kind of romance I won’t bore you all with. But when I left we decided to do long distance with intent to do a longer visit together, one or two additional visits, and then decide which country we wanted to live in together.
Literally the end of two weeks into long distance and he ends it saying he has too much anxiety about long distance and he wants to be with me but he can’t handle it emotionally. He had been thinking about it for a week.
He had been acting differently/more distant that week and I asked about it and he cited an upcoming trip and work issues as to why.
The reason I liked him so much and committed so hard (when I have NEVER done anything like this before and is very out of character for me) is because he was so invested and caring and made me feel whole. I do not trust men. But it felt like I didn’t have a choice but to trust him, in a good way. My walls melted without me noticing until they were gone. Every time I got in my head or felt insecure it’s like he sensed it and erased all fear. He saw me wholly, treated me as an independent equal, but still cared for me. He integrated me into his life.
So I trusted him when he told me why he was distant. To then have him end it saying he had been in such a bad place for a week was heartbreaking. For one I feel like he lied, at minimum, by omission. But I am upset he didn’t talk to me. We were together, planning on immigrating for each other, and he didn’t tell me he was struggling. He didn’t give us a chance to try anything different to make it easier or advance the timeline or anything.
I think he’s having a hard time. He drank for three days, I know that. I had to call him about a logistics thing, it was very business like. We always FaceTimed. He had his camera on for three seconds then turned it off. Both that call and the one where he ended it he seemed strained and painful. This is all assumptions on my part obviously. Maybe everything was a lie and he doesn’t care. But I still feel like he does.
If we are both in pain why couldn’t he just give us a chance? Why put us through this before we really got to settle into our relationship and give it a shot? I want to reach out and tell him I miss him and try to get him to give us another chance so badly. But I know that’s a bad idea. And I know there would be a lot of needs he would have to meet for me to feel secure with him again. I just miss him and it feels like our grand story stopped before it even started.