I went into a department store for the first time. I usually just shop online to avoid people’s stares and being rude. But I was feeling confident today, and I decided to stop by a rack for a new purse.
I was not wearing makeup, but I was wearing women’s clothes, have live-in bob hairstyle (it’s not just long hair like a man would have), and I have small boobs (probably the biggest tell lol). I am tall for a woman (5’11”), but I’m also very skinny and not intimidating whatsoever. I’m not particularly passing (in either direction).
The fitting rooms were unmarked and two sides with a station for workers in the middle. The employee attending the fitting rooms asked how many items I had, and directed me to room. She tried to put me in one of the front stalls, but I asked to use one of the stalls in the back for privacy. She reluctantly agreed.
I did not notice it was the men’s side at first, since it was unmarked. I did notice a man walking out, but I assumed it was just a gender-neutral fitting rooms (I’m in a state with a lot of gender neutral spaces).
As I was leaving, I saw a guy walking into the other side, and the store employee redirected him by saying, “sir, the men’s changing rooms are over here” (where I was). I decided not to say anything. I am so reluctant to ever correct people or be anything but super polite. I want to leave people with good impressions of trans people.
I don’t know if it’s a big deal, but I was denied a public accommodation offered to other women for their safety and comfort, simply because I’m trans. And I was clearly uncomfortable (and statistically less safe) with being on the men’s side, since I asked for the back stall.
It was honestly the first time in my life I enjoyed shopping for clothes, and I didn’t feel just dysphoric and stressed the whole time. I just wonder if there’s a polite way to address this without leading to conflict or a bad impression with people.