u/Competitive-Bag-900

Im wondering if anyone has used the ordinary HA 30% + BHA 2% Peeling Solution?

Skin concern/skin type:

I have semi dry skin with some acne scars, and left over dark spots from those pimples/on thr scars. I now get hormonal cystic acne once a month on my cheeks (literally 1 big cystic pimple) and its ALWAYS scarring... without a fail no matter how gentle I am.

I've worked on rebuilding my skin barrier but need to be consistent, and I don't get any other acne aside from that 1.

and people have said the chemical peel has helped but I dont want to jump in it and want to know if its any good or if people have other recommendations?

Day routine:

Cerave moisturizing cleanser

Klairs hydrating unscented toner

Cerave intensive moisturizing lotion

Biore suncreen

Night routine:

it's pretty much the same.

I also own Cicaplast Baume for pimples, paulas choice salicylic acid (use it 1-2 times a week) and squalene oil that I put on at night or after salicylic acid if not the Cicaplast Baume.

Allergy: none, but im not too fond of fragrance as sometimes they can be irritating.

Products I’ve used and didn’t work:

azealic acid by the ordinary. it piles way too much.

Diet: could be better but I eat eggs, Sourdough, etc for breakfast, and try to be consistent with a berry smoothie mixed with spinach, greek yogurt; etc but thats once a week.. dinner is mainly rice, a meat/protein, and veggies.

General Health: could be better at exercising and sleeping. i tend to sleep very late actually and exercise once every 2 weeks, but im still in shape.

Throw away account btw

Im just sharing my experience as someone that's ghosted people more times than I'd like to admit and the reason. This involves a psychological analysis on why I ghosted a friend and maybe some may relate or it can give perspective.

For context, I was friends with someone for a good 1-2 years. Our friendship was mainly online as thats how we connected the most/I felt most comfortable. We would sometimes hang out maybe 1-2 times a week for long hours every now and then.

The friendship was pretty good, we discussed literally everything almost to the point where I feel like we didn't have any boundaries (one of the factors of the ghosting).

However there was a lot of things that led to me ghosting them. The first is they weren't the most emotionally intelligent. When things became deep, or I was going through something they'd make jokes about it. I told them I didnt like it and they would slowly improve but then have moments where they regress... I'd share articles, resources and videos with them and when I told them if this continued I wouldn't feel comfortable being vulnerable with them or having them as a friend they'd show improvement again but fall back onto the things I expressed made me feel like my struggles and emotions weren't being taken seriously...

They weren't a bad person, they told me they struggle with feelings and might be somewhere on the spectrum or have some sort of a personality disorder.

However this wasnt the only issue. I saw them trying to steal something from a store when I was with them one time. It shocked me because they arent the drug, alcohol, partying or lawbreaker kind of person but it put a bad taste in my mouth especially since I saw cameras around. Luckily I convinced them not to, it was a useless item too...

Another thing was, we were sexual Maybe 2-4 times. It wasn't sex, they willingly let me see them partially nude we interacted with one another.

So everything was just getting a bit too much for me.

The mix of them not knowing how to understand and navigate things when i want to have a deep conversation or share my struggles, and not fully getting when I tell them that "hey if you joke about xyz it makes me not want to open but" but they insist on me being open, then me having to show them how to go about things, and then having to help them look at their own emotions, and on top of that how they can communicate their emotions. Then them trying to commit petty theft, and the sexual aspect which kinda crossed a line it shouldnt have, and feeling pressure to constantly be around them, tell them things, be with their family, teach them things, etc.

On top of us being fully open books but them not knowing how to navigate that, and me oversharing and not sticking to my actual intentions or what i tell myself I will or wont do in the friendship and not being good at boundary setting, especially since I knew they werent either because again they werent emotionally aware..

Now onto the actual ghosting.

After everything I decided to slowly just stop communicating by being dry, and eventually stopped talking/texting/etc. They sent a long paragraph a week after about how they felt used especially after showing me a vulnerable part of their body, and they don't like the fact that I stopped texting them (I empathize and understand and felt guilty) and they felt like I basically did the complete opposite of what my morals were and what I've said I believed in.

I wanted to give them closure and elaborate on my actions, so I messaged them, and apologized for what I did. And told them I wouldn't have the same amount of time to meet and communicate with them, and its not them its me. I told them in the future I may reach back. (Because I didnt know how to rip the bandaid and say hey I dont wanna be friends, we've done xyz and I've played xyz part and I don't like that you've done xyz)

This was a cowardice move. I admit it and I acknowledge it and im not proud of myself. Its mean.

However, I feel like I've constantly told them throughout the friendship that their lack of emotional expression was causing me to not want to interact deeply with them, and I've tried to communicate but things always said the same.

So I ghosted them after attempting to tie loose threads. Then maybe another week passed and they messaged me telling me that if things continue like this our friendship wont be the same and they dont like where things are going.

I ignored that message.

Its been almost a year and I've pretty much put it on the back burner of my mind. Its very out of sight out of mind, but ive also reflected on my actions, the friendship, etc and the parts ive played and what I wont do next time.

However, every now and then I've been getting dreams about them and they're always showcasing them being upset with me or aloof and it makes feel an immense amount of guilt.

It has been really bad this week so I decided to break no contact and text them (after a year of ghosting) to see how they are.

I believe they saw the message but decided to ignored it.

A part of me messaged because I felt so much guilt and it would manifest subconsciously and I needed to express it outward, and I was hoping that while they may not forgive me, they'd let me know that they're alright despite it all, which I know is selfish and I acknowledge it to be a bit cruel.

i just wanted to feel justified in my ghosting and know that they're okay, despite me being one of the only people they've ever really opened to, which was a result of me carrying both of our emotional weight and them not having that anymore.

A part of the reason I may have also done that (carrying their emotions) is because deep down I wanted someone to grow with me, and to have another person to do inner work with as I was (and still a bit am) scared of doing it myself. So having someone elses emotions and experiences and trauma to carry alongside mine, made it feel like tackling my own shadows would be easier and less threatening.

Which also makes me realize, that in the beginning of our friendship I saw and acknowledge the red flags. The parts of them that I disliked I already knew, and saw how our friendship would be and end (me ghosting). Which makes me realize I was (or still a bit am) an avoidant attachment style.

I willingly befriended someone who I saw to not be the most emotionally intelligent, communicative, and dry. Someone who I had to spend time teaching a fundamental human skill of empathy.

If I was emotionally avaliable, I wouldn't have done even a quarter of that. I would've instead skipped that entire chapter and sought out people that would've been equally yoked.

But because deep down I knew emotionally avaliable people wouldn't tolerate my own pitfalls (constantly wanting to spend time alone, and not showing true vulnerability, being fearful of facing parts of myself, not knowing my boundaries or how to be the friend I want) i found a mirror.

And that mirror was someone who didnt really have emotions and already told me from the beginning. So I was just as emotionally avoidant but had a "high horse" since I knew empathy, I knew how to communicate certain things and I knew how to help people open up in order to try to help "fix" the issues I know they have just so I can feel fixed too. So I felt somewhat better about myself.

The thing that makes me feel even worse is they shared to me things they've been through, like constantly being chosen last, people stopping communication with them, trauma surrounding friendship, exclusion, and people leaving them, and growing up not being taught how to express themselves.

They finally started doing all that, slowly but surely, but it wasn't "enough" as I felt like I had to enchor their trauma and mine.

So I ghosted them, I repeated the cycle thats happened to them before. And I fear and hope that I havent made them completely shut off now from ever wanting to open up to people because when they opened up to me, after awhile I then ghosted.

How I'm changing: I've decided to not have any close friends right now. I dont want to put anyone through that and I notice its a habit that I do whenever my life starts to change and I feel myself outgrowing someone or realizing harsh truths about myself. I'm also working on establishing healthy boundaries, of things I wont tolerate (sexual activities, carrying emotional weight, etc) in a friendship, and knowing what is, and isnt oversharing.

Alongside how to control the urge to just immediately get to know everything about the person, because I dont want to "waste time" getting to know someone for awhile just for it to turn into nothing again. Which may be a lesser version of love bombing, but its done out of fear of investing long-term and it failing, not trying to control someone. I also dont like the anticipation and the beginning of interactions where things feel awkward so I'd rather get everything out of the way and know everything fast. (Aka oversharing, lack of me having boundaries, etc)

I also want to start by having people I see on a daily basis within certain environments (creative clubs, events, volunteer, club) and get used to slowly getting to know people and building up healthy relationships within those environments. That way I can kinda have multiple people to interact with only at certain places instead of 1 close friend that's getting everything dumped on them or vice versa.

My goal is eventually being able to have a few people I can interact with almost daily, and again know my boundaries and what I'm looking for in a friendship.

I also want to become emotionally avaliable by not going for the red flags, because they reflect a part of me and instead dealing with those emotions and facing them head on instead of trying to get someone to work on themselves with me as im too scared to do it alone.

Tldr: I ghosted a friend of 1-2 years for almost a year because they werent emotionally intelligent, tried to steal something, things turned semi-sexual, I subconsciously thought "helping them" and getting them to "open up" would be a way to fix myself as well, and when I started to work on myself and realize its unhealthy for me to be a crutch to them, especially since they struggle with emotions and I'm going through my own things, and I'd would tell them I want more emotional growth from them, but they didnt change, it resulted in me ghosting them. I messaged them out of guilt (its been a year) and wanting to know their okay out of my own selfishness. They ignored my message/havent responded and I dont know if I made the right move. I'm working on being emotionally avaliable, and dealing with my issues head on. I just need advice/opinions, etc. Did I do the write thing?