My girlfriend can’t stop with the RJ
We have been together for 6 months. Long distance but at times we are together for weeks at a time or like this summer she will be with me for a few months. She is pre med and about to start her journey after graduating her 4 years with a phycology major 2 weeks ago. Granted she is feeling a bit overwhelmed with the new change of pace and having lots of free time and not a set schedule.
We are madly in love. We both see an amazing future together. We do little camping trips together. Evening walks. Grocery store runs. Lots of amazing sex. Cuddles. Spend lots of quality time together. The relationship is almost as if it’s out of a movie. And we are out of that honeymoon/surface level phase. She treats me amazing and I feel that I treat her just as good. We both reassure each other how much we love each other and how excited we are about our future together. Our communication is amazing and we respect each other very deeply.
Now the part that sucks. Definitely not the end for me and I want to support and help her as much as I possibly can. She always mentioned she was never the jealous type and showed that many times. But the last month she figured out who my ex was. Granted iv been married before and the ex wife is not the issue. It’s the past gf that lied and cheated on me for 2 years. She mentions how pretty she is and how I got along with her dad so well. (She’s terrified for me to meet her parents) My ex looks pretty and confident on the surface level - especially on social media. But in reality she is a very insecure mean person. We both (my gf and myself) don’t do social media. This has been going on for about 3 weeks now. She gets literal pits in her stomach. She shuts down completely and feels horrible for ruining the mood or the general time we are together like a fun activity. I feel like I’m constantly having to bit my tongue. For instance yesterday I mentioned my brother got married a few years ago so I know her instant thought was “oh your ex was there” she didn’t say that but did ask who was my date. I feel selfish for even thinking that’s what she is thinking but I have figured out small tiny triggers. I do feel a little less of myself that I was with the person. I feel disgusting that I let a relationship of 2 years go on for someone that I despise so much and how it’s effecting the person I love.
Yes we have only been 6 months but she is my best friend and someone who has shown me what true love is. Feelings iv never felt even towards my past marriage. She is so excepting, so kind, unique and deserving person. She is not a girl that wears lots of makeup because she has true natural beauty. I feel that she compares her self to this ex of mine that looks like a Barbie doll (literally) and that herself is not feminine enough. Shes an amazingly tough girl that has done jobs that most men would never hang to do. But she is the most beautiful and petite cute unsuspecting girl you’d ever meet.
I’m not here to rant how this effecting us. The words and descriptions iv shared are more to give backstory and substance to the question.
Question - what can I do to help? How can I help put an end to this? I want us to be present with on another and let us be us. I’m not the best with my words of reassurance but I’m trying. I’m not blaming her feelings or ever try to guilt her. I did that once out of frustration saying “maybe get rid of me and you won’t have these feelings anymore” and I let her know later that, that was the most cowardly thing I have ever thought or said to her and apologized. But I do get frustrated with this at times to. But she has shown she wants to really work at it and I feel that we are a team and I can be better at things also. Any advice would greatly be appreciated.