I’m trying to understand whether what I’m experiencing is normal or if I should actively seek help.
When I was 11, I was molested by an older cousin (he was in his early 20s). At the time, I froze and didn’t react—I didn’t speak up or move away, which I later blamed myself for a lot. I also didn’t fully understand what was happening back then.
I told my mother, and she supported me, but most of the extended family didn’t believe me(my father side family). I was called a liar by my aunt(his mother) and to give proof of what happened, and nothing really happened after that. Over time, I stopped going to family events where he might be present, while everyone else continued interacting with him as usual.
What stayed with me more than the incident itself was how it was handled. I never really got reassurance that it wasn’t my fault. Recently, he was accused of something similar by another younger family member from his other side of cousin, which made some people take my side more seriously—but even now, 13 years later, it still hurts seeing people in my family maintain normal relationships with him. My father and brother even attended his wedding, and I don’t know if I’m holding onto too much resentment.
I recently attended a family function after a long time, and I felt like I was on the verge of crying. I thought I had moved on, but clearly something is still unresolved.
In my recent relationship (we broke up 2 months ago), I often felt like I was being pressured into things I didn’t fully want to do. That would trigger anxiety and bring back thoughts like:
* “People who are supposed to care about me end up hurting me”
* “Maybe something is wrong with me”
I also want to add that I didn’t grow up in a very emotionally safe or affectionate household. It was often loud and tense, and I think I learned to cope by becoming emotionally distant and withdrawn. So I’m not sure how much of what I’m feeling comes from that environment vs the earlier experience or a combination of both.
Now I’m confused about a few things:
* Is it normal to still feel this way after so many years?
* How do you tell the difference between real discomfort in a relationship vs your mind reacting based on past experiences (like sometimes in my relationship I didn't know whether I am victimising myself or is it real)?
* Has anyone else become more introverted or anxious in social/family settings because of something like this?
* Did anything (therapy or otherwise) help you move forward?
I want to get to a place where I can treat myself better, build healthier relationships, and not feel stuck in these patterns. Right now I’m not sure if I’m overthinking or if this is something I genuinely need to work through.
p.s. used gpt to frame.