I got married two years ago, and my husband and I live abroad. We recently came to India because I hadn’t seen my niece in two years, and he also had some work here. I’ve been living away from home since I was 15, and I’ve always been open about how difficult it has been to stay away from my family in order to pursue better exposure and education, especially since I come from a small town.
Before getting married, I used to tell him that I would like to spend more time with my family when we visit india maybe in a 60–40 balance and he would agree. Now that we’re in India, he has been very uptight about how I seem to want to spend more time with my family than with his.
We had also planned to spend two days out of the city with our friends. However, an emergency has come up, and I won’t be able to make it for those plans. I told him that I will meet him directly at his place, just as we had originally decided but he has not really shown any signs of cooperation. He said I should at least try getting on a train and arriving at the get together and that I am easily giving up on the options to get to the get together.
Lately, he has also been telling me that just because his mother doesn’t say anything doesn’t mean she is okay with it. His family is also not that great with communication so i doubt there will be any direct communication form his mother. He said that the next time we come to India, I will have to split my time equally between both families. I love my husband very much, but these rules and expectations are starting to make me feel that marriage as an institution are rigid, with little room for flexibility or practical understanding. I am extremely close to my family and I feel like its hard for the other side to understand it. I have no issues with my husband’s family but the tit for tat or the rules have started to suffocate me.