I can attract women easily, but I struggle keeping connections long term - is this just modern dating in NYC?
I’m a 27M living in NYC and I’m genuinely confused about something in dating.
I’ve been single for about a year and a half. Before that, I was in two long-term relationships - one for 5.5 years and another for about a year - so I know I’m capable of commitment and building a real relationship.
I take care of myself, I’m social, confident approaching women, go on dates, have hobbies, career goals, good friendships, etc. I’ve been told I’m handsome/good looking, well groomed, smell good, dress well, and women do show interest in me pretty often. I meet women through dating apps and in real life pretty regularly.
The thing is: I don’t struggle attracting women - I struggle keeping connections going long term.
A lot of my dating experiences follow a similar pattern:
strong chemistry
great conversations
fun dates
mutual interest
sometimes intimacy
future plans discussed
then eventually things fade, someone loses interest, communication slows, or things end
Sometimes I lose interest too because I realize we’re not compatible, but a lot of times I genuinely feel confused because things seemed good.
One thing I noticed:
When I was less emotionally invested in dating and would text less/respond slower naturally, women seemed to chase me more and put in more effort. Now that I actually want a healthy long-term relationship and communicate more openly/consistently, things often fade faster.
I’m not love bombing people, rushing relationships, or pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m emotionally expressive but still independent. I enjoy my life single and I’m not desperate for validation. I’m honestly just trying to build something real with the right person.
At this point I genuinely can’t tell:
Is there something wrong I’m doing without realizing it, or is modern dating in a city like NYC just genuinely like this for a lot of people?
And for women specifically: what usually makes a guy go from “fun/exciting person to date” to someone you actually emotionally invest in long term?