My positive medication abortion experience (6weeks)
I’ve decided I would love to share what turned out to be my (positive!!) medical abortion experience from last month.
I read about a million of these leading up to mine, and overall my entire experience was much more easeful (and even healing?) than I expected.
So I’d like to share 🫶🏻
I found out I was pregnant the day I should have gotten my period. I had wild dreams about fertilized eggs and my partners family, and took a test to assure myself I wasn’t pregnant— which was positive immediately. Cue sheer terror— I am 26 and in graduate school, and although I have a fantastic partner and want children so badly (some day!) this is not the time. My partner is 21, we’ve only been together 5 months, and I currently live with my parents and am in immense debt from schooling.
We pretty much knew immediately that we would abort, although we talked through all options and tried to chart a path for how we could possibly make it work. It would involve both of us dropping out of school (which we love) and moving states. My partner taking work he doesn’t actually want. All of that felt icky, heartbreaking, and sad because we love the lives we are living and building toward. And still, there were glimmers of joy in envisioning us stepping up and being parents. But there never was peace in this vision.
Abortion felt like the best option to be in integrity with our values and hopes for our lives, and the beautiful life we very much want to give to our child, eventually.
I called planned parenthood, and they informed me that I would need to wait at least 2 weeks to schedule a medication abortion, as I was only at the day of my missed period and the fetus would not be big enough yet to see its placement and development, and abortion is often not as accurate so early. I was stressed but also grateful to have two weeks to be with this pregnancy and contemplate everything.
I had no morning sickness, although I was exhausted, highly emotional, and overwhelmed for the last two weeks carrying this pregnancy I knew I would terminate. There were moments of joy still, too! My body loveddddd being around my Bf even more than usual. I had weird cravings and eating was more enjoyable than usual because of that. Indian food became a transcendental experience.
My appointment at PP was Thursday morning.
Ultrasound showed everything was developing where it should be. I got to keep a picture of the scan, which just looks like a tiny bean. It measured only a half centimeter and at my appointment, was in alignment with my last period, which placed me at 6 weeks, 2 days.
I took mifepristone in clinic around 11:30am. I had slight nausea after, and by evening, mild mild cramps, but was overall normal feeling.
BF and I went for sandwiches after, and then took a small hike, I wrote some prayers and gratitudes for this little spark of life visitor and teacher, who I came to know as exactly that. A passing visitor, contracted to experience my womb for a short time, and bring me and Bf into a deeper connection through tension and hard conversations.
Friday morning, I cried a little as I woke up knowing it was my last morning pregnant. Both relief, and sadness. Overall, a readiness. Tears down my face as I had an image of sending this little spark of life onwards to be with my grandmother, who is now an ancestor. Nothing about it felt wrong. It felt beautiful, and right, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult.
PREP:
I laid a waterproof blanket on my couch, and set up with my cozy items and some snacks and beverages. I made a nest of dark colored towels around my toilet so I can lay there if I need to throw up/generally be next to toilet. Heating pads on.
I would say— know yourself and reflect! What is your favorite place to be while on the heaviest day of your period? Are you a couch person, love a bed vibe, or hang in the bathroom? I alternated between couch and bathroom.
11:30am— I take 800mg ibuprofen, and a Zofran for potential nausea per recommendation of doctor at planned parenthood.
12pm— I said a prayer, cried a little, and took misoprostol dissolved in cheeks. I suck on some candy to distract me from the taste of the pills and would highly recommend this. After 30 min of sitting in mouth they had barely dissolved.
I drank a La Croix and swished in mouth and swallowed everything. Ick but glad to be done.
12:45– watching TV and light cramping begins. I let myself fall asleep.
3pm— woke up from nap and feel cramping (similar to what I feel on morning of first day of period) I feel a little trickle of blood, and get up to go to bathroom.
There is a lot of blood, like heavy period, small/medium clots.
Pain is 5/10 in waves. I lay back on couch and alternate to toilet, hanging out in there too.
4pm: I pass some larger clots. Cramping is the worst it got, at this point. This is the one part that felt unlike a period, and new to me. I am surprised that these seemingly large clots are passing with such ease— just sliding out. It’s effortless. Intuitively, I feel something is about to come out, and I put a small bowl under in order to catch.
I was right, and fascinated by what I have caught in the bowl— what I am assuming was the gestational sac. About the size of a quarter and squishy seeming. A clot next to it. I feel both relieved and a little sad after passing this, and I ask my boyfriend if he would like to see what I think is the clump of cells. He said yes and I showed him, and was fascinated as well.
We go into the yard together and I lovingly dug a hole in a planter box and buried the tissue there, where I will soon plant some flowers and milkweed for the butterflies.
I feel a HUGE sense of relief with this.
After this point, clots get progressively smaller and blood turns into a heavy trickle.
Waves off and on of cramps.
5:30– I eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup, take another round of ibuprofen, and keep riding it out on the couch. Still waves.
6-9pm: light snacking (pancakes 🤲🏻) cramps still coming in waves and taking trips to bathroom, but nothing ridiculous. Like a strong period at this point still. Stomach is fine and I am finding that eating and keeping blood sugar stable to really help me. BF and I talking and watching shows. At some point I tell him “I am soooo happy to be through the worst of this. I did it!” And he is proud. This has been such a hard thing for both of us and we are ready to not feel the weight of this looming, as we have for the past 2 weeks.
I fell asleep around 10pm on couch, I woke up around 12:45am and feel cramping fairly strong again. I eat some oatmeal cookies, take another big ibuprofen, drink more water.
Feeling massive relief still. Joy, even. Feeling grateful that this experience has been what it was, as I was expecting much worse.
1am— I take a shower (bled a little in shower but it feels goodddd) and put on some fresh pajamas. I get inspired to write this down because had I known that having this relatively positive experience was going to be the case for me, the last two weeks would have been a lot less fearful.
I was prepared to be shitting and throwing up during this experience. Neither happened and I was not even nauseated, except for a few minutes directly after having the pills in my mouth.
Of course, if you do, that is so normal, but I didn’t even consider that it might not be part of my experience and it is possible that it won’t be!! I thank the zofran.
This entire experience felt natural to me and I am so grateful that I opted for this. So grateful to have these options.
I now see medical abortion as amazing birth practice, if you let it be. Trusting your body, leaning into sensation and still, managing pain.
These are the things that help prepare us.
I feel more in touch with my womanhood and the essence of life than I ever have.
I’m actually grateful for this experience, although I wouldn’t have chosen it and hope to not ever do it again.
I find that treating this process, the embryo, and myself with respect and love has made a huge difference.
I feel immense lightness now. There is not a shadow of doubt in my heart that this decision was not “right.” Even if there is still a sadness, and the residual feeling of having just experienced intensity.
I feel calm and at peace, and even more lit up to go forth and live my life fully so that I may one day be a mother, and work toward readiness so that I may feel joy when I see a positive pregnancy test, instead of fear.
Thank you for reading! I believe in each of you— your sovereignty, ability to do hard things, to feel it all and make the choices that land as the best option in your own heart. Know that there are certain things you can control in this experience where much feels uncontrollable—- what you eat, what you watch or listen to, who you have with you. 🍉🫶🏻
I’d also add that I had heavy bleeding for 5 days following the process, then medium for 3 days, and now just very light occasional spotting about 20 days out.
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