r/Wedeservebetter

I am almost six months postpartum with my first baby, and I still regularly think about the interactions I had with the doctor that delivered my son.

I gave birth on a weekend, and my doctor’s office has a rotating call schedule for weekend births to allow the providers regular weekend time with their own children/families. I hoped and prayed that my own doctor (a female) would be able to deliver our son, but I went into labor on a Saturday night and delivered on Sunday, and she wasn’t working that weekend. The doctor who was on call is an older male with five-star reviews and is well-respected by the community, so I was confident I was still in good hands. He said a lot of things to me that made me feel like crap though!

My water broke, I had zero contractions for hours, and I was starting to develop a fever, so I had to be induced. I was SO scared with it being my first and all the horror stories you hear about pitocin (spoiler: it was fine, 10/10 doing that again electively!), so I opted to get an epidural early to spare myself the unrelenting contraction hell I was anticipating.

The doctor came in to check on me, and says, “I hear that you got an epidural, you must’ve been having some pretty bad contractions?” to which I responded, “Nope, I am a baby when it comes to pain, so I just went ahead and got it.” He. Was. Pissed. He said, “Well, now, baby’s not coming til tonight!” and left. Whatever, I didn’t think much of it because all I could think about was the fact that I’ll be birthing a literal child soon. If anything, I honestly WANTED a long labor so I could mentally prepare for the fact that, today, I WILL BIRTH A LITERAL HUMAN OUT OF MY VAGINA. I was having an existential crisis. I was so scared!

Well, hours pass, and it’s time to do some practice pushes. Doctor is in the room. I don’t really feel any pressure to push yet, so I was trying to figure out what to do without any guidance from my body. I do a couple pushes, and all the doctor says is, “That’s a good way to tire yourself out,” in a snarky tone. I’m sorry??? I’ve never done this before?!?

Pushing continues, and I finally start to feel some pressure that makes pushing more intuitive. As I’m resting between contractions, he told me, “the mark of a good epidural is still being able to feel pain, it’s supposed to make the pain more manageable.” I just nod. Baby arrived perfectly healthy, I made it out of labor unscathed, no tearing, and almost entirely pain-free, like I hoped. It was a beautiful rest of the day!

I feel like he was shaming me? I was too in the zone to care about what he said in the moment, but six months later, it bothers me!

I don't even know what I'm looking for with this post. Maybe support. Maybe to know I'm not alone. Maybe just to get it off my chest.

I gave birth and it was actually a successful vaginal birth. I had stitches and recovery wasn't easy, fainting and blood loss, but there were beautiful moments. The trauma came afterwards with howI was treated by some of the medical professionals, no support or pain relief.

From the beginning, something didn't feel right. At my 2-week check-up I told them I wasn't feeling well. My stitches looked okay, I asked about the amount of fluid I was losing, I had lower back pain and bits of tissue coming out. I was told everything looked normal. I was given antibiotics "just in case" but reassured I probably didn't need them. The pain? "Just from giving birth." The bleeding? "Normal postpartum." The mood swings? "Motherhood."

I went from appointment to appointment (GPs, physio, continence nurse, psychologist, 6-week check, vaccinations) and I kept saying I wasn't okay. I was still bleeding heavily, vomiting occasionally and felt so unwell. Every time it was brushed off as postpartum recovery.

Finally, around 8 weeks postpartum, my continence nurse listened. She simply said, "Get an ultrasound."

I rang around nine places trying to find an emergency appointment. The scan showed a 5 cm piece of retained placenta. I ended up back in hospital urgently! My body passed the 5cm piece with manual movement.

I finally thought, "This must be it."

I felt a little better... then the next day I was incredibly sick again. More medication to help shed the remaining uterine lining. Cramping, sweats, mood swings... but at least my back pain disappeared.

Then at 9 weeks postpartum I was still vomiting after eating.

One night I ended up curled on the floor in agony and had to call an ambulance. The hospital diagnosed gallstones (without even doing a scan) and wanted me to organise imaging through my GP later. Even though the next morning I already had an ultrasound booked at another hospital because of the retained placenta. I begged them to write on the referral to scan my gallbladder too. Both hospitals were reluctant but eventually agreed. 🙌🙌

Thank goodness they did. Results: No more retained placenta... but yes, gallstones, multiple!

I immediately started an extremely low-fat diet while waiting five weeks for private surgery. During that time I lost 17 kg because I could barely eat. Eventually I had my gallbladder removed. Right now I'm one week from this surgery.

As if that wasn't enough, I also developed severe tooth pain and found out I needed multiple root canal appointments throughout this time period.

Then one day, completely randomly, I walked into an optometrist and said "do you have some time today?" they had a cancellation for right then. It was almost spiritual. He looked at my eyes and asked, "Have you lost a lot of weight recently?"

He told me the swelling behind my eyes that he'd seen back in 2022 had disappeared (ah, what swelling?? I thought). I mentioned that my pulsatile tinnitus had also gone away.

He said it sounded very much like intracranial hypertension (IIH) that had possibly resolved with the weight loss, but wanted me investigated because there can still be signs left behind. My GP initially didn't think a scan was necessary and said my blood pressure is always good, but after everything I'd already been through I pushed for it.

The CT came back showing a partial empty sella with correlation for IIH.

My GP actually rang me afterwards and apologised.

I'm now waiting for an MRI.

All of this happened during the first four months of my baby's life.

I couldn't breastfeed because I was so sick. I was weak, recovering from surgeries, constantly in pain, vomiting or mentally overwhelmed. There were days I couldn't even pick him up. I feel like I missed so many moments (his newborn stage, vaccinations, cuddles, bonding).

We also spent weeks trying to get someone to release his severe tongue tie. Doctor after doctor refused. Once it was finally done, he feeds so much better now!!

I keep looking back thinking, "What if someone had just listened the first time?"

Instead, I spent months wondering if I was just a dramatic first-time mum, when in reality I had retained placenta, gallstones requiring surgery, and now possible IIH.

I'm so hurt, angry and tired of the gaslighting. I'm grieving the first four months I didn't get with my baby because I was constantly fighting to be believed.

Has anyone else had postpartum complications that were repeatedly dismissed? Does this feeling of grief ever get easier? Because I love my little boy more than anything, but I can't stop mourning everything illness took from those precious early months. ❤️❤️

Title. Keeps popping up on my social media. He made a video about showing little girls their moms getting penetrated and positioning them to see so that they know what's next for them and "what women go through." If he avoided targeting kids and made it clear to women that they have the right to decline or proceed with screening, I'd be just fine with it, but as is...No.

Side note, I wish healthcare professionals would understand that "necessary procedure" and "can stop anytime you want" are mutually exclusive. As soon as you call something necessary, you're not presenting it as optional. "We can do it later if you want, but it's necessary" is the antithesis of "we can stop if you want to." Just call it elective screening, which, yes, at times can save lives, especially for people of high-risk - But it is ALWAYS optional, period.

(I didn't choose a flair as there is currently no "Question" flair.)

Hello everyone! I've been a long time lurker here but I'm a first time poster.

First of all thank you sososo much for this group for so long i thought i was alone in feeling like medical procedures are unnecessarily violating.

Now back to my problem. I was recently diagnosed with Adhd though i suspect this problem since childhood (i'm 20f now). Problem is in order to get the medication I need to get an ekg/ecg.

As you can expect my problem is that I have to take my bra off for it which because of anxiety I'm unable to do. I've heard of people that managed to keep their bra on for this test. How??? I wasn't able to find a cardiologist to agree to that.

How do i advocate for myself? Are there any studies that show that bras without wire interfere with the results??? I want to educate myself so I can stand up for myself.

Any advice is very much appreciated

I live in Europe if that's of any help

A pediatrician accused of sexually abusing 10 children was snared in a sting operation led by a "vigilante pedophile hunter".

Chia Liang Saw appeared in Perth Magistrates Court on Friday to face 53 charges, including sexually penetrating a child.

During a part-heard bail application, adjourned so a home detention report could be completed, the court was told the 41-year-old doctor would be charged with a further five offences in the coming days.

The court was told Saw was facing 20 charges of intent to procure a person under 16 years to engage in sexual activity based on alleged communications with a woman variously described in court as a "vigilante" and "pedophile hunter".

The woman, who is not a police officer, used a social media app and presented herself as a child and engaged in conversations, with the court previously told it was the Sugar Daddy website.

The woman then passed the information to investigators.

Saw was charged in late May with persistent sexual conduct with a child under 16 and possessing child exploitation material.

He was slugged with another 31 charges in mid-June, including seven counts each of indecent dealing with a child under 13 years and producing child exploitation material.

A further 20 new charges were brought on Tuesday related to the communications with the third party.

Saw's alleged victims included patients, eight of them girls aged 12 to 15, a 10-year-old girl allegedly abused at his family home, and a 13-year-old girl allegedly exploited online.

The doctor, whose medical registration has been suspended, allegedly sexually abused and recorded child patients he was treating for ADHD.

The court was also told further details about a series of "concerning" emails Saw allegedly sent to three children.

In one, Saw allegedly offered to buy the child a ukulele. In another, Saw allegedly said he spotted the child outside their school before wishing them a good weekend.

Saw also allegedly created an email account for a child patient so he could communicate with the child.

"A pediatrician contacting a child patient directly is startling in the broader context of these charges," Magistrate Matthew Walton said.

"If convicted, Mr Saw would receive an immediate term of imprisonment of substantial length."

Some of the emails were sent to one of the children while the child was in class and the child was responding, the court was told.

During discussions over the conduct, Saw's lawyer Alex Smith conceded it had crossed the line professionally and that the alleged offences were "ugly and distasteful".

He also said Saw had communicated with one patient turned complainant because she was "extremely troubled" and the pediatrician was attempting to establish rapport.

Mr Smith previously said Saw denied the persistent sexual conduct allegations and the recordings were made by the doctor to protect himself against allegations.

Saw was not required to enter a plea and was remanded in custody to reappear in the same court on July 10, when his bail application will continue.

Long story short, I have Crohn’s disease. I went into urgent care plus (it’s sort of like the emergency room) because I thought I was having a gallbladder issue or Crohn’s issue. They asked when my last period was, if I could be pregnant, etc. That’s fine, I don’t mind answering that. I told them I don’t have sex. Lo and behold, they did a blood pregnancy test on me because they obviously didn’t believe me.

I'm 33F and have always attended the cervical screening (smear test) when my GP sends the reminder. I figure it won't hurt. They always provide a female nurse, and I don't have any issues physically with the procedure. But I still would rather not be naked from the waist down spread eagle in front of a stranger, even if it's a woman.

And here's the thing: I have only ever been with my husband, and he's only ever been with me. We are each other's first and only, sexually. We've been together since we were 15. Neither of us ever did anything with anyone else, not even hand stuff or mouth stuff.

I tried to explain this to my GP, that because of this I have no reason to attend the cervical screening. That there is no way I caught (or even passed) anything from/to him - but she dismissed me and said basically to just do it you never know. I suspect she thinks my husband could have cheated (he hasn't and I'm 10000% sure of it. But she still won't listen, which I get, I'm sure she's seen all sorts of things).

The next time I get an invite for the cervical screening, can I just decline? Is my reasoning correct, based on my sexual history?

Hi guys I have a question. I’m approaching 25 and I’ve never had a pap or any pelvic exam and I never will, so I guess my next option is a self swab. But then they recommend you go in for a follow up pap if it’s positive which defeats the purpose for me.

I became sexually active at 15, and I’ve had about 15 partners total in my lifetime, I was a bit promiscuous (2 were r*pes, I’m only including them to calculate risk). I smoke vape. But I’ve had the HPV vaccines as a kid/teen and I’ve been celibate for 2 years now and plan to stay that way. I’m overall pretty healthy.

That’s why I’m kinda worried but if it’s positive I wouldn’t do a follow up, I’d just have to live with the anxiety of a positive test which makes me think I’d be better off not swabbing at all. I know a positive doesn’t mean it’s cancer, I know most HPV infections clear on their own with time. I have bad health anxiety. I’ve never been good at making decisions so this is why I need some help and clarity. I know the risks of not screening at all and I’ve accepted that whatever happens to me happens, it’s on me and nobody else. I’d be fine with not screening. But then again knowing my status might help me relax some. Then I started thinking that maybe I could wait a few more years to self swab to give my body time to clear an infection if I had one, and staying celibate means no new potential exposure.

I know this is kind of asking for medical advice so if that isn’t allowed here I’ll take it down. But I appreciate this sub, to me it feels like a safe space to ask since I’m conflicted. Thank you

Last year I had 2 c sections in one pregnancy. The first one in february - they got all the way to the uterus and decided to stop and sew me back up. I was open on the table for so long that the epidural wore off. The pain was so horrible I almost fell off the table while being told by the male doctors to " just push through we're almost done "

For the next month I had a growing moving kicking baby inside me. Hurting me every minute of every day by kicking, moving or sitting on my scar. The fresh scars being continuously stretched as he grew.

For the next month - while attempting to heal - I was tested on against my will. I had no body autonomy - " we need to do it for the baby ". It was absolutely torture.

A month later I started bleeding out. I bled out internally for almost 48 hours. No one believed me - they tried to discharge me but I refused.

At the end of the 48 hours I was given an Ativan - I was told I was just being anxious. Less than 10 minutes later my placenta abrupted. I pulled the call bell, waited 20 minutes and was told it was not enough blood and to get back to bed. When I stood up I had a second abruption - thank god the nurse witnessed this time so they had to believe me.

They then proceeded to wait 40 minutes so my husband could arrive.

Once in the ER the anesthesiologist attempted and ART line 7 TIMES before I passed out. I could feel every attempt, I could feel all of the blood coming out of me. Everyone just stood around and held me down.

I woke in the ICU.

I didn't speak for a month after that. I was back and forth between my house and the NICU - not one person caught on - or maybe the just didn't care - that something was wrong. During this I was also pumping every 3 hours to delivery milk to my baby because they made my husband sign a note stating that if I wouldn't do it they would give my son donor milk. At the time I wasn't educated on what that entailed and therefore couldn't fathom someone else feeding my child.

I made a suicide attempt afterwards because I couldn't understand why they did this to me. 9 months later I was finally diagnosed with PPD and PTSD secondary to medical trauma and significant birth trauma.

Every month I get my period and every month I have to relive this.

Oh yeah - my baby was born flat with an Apgar score of 2 and needed to be resuscitated. We were never told - I found out when I took it upon myself to request our medical records. Medical records that are incomplete and they refuse to hand over.

I just don't understand.

Today I’m infuriated because my husband went to the doctor with a cough that me him and our 10 month old have. He’s had a constant headache from the cough. The doctor prescribed him ibuprofen 600mg. The SAME medication I was given after I had a C SECTION and even that they told me I should only take when I really really need it and to take myself off it as soon as I could. I was given ibuprofen 600+ Paracetamol 400. Am I being too salty? It’s been 10 months since I gave birth but this just made me furious lol

EDIT TO CLARIFY: Colposcopies with punch biopsy

Exhusband gave me HPV ("I never cheated...") I got diagnosed four years ago, and last year I had an abnormal pap and have to have a colposcopy. It was a bit traumatic for me as I have a sensitive cervix and they refused me any anesthetic other than "take ibuprofen an hour before" It was so, so bad (and I've had 4 knee surgeries)

Thankfully it came back benign.

This year I went in for my pap. I had this visceral response as soon as I walked into the waiting room, and ended up crying through my whole appointment. Had the pap, and it came back abnormal again.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it again. At what point will they just take out my cervix? Do I just get these yearly pap smears and biopsies until it finally comes back as cancer?

I have been asking for a total hysterectomy for years.now due to PCOS and endometriosis. Will this finally tip things in my favor?

Talked to a doctor about getting allergy testing, set everything up, showed up at the clinic, and he immediately told me to take off my shirt and bra.

I said no.

He started asking why I was so resistant to the idea, and being pushy so I got up and walked out.

He could've done the testing on my forearm. I looked it up. Instead, he insisted on trying to humiliate me.

I'm so fucking sick of doctors trying to force me to take off my clothes.

Is it normal for my PCP to check my breasts? It was during my annual physical. I thought only GYN’s really do it. (But my GYN hasn’t even done it).

She just felt under my gown. No more than a few seconds each but I just thought it was weird. I’m only 25.

Fortunately I don't have to decide because she sees GYN who orders the US. They asked me today to but I refused and asked them to get order from GYN.

I had some teeth cleaning done once and dentist explained to me a similar concept in their practice. Deep cleaning was recommended to a patient, they declined so dentist just did basic cleaning. Patient had bad outcome. Dentist got sued because they offered the wrong treatment which led to bad outcome.

Granted this isn't treatment, it's a diagnostic screening test. But in my mind it's similar. If I order the wrong test and something is missed, I imagine I would be held liable for ordering the wrong test even though the patient knowingly declines. Am I right to refuse offering any testing or am I being too extra about this?

Thanks!!

Why in the world are we pushing so many health protocols like ‘fat free’ and ‘zero sugar’ and ‘watch your calories’ to be healthy when we’re not even talking at all about regularly testing for parasites?? When we’re so used to consuming so much (boxed frozen food and mindless media) that we’re not creating and our frequency levels have sky plummeted.