u/Compass_Ink

Looking for wisdom..I exposed an elder for lacking integrity, wisdom, maturity & honesty. It was dismissed & turned on me for being quarrelsome. I confronted him privately but he did not listen. I got the head pastor involved..dismissed. Other members have approached me with their own concerns regarding this elder & also the other pastor. Also, I haven’t gone to this church in years but have remained in contact with people from the church. The concerns developed after I left & how the one elder interacted with me & treated me.

My questing is since I’ve already tried to handle this privately & it didn’t go anywhere would it be appropriate to write a google review to express concerns about the leadership to warn others?

Looking for wisdom..I exposed an elder for lacking integrity, wisdom, maturity & honesty. It was dismissed & turned on me for being quarrelsome. I confronted him privately but he did not listen. I got the head pastor involved..dismissed. Other members have approached me with their own concerns regarding this elder & also the other pastor. Also, I haven’t gone to this church in years but have remained in contact with people from the church. The concerns developed after I left & how the one elder interacted with me & treated me.

My questing is since I’ve already tried to handle this privately & it didn’t go anywhere would it be appropriate to write a google review to express concerns about the leadership to warn others?

I’m struggling and looking for wisdom.

I was formerly a member of a Reformed Baptist church and moved away but maintained friendships with many people there. While I was still connected to the church one of the elders (single/never married) and I had discussions about potentially pursuing a dating relationship. He told me he was not ready to pursue one but later began pursuing someone else while continuing to communicate with me. I eventually found out he was dating after a period of silence. When I tried to discuss how the situation was handled, I felt his response was defensive and lacked humility and wisdom.

Beyond my personal hurt, there are other situations that have raised concern. At one point, he entered into a relationship with a woman who was not a believer after only knowing her for a couple days when she was visiting family from the church. There was also a significant age gap and some people close to him expressed concern but it was eventually her that broke up with him after some months. Another concern involves his ministry with underprivileged youth. He was giving a teenage girl individual rides and was seen spending time at her home late into the evening on multiple occasions. After concerns were raised by a church member, he stopped staying late but continues to give her rides since the mother has expressed she only trusts him. The girl’s mother stated that she was present, that their conversations were primarily about theology, and that he had always been respectful toward both her and her daughter. He also hosted a birthday party for her at his home. (She is 17..He is almost 40)

I brought some of my concerns, particularly regarding how he handled the situation between us to the senior pastor but I felt they were dismissed. This elder has since become the lead pastor of a small church without any other elders providing accountability.
This entire situation has deeply affected my trust in church leadership and has shaken my faith in many ways. I am still processing my hurt but I also genuinely struggle with the fact that someone who appears gifted, intelligent and a strong teacher may not be receiving the accountability & could unintentionally be hurting others.

My question is: how do you discern the difference between a leader who is simply imperfect and a leader who is demonstrating a pattern of poor judgment, lack of wisdom, or concerning boundaries? How should a Christian respond when they believe concerns have been raised and dismissed?

What’s the best place to get a massage? I’m a nurse & do a lot of heavy lifting. My back is in desperate need for relief & looking for a place that has a decent deep tissue treatment. I’ve gone to one but it just felt like they were rubbing oils on my back. 🤷🏻‍♀️