r/Wedeservebetter

For context, for well over a month I’ve had a high blood pressure and I’m being investigated for endometriosis. I was told I need a smear to go forward for a referral for further testing, despite it being written on my notes my trauma and PTSD from a smear exam in 2016 that sent me into cervical shock. I have not had one since and will not go for one.

For my age (37) I’ve been told my BP levels are not normal and are too high, this has been going on for well over a month and I’m feeling more and more terrible as time goes on. Today I was sent for blood tests for an under active thyroid and a ECG. I go into the office, I wasn’t asked how I was feeling or how I’m managing my symptoms, I was given an ECG that lasted the grand total of 3 minutes and was told “this is fine” told to then ask for a review in a weeks time for the bloods and as I was leaving “your smear is outstanding so make sure you book that in before you leave”. I didn’t I just walked out, fuming. I wasn’t even given another BP reading to see if it had come down or gone up in the 2 weeks since my last one.

I’m not here to talk about my smears, I want to know why my blood pressure is so high and how is it acceptable or just finding out from a nurse that I’ve been walking around for nearly 3 years with a rising BP and nothing was said or done?

The NHS and women’s healthcare is once again failing women it’s honestly becoming a joke.

I had a horrible appointment with a gastroenterologist a few weeks ago. He refused to listen to me throughout the appointment. He literally sat and read medical reports about me instead of talking to me. He refused to discuss my symptoms, he refused to believe that I'm losing weight because another doctor had weighed me a couple of weeks ago and my weight had only gone down by a few pounds, he was more interested in being patronising and spouting off long set-speeches than in actually addressing the issues that I'd been waiting a year to talk about... He was, in short, a complete waste of NHS funds.

And now I've read the letters he wrote about me to other medical professionals and he's lying about what happened.

He's pretending that I'm being unreasonable by refusing to accept his diagnosis. He's lying that we discussed my concerns in detail. He's pretending that I'm not losing weight. He's pretending that my observations are completely worthless. He's lying about the length of the appointment.

He is, in short, a spite-filled, malicious, incompetent bad joke of a doctor who has deliberately set out to make me look neurotic and difficult to other doctors because he loathes me to the point of trying to sabotage my health and relationships with other medical professionals simply because I had the nerve to ask him to do his job properly instead of taking expensive, lazy shortcuts that put me in danger as a patient.

What does he hope to gain by all this? Why does he want to be a doctor at all if he feels such overwhelming contempt and resentment towards half of his patients that he can't believe a single word they say and he can't bear to hear them speak? Does he think that his lies and mistakes and pompous bullshittery won't be found out?

Basically what the title says but my Girlfriend (23F) is constantly having her medical needs dismissed.

Before we met, when she was 18 she was goofing around with friends and went down a kiddie slide and messed up her back and now has chronic back pain. Well, today my girlfriend's back gave out on her while she was being down to get laundry, her dad took her to the ER (we live apart currently) and she waited 2 hours for the doctor to tell her she's lying and to get stronger core muscles. She is inconsolable rn and I have no idea what I can do because this happened while I was at work.

Additionally, a while ago she had some really bad stomach cramps and the urget care doctor's dismissed her and said it was period pain. She went to her PCP and they found SHE HAD AN INFECTION. She hates going to the doctor because no one very believes her when she's in pain and OTC medicine doesnt work well anymore. I don't know what I can do and want to figure out what I can do because we're moving in together soon.

I recently had a patient who “demanded” a vaginal examination. They presented with some light spotting and I saw that they were overdue a smear test and so I advised that they go get their smear test ASAP as the vaginal examination would not alter management (as they would need the smear test regardless). However, the patient was adamant that they needed a vaginal examination there and then and pressured me into doing it in the end against my judgement.

I have been reflecting on this and was wondering what others would have done in this scenario? I am a male GP and have also reflected on if I had been a female GP and the genders were reversed, and a male patient had “demanded” an intimate examination, would that have made the situation more inappropriate? And if so why should that be the case?

With all the discourse going on about pap smears in social media right now the "medical exams can't be sexual assault" crowd is out in full force again.

This is like the 5th doctor in the last 2 weeks. Are they finally starting to investigate them or something?

https://www.facebook.com/share/18ZuWwFycM/?mibextid=wwXIfr

So I have a big boil/abscess in my groin/buttocks area, and it ruptured and drained some goo a few days ago, it drained for about 2 days and then just stopped.

The problem here is two-fold: first off, the abscess isn't any smaller, and is still painful. It's in an extremely awkward location to keep a bandaid on, and I have to change it every time I pee because of the location.

The other issue is I already had medical anxiety before I had another abscess, in my armpit, that my mom took me to the ER for because I was apparently developing cellulitis. I was there for HOURS. 8 of them. I'm autistic and woth my medical anxiety, being there so long was actual torture. On top of that, they basically ignored my actual complaint for most of that time, fussing about my "high heart rate" (while being repeated told by me AND my mom that I have anxiety, and was overstimulated and very scared) and my "fever" (the triage nurse took my temperature and it was normal.)

They also threatened to admit me. This may not sound like a threat to most people, but to me, it absolutely is one. Hospitals make me highly anxious just to be present in, between anxiety, sensory issues, and food issues, I'd be having a panic attack while being simultaneously starved and tortured for as long as they kept me. They basically insisted on giving me a round of IV antibiotics (my mom also pressured me to accept this) which is also horrible because 1. they make me nauseous and dizzy and 2. I can FEEL the antibiotic solution in my veins and it HURTS. I was writhing on thr bed and sobbing for them to "take it out" and "make it stop," which they did not, and the nurse acted like I was being super dramatic. Then I was sent home with oral antibiotics, which always make me violently ill.

My question is, what can I do to get this abscess to clear up, preferably quickly? It's painful and it's freaking me out. I had an abcess in the same spot a few years ago that I had drained at Urgent Care, but there was always a hard spot left there, and getting lidocaine injections an inch or so from your hoo-hah is... an experience. One I'd rather not repeat.

My experience happened in 2010 and I recently learned of a friend getting treated no better after all these years which is why I’m sharing my story.

When I was 24 I was brutally sexually assaulted by an acquaintance. To better show how horrible the hospital experience was I’ll share my physical injuries. I had hand print bruises on my shoulders, my nipples were swollen and crusted with blood where they ripped some. I had a bite mark bruise where teeth broke the skin on my upper right side beneath my breast, my inner thighs had multiple misshaped bruises, and my vagina was very swollen and ripped in two places.

My sister convinced me to at least go to the hospital to get checked for STD’s when I refused to report to the police because we lived in a small town of 6,000 people, everyone knew everyone, including police and medical staff at our local hospital but I somehow didn’t register that medical staff at the hospital likely being familiar faces.

It was a Sunday morning and all 10 metal chairs in the small ER waiting room were full. When you get inside there’s a glass door that slides open but needs to be pressed by a nurse on the side where the exam rooms are so you have to stand in front of the glass door on the side in the waiting area.

The nurse opens the glass door and looks at my sister then me and asks what do you need to see a doctor for? I’m literally 6 inches from the last chair in the waiting area so everyone can hear the entire conversation so I look at the nurse pleading with my eyes not to make me say why in front of these people. My sister says can she tell you once she gets in the exam room? Nurse says ‘I can’t put you in an exam room until I know what you need so I can know where to put you.’ I burst into tears and say it’s personal. Nurse lowers her voice slightly and says “I can’t help you if you can’t tell me what you need help for.” So my sister says “She needs to be tested for STD’s”.

I think my demeanor coupled with that statement registered for the nurse that this was likely an assault type issue so she immediately takes me in the back without the option of my sister coming with me. In the exam room I explained I was sexually assaulted and I just wanted to be examined to make sure I didn’t catch anything from the person who assaulted me. She left and came back with a male nurse and with her there he explained to me that the police needed to be present for any exam performed to collect evidence and asked if I wanted to report the assault. I explained that I didn’t want to do that, I just want to be checked and go home.

The whole atmosphere shifted as well as both nurse’s demeanors after that. Because I declined to file a police report they didn’t believe I was a victim. By their way of speaking to me and handling things it was obvious to me that they likely thought I got drunk, had a one night stand that I was now regretting and was making sure I didn’t get any STD’s when I was being easy but was embarrassed so I was making up the assault.

I was given a gown and told to undress. After 15 minutes a male doctor who was atleast 70 possibly up to 80 years old walked in with both nurses. He again asked me if I wanted to make a police report and informed me that if he examined me without the police then I could not change my mind. I declined. He told me to lower my robe so he could check for injuries even though i stated I only wanted to be tested for STD’s. But I felt some satisfaction knowing the very visible and painful injuries that he now had to see. Only tells me to lay down and lower my bottom on the table. He grabs the speculum and silent tears are already running down the sides of my head into my ears but with a gloved hand he starts examining the outside of my vagina and I’m whimpering because it was painful.

He slams the metal speculum on the metal tray hard and in a raised, annoyed voice tells the female nurse to go get the pediatric speculum because “She’s” obviously not going to allow me to use these! I’m left in a room with a male doctor and male nurse by myself with my legs spread and the doctor stays sitting between my opened legs where he needs to sit to examine me but doesn’t touch me or say a word. I just stare at the ceiling in this silent room until the female nurse comes back who won’t even look at my face.

The doctor does a quick few swabs and tells me he’s done and walked out. As I’m sitting up the male nurse walks out and the female nurse tells me that I should be contacted by phone in the next 2 weeks for my results but in 6 months I’ll need to get tested for HIV again and if that test is negative assuming it is the first one, then I’m clear but even though the first may be negative, I could still be positive which is why I need 2 tests 6 months apart. Male nurse walks in, asks me to sign a paper and hands me a paper with STD information and tells me I can leave after I’m dressed.

Even with the physical, visible signs that I was assaulted, I was made to feel like a stupid, irresponsible, dirty, dramatic female who put herself in a situation where I let myself get raped or made some decisions that were too ugly in the morning and I was dealing with the consequences of my actions.

All tests were negative. Thankfully wasn’t nurses I knew from our small town. But i can’t help but feel for the women who don’t have visible signs of assault that don’t want to press charges because my injuries were so obvious and so hard to brush off as rough sex and I was still treated as though I was to blame or overreacting. But how I was treated by medical professionals was the exact reason I didn’t want to try to convince law enforcement officers or have to go to court.

Stay safe. Do what you feel is best for you. And trust your own experience and judgement.

TW/ discussions of blood, invasive medical procedures, trauma

I really need help im really struggling, if anyone can help me, please.

Im 24 and i live in the UK. I have endometriosis and PCOS. My periods have always been horrific, extremely heavy and excessively painful. Its been a huge struggle for 16 years (i was very young when I started). I have been trying to get help ever since and only in the last year have been referred to a gynecologist.

The doctor i saw originally was really comforting and seemed like he really wanted to help me (will call him Dr A). However he did recommend the hormonal IUD. I was really anxious about it and didn't want to do it, at first I felt like I had no other choice because he said it was the best option for me. But he did also make me feel safe in the sense that if I wasn't ok with it he wouldn't do it.

I had an appointment to get it inserted and was dealing with constant anxiety, panic attacks, sleep issues and more, leading up to it. On the day I was incredibly distressed and was trying to calm myself down in the knowledge that Dr A would be there and he could talk me through it and if I didn't want it he wouldn't do it. I showed up on the day, expecting Dr A to be there only to be brought in by a totally different doctor (Dr B) whom id never met before. I wasn't told it wasn't going to be Dr A inserting it and my anxiety went from 80 to 100 in 2 seconds.

Dr B basically told me i could either "get it overwith or rebook" which in her words "may take months for a new appointment". I was having a very obvious panic attack at this point; hyperventilating, scream-crying, clutching a stress ball to the point where it burst. I went into the bathroom to try and calm myself down, came out still crying and obviously distressed. Feeling pressured i said "ok fine ill get it over with".

I sat in the chair crying my eyes out and hyperventilating, very clearly in severe distress. Dr B just went ahead and inserted the device, telling me seconds before that the coil id been told I was getting (the mirena) was actually not the one i was getting but not giving me a chance to ask any follow up questions. She injected me with anesthetic about 5 times, each time was excruciatingly painful and then put the IUD in which felt like my insides were being ripped apart. It was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life and that is saying something.

She didn't warn me about how painful it was (she said there may be some mild cramping). She didn't warn me about the amount of blood there would be (she said there may be a bit of bleeding), there was a lot of blood. She didn't give me any information on the IUD at all; nothing about risks of perforation, ruptures, ectopic pregnancy; nothing about the device itself, what it looked like, the size, the threads (i didn't even know the threads existed). She didn't tell me any of this until after she had inserted it. She told me all this information right after. I said I would never have gotten it if id known and she said "well I can take it out if you want".

After what I had just been through i couldn't believe what I was hearing. Dr B was acting like she'd put braids in my hair and after I didn't like them offered to take them out. This was not the same thing. This was an incredibly invasive, painful, distressing experience and it was all going to be for nothing. Why didn't she tell me beforehand? Better yet, why did she even think i was in a good enough mental state to consent to it when I was literally in the middle of a panic attack. I feel extremely violated and I cant fathom being treated in gynecology ever again. I cant fathom being examined in that way ever again. I don't ever want to get a smear test, I dont ever want to get checked in any way for any reason. I won't be able to get pregnant ever now because ill need to get seen by doctors in that way.

A week later I started my period. The pain was so severe that I was unable to move for a while, I couldn't think of anything else, It was so bad that I went to A and E and the people were horrible to me. I managed to get out of the taxi and get to the seat in the waiting room but from then I couldn't walk, I was keeled over in pain and when I was called i said I couldn't walk and the nurse said "how did u get in then? Hmm?". I Eventually got pain relief and was then left in the waiting room for 18 hours. I went in at 1pm on Sunday and was only seen at 8am on Monday. When I was seen they checked the threads and told me it was "fine" there was "nothing wrong". The pain was so horrific that I went to hospital and I have a very high pain tolerance. There clearly WAS something wrong. Once more in my nhs app they described my visit as "Abdominal pain: Minor". I referred to it as a 9.

Every single period since has been hell but not quite as horrific as that first one. Way worse than my usual ones though. Even between periods I have had no end of bother. Random severe cramping. Prolonged periods (up to 11 days instead of my usual 5 or 6). Bleeding between periods. Dryness. Vaginal pain. Constant yeast infections. Severe constipation. Mood swings. UTI's. Plus I can FEEL the threads inside me, literally all the time, I can feel them.

I booked an appointment with Dr A a month and a half later to try and discuss this. He asked me to come in (specifically so that he could see my mental state). One of the first things he said was "if you want ill take it out" I cant handle that. Believe me theres nothing I want more than to have it gone but I dont want anyone anywhere near me anymore. I cant do this anymore. And the worst part is I don't have a choice! Im going to have to get checked again Eventually. Im going to have to get it taken out eventually. I cant do this. Im terrified of getting it removed being painful, causing more issues after (ive heard about the crash). I know everyone says its not as painful getting it removed but I was also told it wasn't as bad getting it put in so I dont believe them. Im also terrified that if I get it out they'll consider it no longer an issue and all that trauma will just be forgotten. And I still have no help for my endo or pcos. It was all for nothing

He seems like he really does care but no one understands how badly this has harmed me. I cant go on like this. Ive made a formal complaint against Dr B but she's maintaining that she received full consent. Ive tried reaching out to many medical negligence companies but none of them will take me on for no win no fee because they dont think they can prove it. She's going to get away with it and im going to be left like this.

I dont know what to do.

It was inserted in November and its now March and ive been suffering constantly. I cant keep going like this but i dont know how to move on from it.

If anyone knows anything that can help please let me know. If there is any support out there, anything. Please.

But please, i cant handle any hate so please dont leave a comment if you're going to tell me I should've done something different.

EDIT: I truly understand all the comments are pure intentioned but please dont tell me to "just get it taken out". Its caused me a lot of trauma i cannot deal with being told this as if its no big deal. When I asked "what do I do" what I mean is "what can I possibly do to feel safe again with doctors" because right now even the idea of getting a smear test makes me have a full on breakdown. Please dont tell me to just get it taken out, believe me i want to but I cant handle that right now.

UPDATE: Dr A has gone off sick long term now and I feel so hopeless I genuinely dont know if ill ever be able to get checked ever again. I need the iud taken out but I honestly cant go to anyone else I dont feel safe. I cant do it. It's not fair I don't see how im meant to get past this. I cant do this anymore....

My boyfriend is 28 and in his second year of orthopedic surgery residency. Overall he’s a good boyfriend, but something about the way he talks about patients has been bothering me.
When he talks about work, it’s often negative comments about female patients’ bodies — not “this woman was pretty,” but things like complaining that he “had to operate on a whale,” or being grossed out that someone wasn’t shaved, etc and other personal stuff. It feels very harsh and dehumanizing to me.
I know doctors probably become desensitized to bodies and I understand residency culture can be blunt, but it still really puts me off because I would hope doctors don’t talk about patients like that.
When I brought it up, he told me not to worry and said that residents/doctors “just talk like that.
Is this actually common/normal in surgical residency culture, or is this something I should take more seriously?

i was arguing with someone in a comment section and looked through her reposts, she’s about to be a nurse apparently and what do you know, she hates trans people and immigrants. like every single repost is about hating them and sure, freedom of speech and opinion i get it, but why do these types of people specifically go into the field of helping all types of people? she already has hate and prejudice against these groups of people, i can just hope she never treats them unfairly :/ it just sucks to see

Women’s Regular Cancer Screenings: Cervical Cancer Vs Other Cancers

Below are incidences of yearly deaths for some cancers in women in the US for 2025:

• Cervical Cancer: 4,320
• Uterine Cancer: 13,860
• Ovarian Cancer: 12,730
• Endometrial Cancer: 14,000
• Kidney & Urinary System: 10,300
• Blood Cancers: 24,290
• Lung/ Respiratory System Cancer: 61,860

References, including for other cancers:

https://acsjournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.3322/caac.21871

https://ocrahope.org/for-patients/gynecologic-cancers/ovarian-cancer/ovarian-cancer-statistics/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12221196/

The only type of cancer in this list for which doctors care to screen is cervical cancer with a pap smear.  This is done by mychart reminders, phone calls, letters in the mail, nagging, coercion, by force, by blackmail from withholding other medications, by lying and telling patients it is mandatory, sometimes by lying and tricking patients into it without their consent or even actually against their consent. But cervical cancer has the lowest incidence in this list. It is NOT the most common cancer for women.

Now look at all the other more dangerous and more common cancers in women in this list. What regular screenings are done for these? None. Do screening tests exist for these? Yes. But doctors don’t care and won’t use them.

Uterine Cancer, Ovarian Cancer, and Endometrial Cancer, which accounted for 40,590 deaths in US women last year, cannot be detected by a pap smear or pelvic exam. They are in another separate body cavity which cannot be viewed through the pelvic exam. The screening test for these is outer pelvic ultrasound (not transvaginal ultrasound, because that is indecent and sadistic to women), and the simple easy blood test for some ovarian/ uterine/ endometrial cancers is CA-125. Another screening test for endometrial cancer is the endometrial biopsy which should only be done when there are symptoms. But I just cannot remember my doctor sending me a mychart message saying “Dear patient, Remember that ovarian/ uterine/ endometrial cancers are the most common gynecology cancers with the most deaths in women! We care about your health! Please call us back to schedule your yearly outer pelvic ultrasound and CA-125 blood test!”….. Did I miss this message from my doctors? Where did it go? Or did they not really care about me when they did the same thing for pap smears? And did they have other motives besides my health, such as billing, and metrics for their yearly bonus??

Some of the kidney and urinary system cancers would be detected by a Chemistry labs or Urinalysis labs, which used to be standard yearly health screenings. But the Urinalysis has been removed from almost all doctor’s offices for yearly screening, and many primary care doctors have also discontinued running yearly Chemistry labs like they used to.

Blood cancers also accounted for 6 times more deaths in US women last year, than cervical cancer. The screening tests for these would be a CBC, patient symptoms, then a Peripheral Blood Smear. But many primary care doctors removed the yearly CBC and never do it at all. If a patient feels sick and begs for a CBC lab to be done, and it shows abnormal results, then the doctors still sometimes do not care and say to ignore the results. And some blood cancers can have normal counts on the CBC, but only show up instead on the Peripheral Blood Smear which should be done for patient symptoms but never is. Again – where is the “love and concern” for patients for these cancers, which doctors exhibited for patients when demanding pap smears?

And the last cancer on the list which is the worse one: Lung/ Respiratory Cancer killed 61,860 women in 2025. These numbers are higher than all the gynecology and blood cancers put together. This is serious. Apparently, women should have a yearly chest x-ray for lung cancer screening. But they don’t. And even when women do have symptoms and say they feel sick and their chest hurts, doctors usually will not believe them, and they often will not let them have any tests for it. Instead those women end up in the ER as a last recourse when it finally progresses more by then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am very disturbed and disappointed by what I see above. There is much phoniness in this industry, and hateful disregard & neglect for women’s health in more pressing areas where they genuinely need it.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EDIT: For anyone wanting the 2025 incidence rate in addition to the death rate, this is shown below, also from the same references above.

Cervical Cancer had both the lowest cancer death rate in 2025 on this list, and also the lowest incidence rate too. The pap smear screening is not what was making the death rate lower. Rather, cervical cancer is simply just an uncommon cancer in the first place, compared to others.

• Cervical Cancer: 13,360
• Uterine Cancer: 69,120
• Ovarian Cancer: 20,890
• Endometrial Cancer: 67,880
• Kidney & Urinary System: 50,150
• Blood Cancers: 83,340
• Lung/ Respiratory Cancer: 121,000

 

im wondering if anyone in this community has experience with Nebraska medical center hospital in Omaha, as this is not an isolated incident and it has left me feeling frightened to see it’s a repeated occurance at their hospital involving the same guy ….. this involves a white male Dr ~40s….