My father is a drug addicted and an alcoholic, he’s really hard working and everything but he still affect the way I interact with men, I wish I could just have a normal relationship with guys my age but I can’t, or even with older men, but not even that I need constant attention, I get in crisis mode if I’m left on read or send for 10 min, I just wish I could be normal instead of craving attention.
Even though it has been time since then I just felt good enough to talk about it, my father as always was drunk and out of the house, I saw how all my classmates spend the day with their fathers while I sat alone in my house crying because my father was an idiot an my boyfriend decided to ignore me that day even though he wasn’t ignoring me, he had to spend the day with his son, another reason why I cry all day all days, I wish he didn’t affect me but he does and he already did, he affected the way I see and interact with men for the rest of my life and the worst part is that I can’t hate my father even though everything he had done to me.
My father is not the worst dad, he has a lot of failures, but he’s behavior is a whole different level with our mother, he’s disrespectful, manipulative, both psychologically and financially, and I can’t hate him, I have try, I have try to understand that’s he’s wrong, that he shouldn’t do that to her but… I can’t, and that affects the way I see man, I’ll probably ended up like my mother.
My father isn’t the worst father on earth but his an alcoholic and an addict, tomorrow is the celebration of Father’s Day on school, mine, my sister’s, and my baby brother’s, he said he would go, he swear he would, in the afternoon after I get home from school he has lunch made, normal for him sometimes, I ate and left to my room, when I go out his is not there, he decided that going out to drink and others thing with his friends and probably whores, was more important than being sober for his children, and this is not the first time, at start of the year I was running for school president, and before the start of the campaign we had a reunion between the principal, each candidate with their vice president and everyone parents, he showed up drunk, some months ago my 6 year old baby brother asked me “why can’t I have another dad? I want a dad that doesn’t swear” whatever my dad consumes affects him and he affects my baby brother, an innocent child, when I was his age I thought my dad was perfect, that bubble exploded when I was older not at 6 years old