I (F24) recently got engaged to my fiancé (M25) shortly after my college graduation. For context, we have been together for 4 years and he had graduated the year prior. One thing I want to make clear: I love this man and he loves me beyond words. We are the best of friends and he truly is my soulmate. However, I have such a rough relationship with my proposal and it truly is breaking my heart and I don’t know what to do.
We went to California to celebrate my graduation and he proposed on the trip. He proposed on the beach with a cousin there recording it happen. I did not know she was there recording until after the fact. To some, this would seem like the dream proposal. But honestly, it was far from mine. In his defense, I gave him two parameters on what I would like. I told him I wanted the proposal to be in nature and to have photos to remember it. In my mind, this would be something maybe woodsy (in a romantic way, not a creepy way lol) with a hired photographer hiding from my sight. Instead, I got a beach, which I don’t even really like, and a woman I barely know taking a shaky iPhone video with onlookers around the beach and then a few photos where I felt incredibly awkward. It truly was so unexpected, and while I am definite that I want to marry my fiancé, I just get very sad thinking about what should be one of the best memories of my life. Not to mention, I also hate what I was wearing so that also does not help when I look back at photos. I know my man tried to make it super romantic, but It didn’t really feel like “me”, even though he knows me better than anyone and shows me that daily. It hurts so much because we are a very solid couple. He treats me incredibly well, we fight very rarely, and I truly feel like he does most things right- that’s why this is so emotionally difficult to deal with.
Not to mention, I feel like it’s “engagement season” and seeing everyone’s perfect proposal pictures on social media just makes me so sad because that’s what I really wanted- not for social media but to have a memory where I not only felt loved, which I did, but also beautiful, which I don’t.
I definitely can’t tell him how I feel-because I know it would just crush him and I don’t think it would even change/solve anything here. I just feel like maybe I need to vent and see if I’m the only one dealing with this feeling?
I’m sorry if I have too many run on’s- just kind of ranting here.