r/daddyissuesclub

I have very faint memories of something happening between us. The problem is that I think these assaults were happening while I was asleep. I really really hope that my mind is just playing tricks on me because I've finally started fixing my bond with my father to hopefully cure my daddy issues in some way.

To start I've been physically and emotionally abused practically my whole life by my father (aside from my mother). I'm sorry of this is too explicit but I really need someone to tell this to. I remember when I was like 5-6 he used to come in the shower with me to help me clean up. He liked towering over me and holding me by the back of my neck. I never really understood why he did that so i'd always joke and tell him I'm not a dog (i thought he put his hand there like a leash) and he answered me "If i want you to be a dog for me, you will. I also remember how he lathered his hands with scented soap and cleaned my private parts until it burned and he used to laugh at me.

I also remember wetting the bed frequently and somehow always when I wake up he was already up. He used to humiliate me for wetting the bed and I think he got off on that. I used to get a lot of urinary infections and i've seen that they could be caused by sexual assault. I had a lot of weird photos and he was very controlling and made me do a lot of things that couples usually do. Like sitting in his lap, kissing him on the lips, eating from the same spoon or even eating spaghetti (I was on one side of the noodle while he was on the other side until our lips touch).

I've never told anyone about this and I'm so scared that people won't take me seriously because my dad has been amazing the past 2 years and I really hope this isn't true. Would love some advice or just validation <3

Since the last two weeks. The only thing I hear my dad say about me is that I’m useless, I’m worthless and that I cannot do anything in life all because I haven’t started earning.

He wants me to earn a certain about of money. Enough to support my mom and enough to take over all his responsibilities so that he could start living his life while I take over his responsibilities for him.

He has created such unrealistic expectations from me and I am not able to work according to those expectations.

All I can think about is how useless I am, that’s all I’ve been hearing. I thought it wasn’t effecting me but I realised that it was. This is taking a toll on me and I literally keep thinking about I haven’t achieved anything in life and now that my father wants me to earn I’m unable to do that.

A part of me knows and completely understands that the expectations my toxic, narcissistic father has put on me I can’t fulfil those. Especially at this time when I’ve never worked a day in my life, where I don’t have any skills.

My mom has a firm belief that I’ll achieve so many good things in life. I look at her and I hate myself because I cannot give her a good life. I’ve failed at that. I’ve failed as a daughter. She thinks I can pull our family out of ruins. That I have the skills and the talent but I just lack confidence and courage but I know that’s a lie. I’ve failed as a daughter.

Almost everyone around me says I’ll achieve big things but my dad believes I’m useless and can’t do anything at all. I don’t know what to believe. My mind makes me believe that my dad is right. Maybe he is. Maybe he isn’t. I don’t know.

So I recently got my test marks for my exams and I had failed math. And when I told my father about it,he started heavily scolding me and saying how I "didn't do anything throuhougt the year","didn't care" (which is completely false) and "would end up sleeping under a bridge". He also didn't like how I was crying and said "Oh NOW you're crying because you're stuck uh?". It broke me. And yes,he might be right on the fact i need to work more,but that doesn't change the fact those are horrible things to tell your daughter. This man single-handedly destroyed my self-esteem and confidence over the years. I feel like he sees me as an accomplishment,a number, rater than a living human being with emotions and feelings,a person,his own daughter...

I am new on here and ready to explore! cum teach me your ways. looking for 35+ males only

i’ve given up on my real dad and genuinely just wanna find a replacment for him

i really want my own daddy and i know that sounds kinky or something but it’s not fair when i see all those daddy daughter things and i just wish i could have that for myself

i wanna talk to him and be spoiled by him and loved and encouraged, i want him to give me advice when i need someone i can depend on and trust

i just don’t have that with my real dad and it breaks my heart

i resorted to older men online but none of them really fulfilled that for me, i guess the offers still on the table but i doubt ill find someone like that

So I have always had daddy issues, but I recently found out I could become a sugar baby and people would buy me new clothes an pay for beauty treatments etc.

I just feel guilty, I know everyone is taught it’s morally wrong - but is it bad honestly?

I have a bit of fun with the guys, but it’s normally to just make them happy and get paid in return.

I just feel like I’m questioning my morals if it’s wrong??

I‘ve had daddy issues for a very long time, I first became really aware of them during my teenage years, but I pushed them down for a long time. I was so afraid of facing this, it felt so wrong, because everyone around me was constantly reminding me how wrong this supposedly is. Now, I met this older man online earlier this year. We‘ve had this sort of spark imediatly, and now have a long distance fwb. I‘ve never in my life have done this before, I‘ve only ever fantasized about it. It feels so strange, because in a way it feels freeing but scary at the same time, because of the shame and stigma atached to this. Even though no one knows about this, and it’s all online, the shame sometimes creeps up on me still. It’s also a bit confusing, because these sexual feelings are sort of being mixed, with also him feeling like a father figure on some level aswell. I suppose this was a bit of a vent, it just feels really complex, I just needed to write it all down, I hope this made sense, and maybe some of you relate. Sorry if this was a bit incoherent, I struggle with my cognition sometimes.

my dad didn’t give me enough love now all i care about is materialistic things, is this normal?

i have a terrible relationship with my dad and now all i want from him is money and other materialistic shit

i don’t even try to initiate conversations and just ask him to send money

i sometimes feel bad and like im selfish and shallow

but my dad proved to me many times he was incapable of being a good father

of course it’s not all that good since he barley sends me any money either but i make do

now all i care about in life is clothes and makeup and i appear very shallow to others

i think if someone wanted to win my heart they’d just have to buy me stuff which sounds very terrible but it’s true

it kind of sounds like im a spoiled brat from this post but honestly im kind of poor and he only sends me money very rarely but i guess i just wanted to get it off my chest how much i crave money and clothes and shopping etc

does this stem from the daddy issues? ive seen a post talking about something similar
trying to fill the hole he left with materialistic things

i cry a lot about clothes and makeup
i only have old clothes from like 5+ years
and the money he gives me is only enough for some drugstore makeup i’ll buy once every few months
but i do dream of one day buying all the clothes and things i want and i spiral thinking about it sometimes
if i see my friends wearing something nice ill feel very jealous and bad

i used to believe in true love now i only wanna marry a man who makes seven figures even if he doesn’t love me
although id still like to earn money myself but it would feel better coming from someone especially a man

even though me and my dad arent very close right now im still get more excited by being around older people. thats confusing

I am in a really bad place, my mental health is in the gutter, my physical health is deteriorating day by day. I'm constantly having thoughts of sh (since I was 14, now i'm almost 22) and I don't know what to do.

My father is an abusive pos (physically, mentally, s**ually), and my mom is a big enabler, she constantly defends him, she stands by his side despite him being wrong.

My sister (24) has begin to adopt his characteristics, and we stopped being close as we used to be and I know for a 100% that my relationship with her will never get fixed.

After this context, my question is to ppl who have been through similar situations and moved out, how did you do it? How old were you? How much did you save up before moving out? Did you tell them you were leaving or no?

I just got a job that will start tomorrow, the pay is about 2500/month and I will try to save up 75% of the payment, because it is only a summer job, and I am still studying so a lot of that money will be going towards school fees and stuff.

But do you guys have any tips on how i can make extra money, i have a degree in English studies (and currently doing a TEFL certificate to be able to teach at schools) and right now i am studying graphic design.

Truly anything that can help, I would appreciate it.

i don’t know how to start this post and i guess it’s just a rant but i’m just sobbing right now and i decided to turn to reddit for some reason?

i’ve always been my daddy’s little girls when i was a kid but when i got older like 12-13 its like a switch flipped and he got very distant

we came back to our home country from the US since my dad couldn’t finish his masters there and i guess that’s where the change started

he leaves the house all day between work and hanging out with his friends

he literally sleeps in the living room and doesn’t touch my mom

i feel guilty for saying this but i never wanna a marry a man like him

he never takes us out or even is seen with us anywhere
during family events we go in separate cars

i’m starting to think my parents are just roommates

i don’t have the perfect relationship with my mom either since she often projects on me but she’s honestly a saint for still being married to him

there’s lots of instances that have made me hate him
i guess my breaking point was cause this week i was begging him to pay for my cheap ass shein clothes order cause all my clothes are like 5 years old and have holes in them

he just keeps ignoring and deflecting like he doesn’t have money or something even though i know he has

i’m only ordering essentials although id like to be like all the pretty girls my age decked out in brands and jewelry

another instance is that we’re muslim and im forced to wear the hijab and he’s just very misogynistic with me, he makes me cover my face even though im not a niqabi

my dad works at a hospital and he had to take me with him to get some blood tests and he would make me walks behind him and left me at the hospital cafe for hours cause he didn’t wanna bring me in his office for all his coworkers to see

he flirts with all his female coworkers who can’t stand him right infront of me
none of them even cover their hair and they wear makeup, things he’d kill me if i did

a couple days ago we got him a cakes for father’s day and he ruined the whole day after seeing the cake he just started criticizing something very random and an argument broke out. the cake ended up being untouched and he left the house like he always does.

but what hurts the most is that he never even talks to me, like at all.

i know nothing about my dad and that really breaks my soul, my friends all share stories and funny moments with their dads and the last time we had a genuine conversation was probably when i was like 8

he doesn’t know anything about me either, and i don’t understand how he’s so okay with that? why don’t you wanna get to know your own daughter? am i not interesting enough for you? he doesn’t know my favorite color or my favorite shows or the games i play or the books i read or my friends or my teachers, literally nothing

when i ask him things or wanna talk he just ignores me and keeps scrolling on his phone on the rare occasion he’s at home

he literally goes to work until 4 pm and gets back to have food and sleep then wake up and leave the house until 2 am

i started feeling uncomfortable around him, like it’s too late and i don’t wanna get to know him anymore
it’s now just a transactional relationship where the only time i talk to him is to ask for money
something he’s even hesitant to provide!
i mean if you won’t give me love atleast money or anything to fill this hole you gave me

i honestly don’t know what to make out all of this
i just feel very pathetic and yes im still sobbing my eyes out typing all of this

i just wish i had a real daddy i just can’t stand seeing daughter with their dads knowing mine is alive but he’d never treat me like that

i keep messaging older men online like that’ll fill the hole but it just makes me feel worse, when i tell them about my dad they just comfort me for a little then ask for nudes or something since they don’t really care and i’m ashamed to say i obliged to one guy on that offer since he kept comforting, i did end up feeling disgusting and blocking him but that doesn’t really excuse what i did

i don’t know what the point of this post is but i guess i just wanna see if others share my situation? or maybe i can get a new dad from here lol?

So my daddy was never really present in my life, he worked mainly so I could go to private school and have whatever I wanted etc.

I cut contact with him a year ago and I’ve noticed since then my sex drive has gone insanely high (sorry tmi) but even sitting opposite an older man on the bus makes me wet I just can’t control my thoughts.

I’ve always fantasised about having a stepdaddy as well, I just have this weird thing about having sex with older men ??

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I've debated posting this for MONTHS.

Not because I'm ashamed.

Because I was scared.

Scared he'd somehow find it, somehow twist it, somehow convince everyone I was the crazy one—like he'd done my entire life.

But I'm done being afraid.

This is my story.

When I was 14, something changed in my father.

Overnight, I went from being "Daddy's little girl" to his biggest disappointment.

I was a bigger kid, and he made sure I never forgot it.

"You're fat."

"Your knees hurt because you're overweight."

"No wonder..."

Every conversation became another opportunity to remind me I wasn't good enough.

I kept telling myself that's just how some dads are.

I was wrong.

By the time I was 16, home felt more like a prison than a house.

One evening I was sitting on my bed talking to one of my best friends. I was crying, telling her how difficult life had become at home.

Without knocking, my bedroom door slammed open.

My father stormed in.

Before I could even stand up, his hand was around my throat.

He ripped my phone away and launched it across the room so hard it shattered against the wall, pieces landing beside my face.

His reason?

"You don't talk about MY house outside of MY house."

For weeks afterward I wasn't allowed to have a phone, go anywhere, or do anything.

Apparently telling the truth was worse than what was actually happening.

Eventually things settled.

That's how abuse works.

Things explode.

Then they become "normal" again.

Until they don't.

A year later he wanted to search my phone.

He found messages from a random guy saying disgusting things about my mother.

I'd defended her.

Blocked him.

Reported him.

That should've made him proud.

Instead...

He reached for his gun.

I still remember staring straight down the barrel.

I remember thinking...

"My own father could kill me."

People always ask why victims don't leave sooner.

Because after moments like that, your brain doesn't think, "This isn't normal."

It thinks,

"How do I survive today?"

There was something else he loved doing.

Showing me off.

Not because he was proud.

Because he saw me as something he owned.

He'd laugh with his friends and say,

"Do this for me and I'll give you my daughter."

"My daughter's up for grabs."

Everyone laughed.

I wanted to disappear.

Then I turned 18.

My parents and I had been on holiday together for almost three weeks.

I was exhausted.

I simply asked if I could go home early and meet them there later.

"No."

I reminded him I was an adult.

His answer?

"You're not 18 to me. I'll do whatever the f** I want."*

We argued.

Then, without warning...

His hands wrapped around my throat.

He lifted me completely off the floor and pinned me against a wall.

I could hear my mother screaming.

Then...

Everything went black.

When I woke up, I ran to my room crying and started packing.

My mom begged me not to leave.

I looked at her and said,

"Mommy... I have to."

Before I could finish packing, he barged into my room.

He grabbed me by my neck again.

Threw me onto the bed.

Started hitting me.

I kicked him away, trying to create enough space to breathe.

One kick.

That's all it took.

He pulled out his gun.

Again.

Pointed it at my face.

Again.

That was the moment I knew if I stayed, one day I wasn't walking out alive.

I called my boyfriend.

He immediately sent his father, who drove over an hour to come get me.

That night I left.

I never lived there again.

About a month later, my father called.

He apologized.

Said he'd changed.

Begged me to come home.

I refused.

Then I opened my banking app one day.

There was a massive amount of money sitting in my account.

The reference simply said:

Trust.

I panicked.

Called the bank.

Turns out the account had been opened in my name when I was a year old.

Legally...

It was my account.

My money.

My father had transferred it himself.

Days later he called me screaming.

Said I'd stolen from him.

Threatened to have me arrested.

He actually sued me.

After lawyers became involved, the truth came out.

The account had always legally belonged to me.

He lost.

I walked away with nothing except the satisfaction of knowing he couldn't control me anymore.

But somehow...

That still wasn't the worst thing he ever did.

My boyfriend used to work for my father's security company.

When we started dating, my father fired him without legitimate grounds.

My boyfriend challenged it.

During the proceedings, my father walked in carrying a folder.

Inside were printed screenshots of conversations between me and my boyfriend.

I was 17 in those messages.

Mixed in with the screenshots...

Were my nude photos.

Private photos I'd sent to my boyfriend.

My father showed them to everyone.

Employees.

Coworkers.

Representatives.

Anyone sitting in that room.

Read that again.

My own father distributed intimate photos of his underage daughter to strangers.

I don't think words exist for the kind of betrayal that causes.

People ask me why I don't speak to my father anymore.

This is why.

Because fathers are supposed to protect their daughters.

Mine was the person I needed protection from.

If you've made it this far...

Thank you.

This isn't everything.

It's not even close.

But after years of being silenced...

This is the first time my voice feels louder than his

I’m 17 and I want the attention of older men and have done for quite a while now sigh

My father is a drug addicted and an alcoholic, he’s really hard working and everything but he still affect the way I interact with men, I wish I could just have a normal relationship with guys my age but I can’t, or even with older men, but not even that I need constant attention, I get in crisis mode if I’m left on read or send for 10 min, I just wish I could be normal instead of craving attention.

I wish my cravings for older men would stop. I am married but have such bad daddy issues. I went no contact with my family of origin in the last 3 or so years which resulted in the rest of the family not talking to me and making my daddy issues worse. My dad is a narcissist and admitted that he intentionally never wanted a close relationship with me.

Now I crave the touch and attention from older men. I find myself wanting to climb in the lap of a very tall and older manly man at work 😕 I feel myself wanting him to want me and I dont know how to stop it 😫

Update: This is not an invitation for old men predators....

For example, I feel super comfortable around my guitar teacher, who's 30 years older than me, but when I'm around girls my age I only think about when our meeting's finished and I get to go back home. I wish I had more older friends I could hang out with, cuz he doesn't have as much time as I wish he had for me ☹️

I had a terrific relationship with my dad. My brother, not so much. They never really got along at all. I was his favourite son. He actually spoke to me and treated me with respect. Until one night when I was 14. Feel free to laugh at this if you guys want 😂 But they were freshly washed grapes on our kitchen bench. However, I didn't want them, instead I took a chocolate yoghurt from the fridge and started eating near the bin. Because it was about to spoon full to finish it. And my dad walked past to go outside. He said "why don't you eat the grapes instead?" Me, being an angsty 14 year old going through puberty. I got angry and told him "because I don't want them." Then I slammed my finished yogurt in the bin. He got angry at me. Ask me why I am getting angry. Then from that night on her never spoke to me again. I'm 20 years old now. And he has lived with me my whole life. So for 6 years I've been emotionally neglected. And all the trauma has caught up to my life here. This shit sucks dude.

How do I cope with needing male physical contact? To clarify my situation, my father is a cold emotionally unavailable angry man and I’ve never felt the safety or affection of a man in my whole life which obviously left a giant hole in my heart. This led me to attention seeking behaviors, which I am not proud of, depression, low self esteem and attachment issues. I am extremely self aware and mature for my age which puts me in a really awkward position, I’m too young to get myself into a relationship with an older guy, which I know is a bad idea with all the power imbalances and risks of grooming. But boys my age aren’t mature enough to understand my situation and needs which are pretty close to age regression but I’m am not into the little space thing. So how do I cope with needing a physical person to comfort me when I am extremely aware of the risks and restrictions? I feel like I’m spinning in this endless circle of pain and I can’t get out. I can’t do therapy because I don’t have the money and my parents don’t know about my situation and self soothing and reparenting doesn’t work either