I shall say some things before I get started. I phrase parts of my post in a formal or flamboyant manner, in part because it's a coping mechanism. I am not attempting to glamorize anything. I am making this post because I'm scared for my friend's life and my livelihood (though admittedly one of those, as I am continuously reminded, is significantly more important than the other.) and I need an outside, unbiased opinion.
People who are important to this story:
me (m🏳️⚧️), Bench (f🏳️⚧️), Tree (m), Ouch (genderfluid), Red (??I think bigender?? I'll be referring to him by male pronouns), Flutter (polygender)
people who are mentioned
Nil (m🏳️⚧️), Laugh (f), Weow (genderfluid), Volume (m)
Please note: we are at a relatively small high school. The main part of this story takes place yesterday, April 30th, 2026. Sorry if my writing is difficult to comprehend, I've had a long day to say the least and I'm really quite shaken. No real names were used here, and ages shall not be disclosed.
Allow me to paint the picture for you, spectators to my dumpster fire of a situation. I have this friend... let's call her "bench" She became my friend several months ago, and very quickly confided in me all her worldly woes. As it turns out, bench and I have a lot in common when it comes to past trauma and how we react to things, with the only difference being that I generally seem slightly more stable.
Relatively early in our friendship, she began harming herself. I urged her to get help but due to past trauma, she was hesitant to do so. I helped her the best I could, but while I could provide a shoulder to cry on, I couldn't do much else. I was scared, I still am. She seemed to be getting better until an incident about a month ago.
This was the first time she threatened suicide, and it wasn't even a threat. It was a statement, a declaration. She, over text, basically told me that I'd be rid of her soon and that I'd be better off. I, sobbing hysterically, tried my best to help. And I did. I managed to get through to her, and she said that she wasn't serious and just needed to know someone cared. I felt betrayed. How could I not? She'd scared me so incredibly badly for what? Some kind of twisted validation?
I knew something wasn't right with her saying she wasn't serious, but I played along. A few weeks later, we were on a class camping trip when I hit burnout. This caused me to fully shut down and lash out a little. I thought she'd be okay, given that she'd recently told our mutual friends Red, Tree, and Volume about her situation. She wasn't. I convinced her to call a hotline the next day but... I was exhausted. Red helped a lot but... I don't know it was just...
Since then, she's come out as transgender and as a fellow trans person, I did my best to support her. I gave her all my pre-transition clothes and reminded her that she's a wonderful young woman. I thought she was doing better, I really did. When she came out to her parents they reacted, and I quote, "better than they could've but worse than they should've." This caused Bench to almost relapse. She called me the day before yesterday, crying and talking about suicide again. I was so scared, but I managed to talk her down. The next day, that being yesterday, she stopped by my house and her eyes looked... empty. This is where the real story starts. Context will be woven in as it's needed.
I tried to ask her if she was okay, but my dad (who knew the whole situation and was eager to protect me due to something I've been through in the past where my parents failed to take action and it basically ruined my life) had me leave the scene. Bench assured me she was okay and for some reason I believed her.
When we parted ways for class, I told her to "survive" because it's something we say to each other for some reason. She responded, "I won't" and I really should have figured something was wrong. I sat through my first class and found her during the break, breathing shallowly and staring off into space. She asked me to go find Red, who has been there for Bench alongside me since the camping trip. I went to find him, but he snapped at me, saying "I can't always just drop everything!" This rattled me and I quite nearly started crying because I was scared and being yelled at and so stressed.
In the end, Red came over and the two of us convinced her to see a counselor. I skipped my math class (which had a test) to sit with her and hold her through a panic attack. Whenever she has one, I usually just hold her close to me and talk to her or sing or hum until she feels better. I spoke to the counselor on her behalf, telling her how Bench had expressed suicidal ideation the previous night.
I missed the entirety of math class, but I think my friend's life is more important than a test. I really thought she was okay by the time we left, and I stayed back with the counselor just... trying to regain some energy.
Once I left, I saw Bench sitting alone and that really worried me. She tends to get lost in her head and that can lead her down some dark paths. I was so tired I could hardly see, but I walked over to her and reminded her the best I could that I care about her no matter what. I don't know why I let myself leave her like that, why I convinced myself that she'd be okay. I told the counselor not to leave her alone but... glancing back as I walked away, she was completely by herself. I was so tired that all I could muster was a vague sense of fear. I sat with my friend Nil, hardly able to speak but somehow conveying my terror. I don't remember what he said to me.
When the next class began, I found some students who had the class with bench and asked them to check in with her on my behalf. My next class involved fire and machinery, which I did not feel safe operating in my current state, so with the teacher's permission I sat out. I turned on my phone to listen to some music to see three messages from Bench to Red and me on my phone. "I want to die/ it's serious/ shit"
I started crying. I didn't have the energy to hold in my tears anymore, and I was so fucking scared. My friend Flutter sat with me, even though they didn't know anything about the situation. They had also been there for me on the camping trip, when I was so tired and scared that I couldn't think. I saw my friend Weow too, though as they're really quite introverted and have trouble with big feelings, they just watched from afar.
Red found me shaking and dripping tears and hugged me, even though he was near tears himself. A few teachers came over, trying to convince us that Bench was safe, that "he" was with a counselor and seemed okay. Bullshit. I had no doubt that she was with a counselor but okay? No shot. I pleaded with them, but it was no use.
Red sat with me through the rest of class, grasping at straws, trying to convince both of us that she'd be okay. Apparently, Red hadn't even seen the messages but had talked to Bench and as such, knew some additional details. I only remember one thing from our conversation. Red said, "She's gonna slit the wrong vein... sh-she told me she was gonna sl-slit her wrists but e-everyone knows that you do the thigh. She can't know about the thigh... please she can't know..."
I said, and I don't remember if this was before or after Red's statement, "do you know how much Bench knows about the human body?" (bench has helped me with writing various things in the past) "If she's gonna do this it's gonna work."
Fast forward about an hour. I was going to leave school early because Red and Flutter insisted, and they told me they would literally kill me if they saw me at school the next day (today). My mom picked me up and upon leaving the nurse's office, Bench was outside. Alone. They said she was safe and in counseling, yet here she was just... by herself.
I immediately went over to her, exhausted beyond belief but still trying to be there, asking if she was okay. she said, in a strangely empty voice, "I know what happened in (my last class). S-someone told me. I'm so sorry." At this point my mom noticed and tried to walk Bench to the counselor's office but bench started doing the tall person walk that's almost a run. I don't know where she went, as my mom insisted I stay behind. After about five minutes, she came back and walked me out the door briskly. She made me promise that if Bench called or texted me, I wouldn't respond.
After the school day ended, I sent Bench a message making sure she was okay. She never responded. Instead, she sent Red and I an abrupt goodbye message. "Bye guys/ you've been amazing friends/ don't look at the news"
Red and I spammed various versions of "FUCK" "DONT YOU FUCKING DARE" and the like. I could barely see through my tears. I called them both, hardly able to speak but determined to convey... something.
Bench was with two friends, Tree and Ouch. Tree was the only person not crying. My dad's girlfriend called 911 and I kept Bench engaged long enough for the police to arrive. I don't exactly remember what happened over the ten minutes or so before the police showed up. I was just trying to keep Bench talking while giving my dad's girlfriend her visual details. Red had to go, but I stayed on the line. After what felt like forever, I heard over the phone, "hey kid, are you Bench? Can we talk to you for a minute?" Bench was hysterical, saying "I'm so tired of fighting" through tears. I heard Tree's voice addressing the presumably police, "Can I come too?"
Bench told me she had to hang up now, but that she'd call me back. I spent a very long time without the energy to cry, my face just leaking as my dad's girlfriend rubbed my back and told me that I did the right thing.
Once I calmed down a bit, I texted the relevant people. I told Red that we'd called 911 and reassured him that she'd be okay. I asked Ouch if he was okay, as this was his first time hearing about how much Bench was suffering. He said he was okay, just crying a lot and really scared. Flutter, who had picked up context clues when I broke down during class, reached out reminding me that I've done everything I can. I updated them on the situation at hand, and they told me how proud of me they were.
Weow had texted me after seeing me sobbing, offering to be there and making sure I was safe. I gave the abridged events, and they reminded me that I'm their best friend and they're always here for me if I need it. I started crying again.
then... Bench texted. She was on the way to the hospital. At this point all my emotions had vacated me. I was switching between feeling what felt like everything and nothing at all. I told her that I was so happy she was safe, but that I'd expended a dangerous amount of energy and didn't know what it would do to my ability to be present.
Tree texted me an hour later (I didn't have his number - if I did, I would've reached out to check in) saying that Bench was at the hospital and making sure I was okay. We talked for a few minutes about Bench, the situation at hand, and other things.
I started calming down, my exhaustion finally setting in.
Then... my friend Laugh texted. "There are rumors that you, Bench, and Red are dating. If these aren't true, can you tell me so I can shut them down?"
uh... what.
I told her that no, we weren't dating, and asked her to do what she could to shut down the rumors. At this point, I was so tired that I just told her everything. I felt like shit and one of my best friends had just almost killed herself and people were spreading rumors?? I was angry, sad, pained, and exhausted beyond reasonable belief.
I don't know what will happen from here. I'm so scared and I need a break from Bench, from rumors, from everything. I don't know what to do.
I probably won't add to this story unless something insane happens.
Thank you for reading this. I know it's disjointed, but I'm so tired. Fare thee well, folks. Have a good day.