u/Confident-Parsley520

Okay, yay loving this stupid stage of stupid life.

Very quick, I’ve started HRT a few months ago, estrogel and slinda, worked amazing for two months then anxiety, not sleeping and night sweats returned, I did the panic post on here about that .

I increased my estrogel up to three pumps a day, sleeping, improved, night sweats and anxiety greatly diminished.

Now ? I’m a cryer. I’ve never been a cryer, never!! Or maybe annoyingly when I’m really angry but that’s about it.

I’ve increased my estrogel for about two weeks now, and all I ever do is cry, yesterday I cried because I didn’t get to my toast quickly enough and it was cold so when I added butter it wasn’t the ooozie goodness I wanted. TF!!

In the past 3 days I have cried at work several times, I was in a meeting (luckily teams) and I had to turn my camera off because I was just randomly crying, nothing was happening in that meeting.

I think I can genuinely say that one other human has ever in my adult life seen me cry, I just don’t usually. Now? I’m crying as I write this.

Not just tears that I can pull myself together and stop, it’s that gut wrenching absolute despair that you feel in your gut when something horrific has happened.

At the moment, I’m a lunatic. I’ve always been very controlled in my emotions but I can’t control this and it’s mortifying.

Please tell me this will settle down ! The extra oestrogen has really worked wonders for everything else and I don’t want to reduce it again, but emotionally I’m a mess and it’s so embarrassing.

So weirdly, about a year ago I was talking to a colleague who was well into menopause, this was when my very first peri symptoms were emerging ( anxiety, headaches and body oain) which I had no idea that I was in perimenopause.

She told me how her libido had completely disappeared and she no longer had any interest in men or sex.

I’ve always had a high sex drive and honestly found sex the only useful thing that men could offer.

At the time I said to her ‘oh god I hope that dosent happen to me’ and she explained it as a gift.

Now I’m fully in perimenopause and recently started HRT which has changed my life from a living hell to neck to my old self, the thing that is completely gone is any sex drive.

The idea of being intimate with a man makes me feel gross.

I have always been commitment phobic, but I liked to consider myself ‘sexually liberated’ and generally had a little something on the side, just to fulfil that need. Sex has been a big part of my life.

Now ? I can’t even stomach the thought of having sex, I have an old ‘ friend’ reaching out recently, The guy used to make my toes curl, and the chemistry was always electric. Now? Absolutely nothing, zero interest at all.

And now I find myself agreeing with my colleague , this is such a blessing, I genuinely don’t care if I never have sex again for the rest of my life and certainly will not be seeking out.

I don’t know what I’m saying really, I’m just reflecting on how differently your brain works in different situations, are used to think it would be a tragedy if I lost my sex drive and now I see it as a gift.

That being said, I’m single so I can make these decisions, I couldn’t imagine the struggles of someone who is in a committed relationship, previously high libido and overnight it’s gone! Whereas my gift, is someone’s disaster.

Anyway, I was just thinking of the dramatic change and how interesting it is, how devastating it could be under different circumstances.

I also wonder how many women choose to divorce their husbands due to peri and how this causes them ( some of course) to have a complete 360 view of their partner.

I should’ve known it with too good to be true , it took me eight months and six doctors to finally get prescribed HRT.

Within a week, I was sleeping, like sleeping all night, my night sweats were completely gone, hot flashes, oh my God and the anxiety gone, morning pain, gone. Getting up to P 10 times a night, over! It happened quick, within two weeks, my whole life had completely changed. I was motivated, brain fog starting to disappear., all my symptoms were gone! It was a miracle and that lasted for about 3 months.

The last couple of weeks, the anxiety started to kick in again , I was making stupid mistakes at work , my doctor put me up to 3 pumps of estrogel, brilliant! However, you could tell she was generally disinterested, So I don’t have much hope of any further interest. Should what I think is happening, does actually happen.

The Previous night, I had horrific night sweats And I thought maybe its a once off. But I’ll admit I was pretty scared.

Last night, I had night sweats again , and had that horrible restless sleep waking every two hours, I gave up at 4 am and cried for about half an hour. That’s two nights in a row., I’m terrified to go to bed tonight, because if that happens again, I know this is my life again!

I haven’t had night sweats for three months and have slept all throught the night for about the same, a miracle.

I can’t go back, like I genuinely can’t go back.

It was a miracle for about three months , I could see myself again and wasn’t just surviving every day. I’m absolutely terrified. I can’t do this again.

There’s no point to this post, but I can’t do this again, not after knowing what life is like.

THANK YOU EVERYONE !!! you have definitely calmed my panic a little bit! I will start a diary of symptoms again, and try another provider from the specialist. Dr. Shopping again 😀 and I’ll keep trying until I get it right.

It is so comforting to hear that this is fixable more likely than not and I’m not going to revert back completely. I couldn’t imagine doing this with a partner, all the responsibilities of children that other women have!

They really need to talk more about this , I had no idea!

Okay so same company but moving from 9-5 to shift work, nights, weekends etc. so naturally got sent a new contact.

Everything is pretty standard however under the section hours of work, it has the standard addition around shift work and penalties but but on my contract ( I’m a team lead) it has the addition of ‘You acknowledge that your

salary and entitlements compensate you for being expected to read and respond to communications from ‘employer’ outside of your normal working hours’

What do think this actually means ? And how does this conflict with ‘right to disconnect’ ?