he called me “ja!lbait”- read explanation at the bottom first
So a while back I texted this guitarist at my church. I literally just found out he’s 40. i’m 17
Honestly, I texted him because I was bored, but also because I’ve always kinda gravitated toward older men. Not in a romantic way or anything. My dad was abusive growing up and even now he acts like he hates my guts, so I think subconsciously I’m always looking for older men who can kinda fill that gap. Like someone who gives advice or just genuinely cares about me. I’ve met plenty who were just good people and good mentors, but I’ve also run into a handful who definitely had bad intentions.
Anyways, this guy (I’ll call him “Guitar”) seemed really quiet and mature. Before any of this, he was SUPER persistent about driving me home after church one day. I thought it was kinda weird but I brushed it off.
One day I texted him because I was thinking about learning guitar, and I had his number from our church choir group chat. He answered my question, then just kinda kept the conversation going. One of the first things he said was, “Didn’t know you’re a teen. You seem older.” I’m assuming he realized because he’d seen me doing something with the youth group.
I’m 17, so I joked that I was only gonna be a teenager for four more months because I’m excited to turn 18.
Then I asked if I should call him “sir” since that’s pretty normal in my culture, and he goes, “Call me Zaddy, Papi.” 😭 Immediate ick. I didn’t even respond. A little later he edited the message and changed it.
Fast forward a few days and I texted him Happy Father’s Day because he has a wife and three kids. We were talking for a little bit and I jokingly asked why he texted so dry—like was it me or was he just old lol. Out of nowhere he calls me “jailbait.”
That genuinely confused me because I hadn’t flirted with him at all. I literally text everyone the same way—memes, emojis, random jokes. Then he says something like, “Once you turn 18 we can talk about whatever’s on your mind.”
At that point I was like… bro, does he think I want him?? Because absolutely not.
After that he started asking me all these personal questions. Like what I desired in life, whether I had a boyfriend, whether I had friends. Then randomly he says not to assume he has bad intentions and that if I wanted to know what he was thinking, I should ask him.
So I asked what he was thinking, and he said to ask him again on my birthday and until then I should “use my discretion.”
Near the end of the conversation he started bringing up legal adulthood and related stuff even though he obviously already knew the answer. I kept trying to dodge the conversation and change the subject, but he eventually answered his own question anyway.
That’s when I stopped responding.
Now I have to see him at church on Sunday and I’m honestly terrified. Looking back, I probably should’ve told him he was making me uncomfortable, but I kinda froze. I was scared, and I didn’t think saying anything would’ve changed the situation.