do i have an addiction?
hello, i'm 19m, i think i have some underlying issues going on idrk. lately i've just been having soo many mood swings that i don't know what to do about. i feel like i could just be depressed because i feel bummed every day but i've always been like that and i dont know what to compare it to. But anyway, i really don't even like getting off that much, it actually makes me feel so bad afterward, but lately i've had the need to do it atleast everyday or sometimes twice.
For context, I'd say its only started recently. I was dating this girl for a year and things were good at first, good sex, really connected well. Then things slowly went downhill, I'd say about 4 months in, the sex started to fade... she would give me those excuses middle aged wives would give, "not tonight, head hurts" every single time when we've just had the most amazing day. And if we EVER did it was just oral no penetration. No offense to my christians, but I'm not waiting till marriage. I'd say that was the leading factor in our breakup, I fell out of it not long after but I stayed because there's more important things than just sex, right?
Fast forward to now about 4 months after our breakup and my short time on dating apps, I met this new girl. She is amazing, again connected really well, but the sex is just IDK. We've been dating for 2 months, only done it a few times, but I'm really anxious about the same thing happening I guess, and I don't want to push anything onto her. Just yesterday she told me how she used to be hypersexual before because of trauma but she doesn't feel that way anymore. It honestly put a hole in my chest, I WANT her to feel comfortable but I also just want sex too. Because if I talk to her about it and she doesn't want it, I will end things. I can't do that again. I've been getting myself off before we hangout because I know my mind will try to seduce her, and I feel so ashamed. I really really like her, but I feel like it's all I can think about ALL DAY.
I just don't know what to do. I haven't felt this compulsive before my last relationship, I feel like it traumatized me somehow. If anyone has been in this situation before? Please give me advice. 🙏