Started dating a Jaat girl. Need some advice.
Hi people of haryana, i 21(M) have recently started dating 20(F) who is a jaat from jhajjar. We have bonded over our shared love for mangas, kdramas and books and I am completely smitten with her but i feel she genuinely have some issues and I would like your insights on how to navigate them.
1st) She's a tad bit castiest
- she is very soft spoken in general, but the quips or words she speaks about people from gujjar community or lower castes sometimes resemble not a 20 year young person, but some old castiest aunty
2nd) Lack of communication
- I am a very firm believer in open communication but my girl, she shuts up like a clam and doesn't let me in. I can it visibly on her face and feel the general vibe change. But she's not ready to talk to me about what's happening or what's affecting her. She purposely stays aloof or vague and that irks me.
3rd) Doesn't let me pamper her
- she never lets me pay fully while on dates, even the transport cost or random miscellaneous stuff has to be split in two parts. She lives a little far from me, so whenever she's suffering from her periods, I send some money to her roomate(since quick delivery app doesn't work in her area) to buy some chocolates/snacks/ice cream to show my appreciation and care , not anything extravagent( between 250-300) and she has always sent me the money back.
4th) Lack of respect for boundaries or going back in her words
- I have told her that I cannot always pick up her calls or be available so if she's free or just want to call up. She can call me once to see if I am free as well, and call me twice if it's anything important and urgent. That way I know if it is appropriate to pick up in the context of current situation i would be in.
.But she regularly calls me twice for absolutely no reason and doesn't understand how muchever I try to make her understand.
- even when we were seeing each other I very strictly told her that I eat nonveg, drink(once every 2-3 months), smoke some weed( once ever 3-4 months) and that's how it's gonna be for the whole of my life. We can date only if she's okay with this. She agreed that time but now whenever I do anything out of these( except eating nonveg), her mood changes and she's irritated and angry at me.
5th) she's sometimes a little scary.
- last time she was in my room, we were play fighting on my bed like average couples do. I feel i went a bit far but I was light in my approach when i held her wrists together with my one hand and started tickling her with the other , instead of voicing her concerns she Kneed me in the stomach very hard and when I rolled over. She sat on my stomach and choked me with both her hands. My girl is 5'9 while I am 6'1 but I have never been more scared in my life than when she looked me in the eyes while choking me. It genuinely looked like she could have killed me.
- when she came to her senses she profusely apologised and said that whatever I did brought out her reflex actions from what her brother and her did during their childhood years. But I was genuinely stunned.
I really do like this girl, and day by day i feel like I am falling more and more in love with her and I would like to pursue this as something more concrete and permanent but how do I handle these problems without letting them affect my mind much. Is this a girl specific issue or is your average jaat girl like this only due to their rough and tough childhood and emotionally unavailable parents.
TL:DR- OP is dating a jaat girl, who has some visible problems( read the heading of each mentioned problem) and OP needs advice from other people on how to handle it.