She arrived safely
Hi everyone
I suppose I’m writing this to kind of vocalise some thoughts.
Last year we tragically lost our second born. A baby boy lost at 40 weeks. No signs other than sudden reduced movements. We went in and no heart beat. I delivered him that evening via c section. We never got any answers as to why he died. His birth was my second c section. My firstborn, my daughter was born 2 and a half years before we lost him. To say his death destroyed me is an understatement. He looked perfect at 9lb. After the initial shock I was then desperate to fill my empty arms. Long story short, we got pregnant 6 months after the loss of my son. We had a chemical pregnancy between his loss and the pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful second daughter, my third baby. Pregnancy after loss was truly the hardest thing I’ve been through (after losing my son). I would say I was not sane. I was undergoing EDMR therapy for severe PTSD. However, finally taking my darling daughter home was a healing experience. It didn’t fully heal my broken heart but helped me see happiness again. And I want to tell those of you that are pregnant after loss that it is so worth it when the baby arrives. The constant worry, stress and anxiety is 1 million percent worth it.
I have two beautiful daughters and am so thankful. I do still yearn for my boy. I also feel like a mother of 3 but only have two earth side.
I suppose my question is… has anyone been in my position, not long given birth and yearn for another baby already? I want more. I don’t know if it’s safe though. I’ve now had 3 c sections. 2 of those only 14 months apart. Has anyone here had more than 3 c sections? My surgeon said it all looked good in there when I was opened up last month. I don’t think I’m thinking rationally and maybe I’m chasing the ghost of my son. Or maybe knowing my body may not be able to cope with it makes me want what I can’t have.