Was my ex sexually coercive? (17m/18m, TW of course)
I (17m) recently broke up with my boyfriend (18m) for a number of reasons. I basically realized he was very toxic and would accuse me of cheating with no basis, prevent me from talking to friends about the relationship, be passive aggressive and guilt trip me, and used self harm to "make me care" about him during arguments.
I've been wondering also if he was sexually coercive in some way. I can't really point to any time I felt what I did wasn't consensual, but I remember sometimes feeling like I wanted to cry afterwards.
If I said no too many times in a row (we saw eachother around once a week and he would ask at least once at night and once in the morning, often more) he would get upset. He would sometimes start crying, go cold on me, ask "do you not like me?", tell me he felt disgusting etc. He would also keep asking, so for example if I said no right to him right when we got home in the evening, he'd ask again that night if I was sure, again in the morning, again before I left at noon, getting progressively more upset each time.
Eventually I started to feel anxious because I knew he would get upset and insecure if I refused him, and it would ruin our time together. I didn't always like the sex or feel in the mood, but it just wasn't worth it to tell him I was uncomfortable because the fallout I'd have to deal with would be worse.
There were also other things he wanted me to do like call him "good boy" or choke him that I repeatedly told him I didn't want to do because they made me uncomfortable and he kept trying to convince me/pressure me to do (saying "oh come on just do it" or "now i feel like a degenerate for asking").
He told me once that he felt like sex was an emotional need, he also mentioned it made him feel insecure in our exclusivity to eachother if we went too long without having sex. He would also get extremely upset if he felt like I was forcing myself though, and would start crying over that too.
Is this enough to call it coercion? (and beyond that, is it fair to say he was abusive?) He was well intentioned but just not able to contain his disappointment/insecurity over me not wanting to have sex with him.