u/ConfidenceShort6076

Think of her everyday

It feels so disgusting and creepy and pathetic
she wants nothing to do with me and im the one who cut it off anyway last year
I couldnt handle the on and off, friends ,not friends or something more and my communication skills sucked
always in a grey area after we broke up and before i ended it
I loved her a lot for many years and I still do, Im the one whos still stuck on her
I dont keep up on her life in any way, never looked at any social media or things like that but im sure she hates me and never thinks of it
Sometimes I think she’s the only one I’ve ever loved or will love
I tried talking to other people and stuff but it never feels right and id rather be alone
Knowing we’ll never speak again kills me some days and i won’t reach out because it’s selfish
I never post on these things but I have nowhere else to express it besides my journal
Ive written letters and paragraphs i can never send

reddit.com
u/ConfidenceShort6076 — 7 days ago

(F)

Havent spoken in a bit over a year and before that didn’t talk much cause we broke up and its a blur now. I felt I did the right thing and would only make her unhappy by staying idk…, she offered to be friends after the relationship and thats when I cut it off because we would be in an on/off dynamic like we always were

Her name popped up in my notifications yesterday from something and my heart dropped so bad

Im at this point I miss her very much she was one of my best friends and its my doing that we don’t even speak though it wouldve been painful for me to stay friends with i was in love with

I thought id moved on from it but theres times where it hits me like a truck. I genuinely believe shes the only person I ever actually loved but I can’t bring myself to bother her by messaging her. Feels so pathetic to still be stuck in those moments. I just can’t make my feelings go away takes everything in me not to be a hypocrite and reach out just to hear her voice again and send the most embarrassing message. I cant even say how just genuinely pathetic it feels to think about it like this.

Its driven me to insanity to know she probably doesnt want a conversation with me ever again

reddit.com
u/ConfidenceShort6076 — 25 days ago