u/Confident-Movie4247

So, recently I've been having Sir Hermes pop up in my head a lot, and I then just got into Epic the musical. I love both songs Hermes sings, and I love the separate character they have for him, and I like the God he is now. I am unsure if he is reaching out, because I have started Tarot yes, but that was because I felt the urge and I got it with Lady Hekate spectating almost, nudging me here or there but leaving it to my decision. I also have always wanted to travel the world, and i pride myself in my ability to swipe a pencil case or backpack from my friends without them noticing. I just don't know if what i feel towards him is self inflicted or not. I saw some Loki posts and found it strange he continued popping up, then It changed to thoughts of Hermes, and I want to be sure I'm not being stupid or something, because when I think of him, I feel like the way you dream of having a safe dad almost. Is that wrong? Like am I tweaking out or is this actually a sign that he is fine with me and whatever, or is it my Epic The Musical craze clouding my judgement?

I recently transferred from Christianity to Hellenic worship, and I have had this dreadful feeling every time I think about the transition. The Christian God has helped me a lot and I grew close, and i felt happy, but my values were not lined with the Christian values. I was drawn to nature and Paganism, and through exploring I found Hellenic worship. I have had a love for Greek Mythology since I was young and it felt right so I looked into it. I first went to Lady Nyx to worship as I have always felt a deep connection with her, but later on I moved to others, and I eventually ended up worshipping Lady Hekate the most. I feel bad. I still honor the others of course, but I'm closer to Lady Hekate than most other Gods. Is that bad that I am closer to Lady Hekate then devoting my time to Lady Nyx instead? She has helped me before, but during a hard time Lady Hekate was the one i reached out towards, and this guilt has been hiding behind my thoughts every time I pray.

While I go to sleep, the things Christians and Catholics post on Pagan videos rotate through my head like "God/Jesus forgives you, you will go to hell" etc. I have had several breakdowns where I feel like I betrayed the Christian God and that I will crawl back on hands and knees begging for forgiveness once I die. I feel the Greek Gods, but I have this doubt whispering to me every time I think, and it has like ruined me basically. It mostly goes back to when I was young and asked the Chistian God if the other Gods like Egyptian etc were real. I felt a no, it was one God. I was fine with that until I grew older and just couldn't believe that there is a single God in the whole universe. That shortly led to my switch. I feel like I have severely sinned and that something is wrong with me.

Does anyone else feel this way? is this normal?

(Also, I am not saying Christianity or Catholic practices are bad, I'm just struggling with the things I have been taught when younger. I still fully respect all religions)