u/Competitive_Smile250

That's it, nothing more. I just wanted to share this random thought.

I finished watching BoJack Horseman about two weeks ago, and yesterday I started binge-listening to Angel Dust again. It made me realize how much the lyrics explain.

I didn't have bad parents, so I've always had a hard time understanding what goes on in the minds of parents who are cruel to their kids. The last verses of "RV" explain it so well...

It's just the continuation of a cycle, with people who were never able to overcome their ghosts. Deep down, they know they're miserable—"I hate you," talking to myself. And that self-hatred only perpetuates the pain they feel, because it's the only way they know how to live, and they teach their children only what they know.

https://preview.redd.it/qepgls2rps9h1.png?width=772&format=png&auto=webp&s=5c8dd8ee8f8a2f205d7d44356faa281159b5e099

Hi everyone,

I'm 27yo. When I was 12, I met my first close friend at school, and it always seemed very strange to me how much she liked herself. For a long time, especially during pre-adolescence and early adolescence, I believed that everyone with self-esteem was lying. When I discovered that it's normal to think you're beautiful or to like yourself, it felt surreal. I had always thought of myself as ugly, stupid, and uninteresting; that was simply my normal.

At 14, I attempted suicide but ultimately didn't go through with it. I believed that one day everything would get better because I was probably just too young. Nothing changed.

I'm now in my first serious long-term relationship, which has lasted about four years, and we occasionally argue because I struggle to fully believe that someone could love me. Yesterday, we had another argument, and I don't know what to do anymore. It was one of those arguments where I tried to understand whether he shared any responsibility for the situation, but apparently it's all in my head.

I stopped taking antidepressants six months ago after being on them for two years. I discontinued them on my doctor's recommendation, and I agreed because I never noticed any benefits. If anything, they only caused problems, such as making me sleep every afternoon.

I am, however, taking medication for ADHD (the inattentive type), as prescribed by my doctor. The medication is working well. The sadness remains, but it never improved with antidepressants either. I have become more irritable and quick to anger, though.

I don't see how antidepressants could help me, because I have never stopped hating myself. My self-hatred feels intrinsic. I dislike leaving the house because I feel that everyone is staring at my physical flaws. I don't post photos of myself on social media. I'm embarrassed to share my interests online and usually delete my posts shortly afterward. I feel mediocre, just another ordinary person.

The only thing that has stopped me from acting on suicidal thoughts during the past 12 months is my rescued disabled bird, who has several limitations. I know that no one else would care for him the way I do. Another reason is my 17-year-old autistic brother. If our mother were ever to die, I would be the only person left to take care of him.

I don't know what I'm supposed to look for. I don't know where to look. Ever since I can remember being conscious of myself, I've felt incapable of being loved. It's strange, because I had loving parents, so I can't blame them for it. I think I was born with some kind of defect.

There hasn't been a single day in my life that I can remember looking in the mirror and liking what I saw, or reflecting on my personality and finding anything interesting or worthwhile. Self-hatred feels like my factory setting. I don't even know if this is depression, because it's literally the only way of living I know.

Hi everyone,

I’m 26 and I’ve never been very sporty, but I’ve always been quite active in the sense that I walk a lot. I regularly choose walking over public transport and I can easily walk for about 2 hours without issues, even uphill sometimes.

About 3–4 months ago I started using a bicycle for part of my commute. The route is not very steep according to Google Maps, but it takes me around 25–30 minutes each way. The first ~10–12 minutes are easy (flat road / slight descent), but after that there is a gradual uphill section and the rest becomes progressively more demanding.

At first, the bike felt almost too easy in the lowest gear (gear 1), so I was actually using gear 2 in the beginning because gear 1 felt “too light” and unstable. But over time I had to switch to gear 1, and now I use it all the time. Here’s the confusing part: instead of getting easier over time, it feels like I’m getting worse!

Now what happens is: My legs start feeling heavy very early in the ride; I feel like I need to put in more and more force just to keep moving; If I don’t push harder, I basically slow down or almost stop; I get very sweaty and fatigued; I usually have to stop once or twice on the uphill section to recover; When I stop, my heart rate feels very high for a short time (maybe 15–20 seconds), then it goes back to normal quickly.

What frustrates me is that this used to be easier. In the first month or so I could complete the route even if it was exhausting, but now I feel like I struggle more than I did at the beginning. I honestly don’t understand why, and I'm just pretty sad.

I also tried adjusting my cadence (pedaling faster with lighter effort per pedal stroke), but that actually made me fatigue even faster. The main issue always seems to start in my legs: they feel heavy and weak first, before anything else.

For context: I cycle this route 2–3 times per week; I walk a lot and I’m not sedentary; I’ve had normal medical checkups in the past (blood tests, ECG, etc.); I’m currently on methylphenidate (not sure if relevant)

I’m not sure if this is a training issue, a bike/gear issue, or something else entirely. I actually enjoy cycling and I really want to improve, but right now I feel stuck and a bit discouraged because it feels like I’m getting worse instead of better.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Any ideas what might be going on or what I could try differently?