r/Haryana

Agar ye log itne hi samajhdaar hain toh ye apne waha kyu nahi karlete kaam

Hi people of haryana, i 21(M) have recently started dating 20(F) who is a jaat from jhajjar. We have bonded over our shared love for mangas, kdramas and books and I am completely smitten with her but i feel she genuinely have some issues and I would like your insights on how to navigate them.

1st) She's a tad bit castiest

- she is very soft spoken in general, but the quips or words she speaks about people from gujjar community or lower castes sometimes resemble not a 20 year young person, but some old castiest aunty

2nd) Lack of communication

- I am a very firm believer in open communication but my girl, she shuts up like a clam and doesn't let me in. I can it visibly on her face and feel the general vibe change. But she's not ready to talk to me about what's happening or what's affecting her. She purposely stays aloof or vague and that irks me.

3rd) Doesn't let me pamper her

- she never lets me pay fully while on dates, even the transport cost or random miscellaneous stuff has to be split in two parts. She lives a little far from me, so whenever she's suffering from her periods, I send some money to her roomate(since quick delivery app doesn't work in her area) to buy some chocolates/snacks/ice cream to show my appreciation and care , not anything extravagent( between 250-300) and she has always sent me the money back.

4th) Lack of respect for boundaries or going back in her words

- I have told her that I cannot always pick up her calls or be available so if she's free or just want to call up. She can call me once to see if I am free as well, and call me twice if it's anything important and urgent. That way I know if it is appropriate to pick up in the context of current situation i would be in.

.But she regularly calls me twice for absolutely no reason and doesn't understand how muchever I try to make her understand.

- even when we were seeing each other I very strictly told her that I eat nonveg, drink(once every 2-3 months), smoke some weed( once ever 3-4 months) and that's how it's gonna be for the whole of my life. We can date only if she's okay with this. She agreed that time but now whenever I do anything out of these( except eating nonveg), her mood changes and she's irritated and angry at me.

5th) she's sometimes a little scary.

- last time she was in my room, we were play fighting on my bed like average couples do. I feel i went a bit far but I was light in my approach when i held her wrists together with my one hand and started tickling her with the other , instead of voicing her concerns she Kneed me in the stomach very hard and when I rolled over. She sat on my stomach and choked me with both her hands. My girl is 5'9 while I am 6'1 but I have never been more scared in my life than when she looked me in the eyes while choking me. It genuinely looked like she could have killed me.

- when she came to her senses she profusely apologised and said that whatever I did brought out her reflex actions from what her brother and her did during their childhood years. But I was genuinely stunned.

I really do like this girl, and day by day i feel like I am falling more and more in love with her and I would like to pursue this as something more concrete and permanent but how do I handle these problems without letting them affect my mind much. Is this a girl specific issue or is your average jaat girl like this only due to their rough and tough childhood and emotionally unavailable parents.

TL:DR- OP is dating a jaat girl, who has some visible problems( read the heading of each mentioned problem) and OP needs advice from other people on how to handle it.

I don't know how this will be perceived, but I need to let this out. It's my first time talking about this publicly.

I'm from Haryana and I belong to the Jat community. My father is a government teacher. He's genuinely one of the nicest people I know—he has sponsored the education of students, helped people whenever they needed him, and is the kind of person everyone in our small town knew and respected. 

I was never taught to hate anyone because of caste. Honestly, as a child, I barely even understood what caste was.

Then the 2014 Jat reservation agitation happened.

[My family had absolutely no role in the violence, and we are against violence of any kind.] 

I remember going to a park as a little kid (just 8 )when an older boy—someone whose mother was my father's colleague—shouted, "TERRORIST AA GAYE "

I froze.

I was a child. I heard the word terrorist and genuinely got scared. I ran home crying because I didn't understand why someone was calling me that. People stopped interacting with us. Shopkeepers denied us groceries . We stopped stepping out of our house .We received anti-Jat posts on WhatsApp. Time flew ,later, in coaching, someone shouted in front of the entire class, "ye toh jaat hain , ye toh criminal hain".  I  just laughed bcs i have become tired defending myself ...

I've been called dumb, criminal, and worse simply because I'm a Jat. We have been denied house on rent just because we are jats .

And recently I joined Reddit, where I've seen people talk about ending caste discrimination—and then go into the comments and casually abuse Jats as a whole .Stop this hypocrisy . You can disagree with the Jat reservation movement. You can condemn violence. You can criticize political decisions. I have no problem .

Sometimes it feels like when Jats win medals, serve in the armed forces, or contribute positively to the country, we're simply "Indians." But when a tiny fraction of people do something wrong, suddenly we're all "Jats" and the stereotype gets applied to everyone.

And this isn't just something I've seen online. I've heard people make assumptions about me before even knowing me. 

Caste discrimination is wrong—even when the target is a community you don't personally like. stop this shi!ttt

I don't want sympathy. I just wanted to say this somewhere because I've carried it for years, and I think I'm finally ready to let it go.  TOOK HELP OF CHAT GPT TO PROPERLY WENT OUT MY EMOTIONS 

People here are very jealous for no reason. Even ghar kunbe ke log are not happy to see you succeed.

Idk why people glorify it. They just go to Village to make reel but they can't spend 10 days there. Same for farming reels

share what you think

In my language we wish it as ಸ್ವತಂತ್ರ ದಿನತ ಎಡ್ಡೆಪುಲು/സ്വതംത്ര ദിനത എഡ്ഡെപുലു (svataṅtra dinata eḍḍepulu)

Day before yesterday, my friend and I were coming back from Dehradun. His grandfather has a tradition of taking a holy bath in the Ganga in Haridwar, so we had gone there together.

While we were returning, his grandfather got motion sickness. We stopped the car on the side of the road, and he started vomiting. I immediately rushed back to the car to get some water bottles.

At that moment, another car stopped. Around 4–5 guys got out and started yelling at my friend, who was standing beside his grandfather.

They said Yeh road ko kyun ganda kar rahe ho

My friend explained that his grandfather suffering from motion sickness, but they replied in a very rude tone:

Toh yahan kyun aate ho? Apni jagah raho na. yahan kyun ganda kar rahe ho

My friend lost his temper and started arguing with them. Before the situation could escalate, I stepped in and tried to explain that his grandfather was an old man and that it was an unfortunate situation. I even said that next time we would carry a plastic bag or something similar in case this happened again.

But instead of understanding, they started abusing his grandfather. They said things like, Gand mein laat maaro na iske bhayankar, theek ho jayega.

My friend immediately rushed towards them, but I stopped him because there were five of them and only two of us. I kept saying, Sorry, sorry, trying to calm the situation down, and eventually they left.

I couldn't record anything or take a picture of their car or number plate. There was no time for that.

Afterwards, we got back in the car and started heading home. On the way, I noticed that his grandfather was crying.

That completely broke my heart.

He is one of the strongest people I know emotionally. I asked him what happened, and he said:

Shareer kamzor hoya toh ke hoya, mera kaalja konya ghatya tha. Bas bura iss baat ka laagya aaj maanas hi maansaan ne khaane ne katya tha.

He is genuinely one of the most innocent souls I have known. I have known him since childhood, and I have never seen him do anything bad to anyone.

Seeing him cry after being treated like that completely broke me from the inside.

Now I really hate UK peoples they have become super rasict soon they also understand the cost of all their doing