I probably would have made it psychologically if not for how I was treated afterwards
Hi, I read here sometimes and made this throwaway account to make this one post. I was coerced into internal exams in the early 2000s. When I decided to talk about it for the first time (years later) the therapist looked at me afterwards and said "so you haven't had a gynecological exam in a while then?" The next 2 years were spent trying to manipulate me into going back using elaborate strategies about finding the mental block and then months later trying to connect the resolution to a gyn exam. This went on for a long time and I now consider it to have been a form of conversion therapy. This was a long ago and that therapist has long retired but it haunts me still. Yes I was young and naive.
I lost my best friend the day I confided in her about the SAs and she said "sorry those exams are so hard for you." Later she came out as a womans health advocate and went on to use a gynecologists office as her PCP.
I won't go into how my family responded since many of you have the same story and I don't want to think about it right now.
My point is that had I been shown love and support, had someone ANYONE in my life told me that it was wrong, that I deserved better, my life might be different today. Additionally, had screening and these exams started at 25 like they do in some parts of the world I probably would have been mentally developed enough to understand what was happening and been able to figure something out to protect myself. The first time they got me was the summer I turned 16. I'm telling you they LOVE the kids because they cannot protect themselves and have no idea what's going on.
I would also like to paint a picture of how unhinged medical appointments were for young women at the time I was taken advantage of. It was common for the provider to demand you be completely nude, put the tiny paper gown on, and then be nude for most of the exam. It would be called a full body (wellness) exam but concentrate on mostly the reproductive organs. It was also common where I was for there to be 1 or 2 other people in the room including a student or another nurse. The exams were incredibly thorough and invasive. Some of you may be surprised by what it actually entailed (back passage). I don't want to be graphic but if you want to know read historical documents.
Society, friends, and families have the ability to reduce harm after these SAs take place but they take the side of the abuser nearly all of the time. Families can also reduce harm by not letting girls be alone during these exams and refusing to leave. When they ask the adult to leave it's code for doing intimate exams.
I probably won't respond but wanted to share. I'll likely keep lurking here on occasion but the older I get the harder it is to clear my mind afterwards. I feel sorry young woman are still being hurt like this. I wanted a better world for us.