AITA for not reshaping my interests after my sister came out as trans, even though now it is putting our mom in a difficult situation?
Around 9 months ago my sister came out as trans, now fast-forward let's say 6 or so months ago I noticed my sister started to become more distant, things we use to do we no longer. Play D&D, work on gunpla or our warhammer armies, hit up the Lego store, play videos games etcetera.
I have reached out but everytime she tells me she is busy or the conversation is very brief and it akin to pulling teeth. I pretty much matched her energy from that point on. Was recently with my mom, was helping her put some IKEA stuff together, and my mom straight up asked me why I refuse to make my sister comfortable?
I was taken aback by the statement, and asked what she met? She told me my sister told her she was not comfortable around me anymore and was disappointed that I low-key ignoring her existence, paraphrasing. I explained everything I have tried to do these last six months and that she was the one that has become distant. I told mom I would talk with her and try to see what is going on.
I kind of just showed up at my sister's place Monday, and told her we need to talk. I asked her why did she tell mom she was uncomfortable around me, I told her mom is freaking out she is afraid she is going to have to choose between us. My sisyer told me she feels uncomfortable because it has been 9 months and I still have my Harry Potter books and merchandise, and two months after she told us she was Trans I went to Universal with and posted pictures with me at Diagon Alley, and spent money on more merchandise.
I told her Harry Potter is always going to he a huge part of my life, literally met my fiancée waiting in line for Hagrid’s ride. Not going to hide that part of me, or tell my fiancée we can no longer engage or celebrate the interest that got us together.
My sister still said it makes her uncomfortable, I asked if she is afraid I was going to hurt or harm her. I told her I don't share JKR views, told her I always thought she was crazy and weird. I even acknowledged the books are not master pieces and are full of problematic concepts but I also acknowledge that it is a world I greatly enjoy and helped me get through some rough times when I was a kid.
She told me she is not afraid I would harm her, but it does hurt her to see that I value my interests over her existence. She knew it would be hard for me to put that part of me aside but she said after 9 months she figured I would get the hint, and throw all that stuff out. I asked does she expect everyone who was a fan to stop being a fan cause of the authors views, she said no but then told me she expects her family to do it for her though.
The conversation started to become cyclical, I asked if this was something we could work on or is this going to be a hard line. She told me for the sake of herself and her partner it was a hardline and something I need to consider if I want to be a part of her life going forward. When I brought up our mom she said mom will not have to choose, we can share mom but understand she may not partake in holidays or gatherings if her partner is uncomfortable being around those that support bigots.
For added clarity my sister went from M to F. I do not want to cut my sister out of my life, but I also know especially to my partner HP does mean a lot to us, we probably never would have met if it was not HP. I understand buying merchandise at universal is far from ideal, posting pictures of us at Universal, or seeing the cursed child. Sure maybe it is immature of us to be into HP as adults but I think my sister is being slightly unfair especially towards our mom. While I feel she I am putting her in an impossible position, I think she is putting mom in an rough spot and this can divide our family. I briefly spoke about this with my fiancée and she is also on the fence. We met waiting in line for a HP ride, and it has become a tradition to go to universal every year where we met. It was purely random, and she does not feel we should have to give that up.
I am willing to compromise and not buy new merchandise but I don't think that is enough for my sister. I Know our mom is going to take this hard and she probably will tell me just to throw it all away, family is more important end of the story and as family we have a responsibility to put the wants and needs of family first.
I get she does not want to see us divided.