SD calls me mom...
It started when she was six. Not even a month after we first met. because it was the summer (partner's time with her) and her dad and I already lived together (moved in straight out of college), SD and I were living together as well.
She said it "on accident", she pointed it out, and then she asked if that was okay "thats okay right?"). I panicked (partner wasnt home), so i said sure. Partner agreed it was okay. At first i thought it was because she genuinely saw me as her mom (or something similar, a caretaker of sorts).
But then she started saying things like "well my REAL mom lets me do it" when i didnt let her do something. But when she refers to her mom's partner, its "my other dad".
And ive realized that im not really her mom in her eyes, or in my partners eyes. This sounds so petty but on mothers day there was no comment (not even a thank you for taking care of her, no acknowledgement). He calls me by my name when referring to me with SD. I only get the mom responsibilities and dare i say burdens: washing her clothes, cooking her food (she is super picky so she HAS to have a whole separate meal), i even had to shower with her (since the first moment we started living together because she was scared of the shower), i have to give up my things for her (like lending her my phone so shes not bored, letting her sleep in pur bed because she is scared, giving her my water bottle, etc), we spend a big chunk of our joint money to get her stuff ans to even get her (we live far from her).
But i get none of the reward. No thank you when we get her things (unless my partner makes her include me in her thank yous to him), no say in her upbringing (like letting her be so picky, without even trying food, or letting her eat while playing/watching tv, resulting in her not eating, not having her do age appropriate chores like gathering her dirty laundry or picking up after herself). And i cant complain about any of it either, because im not her mom, not really.
And i kind of dont want her to call me mom anymore. I am dreading the emotional manipulation that comes with it. I am dreading the unfulfilled title.
I even had an argument with my partner recently regarding this. He was offended that i didnt not consider her "part of me" (i said that she was a guest of a guest in my family: him being my guest, and then bringing her, his guest). I didnt want to push it because he seemed really hurt by it, but i dont consider her a part of me. I dont think he really does either, he is just enamored with the idea of having a perfect family (which we never will be).
And IDK i just feel like i messed up way back when. I shouldn't have ley her call me mom. I shouldn't have agreed to shower with her. I shouldn't have taken up all these duties surrounding her. I shouldn't have let my life be controlled by her timeline.