Where do I go from here?
I’m 41 (42 in September) and just had my 5th failed transfer after 9 years TTC and 4 years of fertility treatments & IVF. I honestly feel completely lost right now because, after past failures, I’ve always had something else to pivot to or investigate.
History:
- IUIs
- never once had a positive beta
Last fall, after a particularly bad ER cycle, I took a few months off to lose weight (had success with Zepbound), lower my A1c, and also did 2 months of Lupron Depot after a positive Receptiva test (which I had to push my doctor to order/do).
What’s really messing with me emotionally is that before this latest transfer, I specifically asked my RE if we should investigate uterine factors more deeply first, and he still strongly pushed moving forward with transfer. He originally even wanted to transfer 4 embryos, but I only agreed to 3. He kept saying we “just haven’t found the right embryo yet.”
Now after another failure, suddenly the conversation from his end is:
- maybe endo/uterine issues
- lose more weight
- pause and reassess
He also said he doesn’t want to do more ERs or transfers “right now,” and I honestly left the conversation feeling confused and blindsided.
I genuinely don’t know:
- if this is primarily embryo quality/age
- if there’s something implantation-related being missed
- if I should try more retrievals
- if there are experimental things worth trying
- or if I’m just emotionally torturing myself continuing with my own eggs at this point and I should just
pivot to donor eggs
I’m exhausted. Financially drained. Emotionally burnt out. And honestly scared that I’m running out of time while also being terrified to let go of the possibility of a genetic child.
This is my second clinic and this doctor is very highly regarded, but lately I feel more like a number than an individualized case.
I truly don’t know where to turn next and would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar place during their journey.
(edited for clarity)