first wlw break up and graduation please help me im an emotional mess
hiiii, i need to know it will get better.
my former partner and i had been together for around 9 months, making it serious around 3 months in. we are each other’s first wlw relationship, and we have known each other for all of university. she is close with her parents, but in order to pursue our relationship she had to come out to her siblings and her dad, she hasn’t felt comfortable to come out to her mom yet. we’re both graduating today, and both of us are moving very soon. she’s moving back home where she will be living with her parents. because of this circumstance we decided 20 days ago that we would break up, and that the relationship would officially end come graduation. last night, i gave her a graduation gift and she gave me back my clothes she had been holding onto. we had talked, and it was devastating. it was hard this last week seeing that all of our hugs were much deeper and lasted much longer, as we both knew the could be the last.
i love her beyond romantic or platonic love, and i feel so sure of it…which is something i’ve never felt with a man. it feels amazing but it makes moments like this really crushing. i feel for her so much and i wish the world was a kinder place so she wouldn’t have to fight the internal battle muting this part of herself around conservative family or being herself. there was no wrong person in the break up, which makes it really hard to cope with the fact that it’s just the wrong time/circumstance. we agreed on being in each others lives as friends after a couple months, and i know in order for that to work we both have to move past all of the pain and untimeliness of this.
i think i might start studying for the LSAT…i need some sort of passion project to get me through this. or maybe i’ll get back into pottery or dedicate all my time back to bouldering. i’m not really sure. since our conversation 20 days ago, i started therapy again, ive been journaling a lot, and ive been connecting with my friends on a much deeper level. i’m going to miss being near my closest friends who have supported me through so much. i’m going to miss spending time playing games with my former partner and my best friends. i feel love all around me, i really do just yearn for stability which will come with time. it’s hard navigating 3 major life transitions, personally, professionally, and academically, and i wish that i could be more excited to graduate and for the changes that are to come.