r/pregnancyaftersb

Hello All,

Sorry, long post alert!

I suffered a fetal demise around a month ago. I was 24 weeks pregnant, and during a routine prenatal checkup, no fetal heartbeat could be found. Up until then, all of my lab results and ultrasound reports had been normal.

Based on my hospital's pathology report and my blood tests/genetic tests, my OB-GYN mentioned several possible contributing factors, including:

1 shorter-than-normal umbilical cord (30 cm) and likely cord compression.
2. Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. I tested positive for beta 2 glycoprotein from blood tests done the day after the vaginal delivery. It was slightly above the normal range (33 instead of <=20) but other 2 tests were normal. However, my OB-GYN said I need to repeat the test after 12 weeks to confirm, so I will do the test again early October.
3. Smaller Placenta. My OB-GYN suspects that the baby may have passed away at around 20/21 weeks since my 20 weeks ultrasound looked normal (the baby was weighing normally). However, post-delivery both the baby and the placenta were smaller. According to the doctor, if the baby had indeed passed away at ~20/21 weeks and delivered at ~24weeks, that delay may have caused decomposition and the placenta to be smaller (although this is only a suspicion and not any confirmed diagnosis).

I had sent my placenta slides to Dr. Kilman at Yale for a 2nd opinion on placental pathology. His main diagnosis was that: "Placenta was extremely small weighing less than the 0.01% ile for gestational age which led to the fetal demise. Trophoblast inclusions (1.8+/-2.5, n=5 out of 7 slides) were detected that suggest a genetic/developmental abnormality and likely caused the smaller placenta. No evidence of maternal immunologic rejection or decreased maternal perfusion of the placenta."
 
Both my husband and I have done genetic testing (Horizon 27 panel by Natera), NIPT tests (Panaroma by Natera) during pregnancy and there was a Genome microarray test done post-delivery as well. All test results were normal except I was a silent carrier of alpha thalassemia, but my husband was not. All these results made me a bit confused about the "genetic anomaly" diagnosis.
 
I want to start TTC again. I will discuss these reports with my OB-GYN and I have an MFM pre-conception consultation scheduled in 2 weeks. However, I wanted to ask a few questions here as well in case someone has gone through a similar experience and give me some advice on what the next steps maybe (I am very nervous to TTC):

(1) Should I ask my OB/MFM for an Expanded Carrier Screening (500+ carrier screening)?

(2) Should I ask my OB/MFM for a prenatal Karyotype screening?

(3) Should I consider IVF or wait for the above mentioned test results first?

(4) Can smaller placenta or small umbilical cord happen again? Is there any way to prevent this?

(5) Is there any way to know whether the small placenta happened due to genetic anomaly or due to the baby dying much earlier in the womb and placenta shrinking due to that?

(6) APS is another suspicion that the doctors have. If the 2nd APS test comes out normal, should I still go through the baby aspirirn and heparin (lovanox) injection? I heard that if I don't have APS and take aspirin/lovanox, it may lead to excessive bleeding. Will that be harmful to the pregnancy?

(7) I reached out to Dr. Parast from UCSD as well. She said I might need to send her a request through my doctor for her to do placental slide review. I will ask my doctors about that but if they don't agree, do you think I should ask Dr. Parast for only a consultation with the existing reports without the placental slide review? (Has anyone done this before?)

(8) I am of advanced maternal age (35 now, was 34 during pregnancy), could this have contributed to the genetic anomaly?

(9) Any other advice for me?

Finally, if anyone can give me some reassurance that even with APS or smaller placenta or any chromosomal disorder (especially someone who is 35 or older since I just turned 35), you were able to successfully have a rainbow baby later, I'd really appreciate it! This was my first pregnancy and I am so scared to try again :(

So I’m 28weeks pregnant with my baby boy after losing my daughter July last year at almost 40 weeks

Most of the pregnancy I’ve been okay, just a little nervous. Since I’ve been feeling movements it’s been going downhill.

He started off very active when I first started feeling him around 17 weeks to the point where scans took longer because he wouldn’t stay still.

Now I’m at the point where I need to monitor the movements, I have an anterior placenta and I’m told sometimes he may get into positions that I won’t notice as much.

I’ve been to triage once because he wasn’t responding to any encouragement to move and I honestly thought he had died. He was fine but I wasn’t. Last time I was in triage for no movement it’s because my first baby had died.

Now I’m constantly worried he’s not moving as much and it’s a battle in my head of (I’m overreacting) and (what if he is in trouble and I don’t act)

To top it off, today I convinced myself that my bump is getting smaller

I am going to speak to the midwife tomorrow about arranging my scans and midwife checkups for every two weeks and alternating until I get induced.

I don’t like that keeping an eye on baby is my sole responsibility and if I miss something then I’ll feel like I’ve failed

People keep telling me to have faith that it will be okay. But faith and fear are both believing something you can’t see. And when your worst fear has already happened it’s harder to believe it won’t happen again

Sorry to be a downer, it’s hard to talk to people about this because they don’t understand

I hope everyone is okay and I’m proud of anyone who goes through pregnancy after loss because it’s so hard

I welcomed my 2nd baby boy at 37 weeks, just over 4 years after I lost his big brother at 34 weeks.

After a 37 hour induction baby boy came out screaming. My little IUGR baby: 5lbs 2oz, very tiny but oh so mighty.

We had a few scary moments, ✨someone✨ (not saying any names😅) was doing jump rope with his umbilical cord resulting in some variable decels, but the L&D team monitored him constantly and assured me that if the situation became emergent then they wouldn’t hesitate to act. I pushed ONE time and he was here!

Now, we’re just waiting for him to be able to eat the minimum amount of food so we can take him home!

Nonetheless, I don’t regret a single anxiety med, therapy appointment, OB appointment or MFM appointment, he was more than worth everything that I went thru. My God, hearing that first cry is a feeling I cannot even begin to describe😭

Thank you to each one of you for the advice, the words of encouragement and the numerous prayers, they got me thru the hardest days of my life. I can only hope that each and every parent in this group will be blessed with their sweet rainbow baby🧸🌈

Hi everyone 👋 I’m 27w5d w my double 🌈 girl after losing my baby Fiona at 40w4d in April 2025. I spent some time here and r/stillbirth support after losing her, and was so grateful to meet a community who understood how I felt then, and every day since.

That said, after a little while I had to step away. It sometimes felt like exposing myself over and over and it hurt too much. That trend applied to many aspects of life in general in the year that followed, I turned off social media, turned inward, and really tightened the strings on my inner circle. During that time I had a miscarriage, as well as surgery to remove uterine fibroids, before finally being able to try again.

I am so happy to be expecting my second daughter this Fall, but the anxiety I have felt recently is unmatched. At first I thought I would like a Doppler and my OB was in support. He offered to teach me to use it accurately to ensure I would be able to detect a heartbeat. I considered it strongly but ultimately thought to myself-I am capable of growing and carrying this baby. I did it before and if there is anything I get to create through this journey it is trust and resilience. I figured I could always come back to the option, and still haven’t gotten one. This was before she started moving, when I thought that was *peak* anxiety. Turns out…it wasn’t.

Since she started moving, I am so freaking filled with anxiety whenever she is not actively moving or I haven’t felt her for a while. I tell myself she is fine. Sweet thing is sleeping and growing! But the absolute battle in my mind of the possibility that she is not…it’s rough.

My husband has been so kind and supportive to help me through these moments but I decided it is finally time to seek help again. I met today w a perinatal LCSW who recommended I try EMDR. I am open to it, and wondered if anyone here had tried it, or what types of support/mantras etc. helped you make it through.

I know for most of us the loss we experienced is probably the hardest thing we’ve ever faced, and it feels like making it through another full term pregnancy is the runner-up.

Appreciate all of you here and the journeys we are on.

Lots of love!
Holly

I’m filled with so many emotions as I hold my son’s hand and type this message. ❤️

Sid was born on August 6th, weighing 7 lb 8 oz at 38+2 weeks. I was scheduled for an induction on August 11th, and the days leading up to it were honestly some of the hardest. The night of August 5th, I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I literally begged my baby to come out safely.

A few hours later, even though I wasn’t having any contractions or experiencing any other symptoms, my gut told me to go to L&D. To my surprise, I was already 5 cm dilated and 80% effaced, and I was admitted. Labor was mostly easy, and our baby boy arrived healthy and safe via vaginal delivery after just four pushes. 🩵

I delivered my beautiful daughter exactly 377 days before my son was born. She was born alive at 40 weeks in July of last year, but sadly passed away due to complications. We never got the answers we desperately hoped for, even after extensive genetic testing and a postmortem examination.

Both of my babies were born at the same hospital and delivered by the same OB, someone I trusted deeply throughout both journeys.

I still miss my daughter every single day, but having my son in my arms has soothed a part of me in ways I can’t fully describe. Five days after delivery, I developed postpartum preeclampsia and was admitted to the hospital again. It was another unexpected bump in the road, but I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who supported me throughout this journey. I’m so happy and grateful to finally be back home with my LC and my baby. ❤️

To all the mamas going through a pregnancy after a late loss: please be kind to yourself. Trust yourself, trust your body, and listen to that little voice inside you. You know your baby better than anyone. 💕💓

With the second anniversary of the loss of our son Theo, who was born at 25 weeks, approaching, so many emotions are coming back up.

We’ve been trying for another baby for about a year and a half now, and it has become incredibly exhausting. We conceived Theo naturally, but for baby number two we’ve already been through five IUIs, all without success. Before moving on to IVF, I’m now having a laparoscopy because of severe endometriosis and adenomyosis.

I see so many women who lost their babies after I lost Theo, and many of them are already holding their rainbow babies in their arms or are pregnant again. And I’m truly happy for them — but at the same time, it makes me feel so painfully alone. As if I’m the only one who went through such a devastating loss and then just can’t get pregnant again. As if I’m somehow not allowed to experience that kind of comfort or hope after everything that happened.

I feel like I have no strength left, and especially no patience anymore. I’m just so tired of waiting, hoping, trying, and being disappointed over and over again.

Daily chat to discuss anything related to pregnancy after loss.

You can also set your flair to show your due date and pregnancy history. You can do this by tapping the three dots (on mobile), and then selecting “change user flair.” Please ask a mod if you need help doing this. ❤️

Daily chat to discuss anything related to pregnancy after loss.

You can also set your flair to show your due date and pregnancy history. You can do this by tapping the three dots (on mobile), and then selecting “change user flair.” Please ask a mod if you need help doing this. ❤️

If you are a non-pregnant person who has had a stillbirth or neonatal death and have questions for our pregnant members, please post them here.

I'm finally writing her birth story, because it was so magical and redeeming, something I never dared to hope for. I didn't expect a positive birth experience. I just wanted a birth experience that ended with a living baby and a living mother, and that was all.

PAL is really, really hard, and honestly, no one in my life - expect my husband - could truly imagine what I've been through over the last two years. I'm so grateful for this amazing PAL community. You mamas have been such an incredible support and are truly inspiring. ❤️

My second daughter was born on July 22 at 38 weeks, exactly 13 months after my firstborn daughter, who died at the summer solstice and was born sleeping on June 22 at 37+6. (The dates are interesting enough)

We had planned an induction at 38 weeks. The final ultrasound wasn't particularly reassuring for me, as she was measuring tiny, around the 15th percentile. Overall, everything looked good to my OB, but her head hadn't engaged and she was positioned sunny-side up, so we decided to wait until 38+4 and giving her a couple more days to cook. My baby had other plans.

The next day, I planned a full-on distraction day: a family lunch, some quality time with my husband, relaxation, pregnancy workout and some spinning babies positioning exercises. At night, we went for a walk in the woods and drove around. We encountered so many animals with their little ones, and when we saw a tiny bunny, I thought it might be a sign that our baby would be here soon. (Lol, it really was a sign.)

I had a couple of Braxton Hicks contractions in the car, which were maybe a little stronger than usual. Maybe my positioning exercises worked a little too well, haha. After 10 pm, I started having contractions about 10 minutes apart. I thought it wasn't a big deal because they weren't really painful, but they just wouldn't stop, so I called my midwife. I took a bath to see if things would progress.

Well... things progressed really fast, I didn't realize it at the time. I don't know why I wasn't more worried, because my first birth progressed really quickly too. At night, it was a 90-minute drive to our chosen hospital, compared to two hours during the day (I wasn't worried of the distance because we planned an induction). In the car, my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. I was in a completely different dimension, really, but I will remember that drive forever. Between contractions, my baby kept nudging me, almost as if she was saying, "It's all good, Mama," just like she had throughout the entire pregnancy. Actually, I didn't have time to panic or worry. I just went with the flow.

We arrived at the hospital after 3 am, and thank God I didn't give birth in the car. By that time, I was already 8-9 cm dilated, and my midwife told me she would be on my chest within half an hour, which felt absolutely surreal. My OB was on call that night, so somehow every little detail seemed to fall perfectly into place.

We briefly decided that she would arrive in the tub. The warm water and oil massage felt so good. At first, I was on all fours, then I felt that it was time, so I lay back, and after two pushes, she was born in the water. And when I saw that the cord was around her neck, I was shocked. She cried immediately. They laid her on my chest, and my husband and I both cried, but there were other watery eyes in that room too.

She was a tiny little perfect baby, just looking around with her big, button-like eyes, probably wondering why my first question was, "Is she really okay?"

And this birth experience was everything I had ever wished for before everything happened: totally unmedicated, and I birthed my little water-sign baby in water. 🌊

I did this. I can't believe it.

Over the last 13 months, I have embraced my spiritual side, and my connection with my angel has grown stronger and stronger. I feel wrapped in her soul. I prayed and prayed for her little sibling and for her safety. I asked for signs and for her guidance. And I just know she's watching over us, and that she helped her little sister arrive safely.

This is me learning to carry a lifetime of grief, which has really been resurfacing these days with our newborn.

I’m so, so grateful for our little family. I’m truly wishing you all a positive birth experience and, most importantly, a healthy baby to bring home. 🤍

(Sorry if my English isn't perfect, it's my second language.)

Daily chat to discuss anything related to pregnancy after loss.

You can also set your flair to show your due date and pregnancy history. You can do this by tapping the three dots (on mobile), and then selecting “change user flair.” Please ask a mod if you need help doing this. ❤️

Hi everyone

I suppose I’m writing this to kind of vocalise some thoughts. 

Last year we tragically lost our second born. A baby boy lost at 40 weeks. No signs other than sudden reduced movements. We went in and no heart beat. I delivered him that evening via c section. We never got any answers as to why he died. His birth was my second c section. My firstborn, my daughter was born 2 and a half years before we lost him. To say his death destroyed me is an understatement. He looked perfect at 9lb. After the initial shock I was then desperate to fill my empty arms. Long story short, we got pregnant 6 months after the loss of my son. We had a chemical pregnancy between his loss and the pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful second daughter, my third baby. Pregnancy after loss was truly the hardest thing I’ve been through (after losing my son). I would say I was not sane. I was undergoing EDMR therapy for severe PTSD. However, finally taking my darling daughter home was a healing experience. It didn’t fully heal my broken heart but helped me see happiness again. And I want to tell those of you that are pregnant after loss that it is so worth it when the baby arrives. The constant worry, stress and anxiety is 1 million percent worth it.

I have two beautiful daughters and am so thankful. I do still yearn for my boy. I also feel like a mother of 3 but only have two earth side. 

I suppose my question is… has anyone been in my position, not long given birth and yearn for another baby already? I want more. I don’t know if it’s safe though. I’ve now had 3 c sections. 2 of those only 14 months apart. Has anyone here had more than 3 c sections? My surgeon said it all looked good in there when I was opened up last month. I don’t think I’m thinking rationally and maybe I’m chasing the ghost of my son. Or maybe knowing my body may not be able to cope with it makes me want what I can’t have. 

Daily chat to discuss anything related to pregnancy after loss.

You can also set your flair to show your due date and pregnancy history. You can do this by tapping the three dots (on mobile), and then selecting “change user flair.” Please ask a mod if you need help doing this. ❤️

Has anyone told you what this next birth might look like from a mental/emotional point of view? And the first few weeks? Are you already holding your rainbow baby and could you tell me some of the struggles you dealt with?

I know no one can tell me what I will be experiencing, but it would really help me to know what might be. Right now I have no clue what emotions, feelings, thoughts *might* come rushing over me when this baby arrives safely, and knowing will help make it less unexpected, and hopefully less overwhelming.

I have a great doctor helping me with this pregnancy and I have a medical psychologist at hand as well. However, the latter is not very experienced in stillbirth parents and I would really appreciate some insight in what might come my way. That way I'll recognize the emotion in the moment, and be less overwhelmed by it.

Thank you so much for the information. I hope others will be helped by it as well.

Lots of love and strength to you all 💕

Daily chat to discuss anything related to pregnancy after loss.

You can also set your flair to show your due date and pregnancy history. You can do this by tapping the three dots (on mobile), and then selecting “change user flair.” Please ask a mod if you need help doing this. ❤️