I was with my ex for about 18/19 months. It started with name calling, I told him it was a boundary of mine, and unfortunately I let it slide a few times. I should have left after the first time.
The verbal abuse became worse, yelling, name calling, making threats.
Then it was punching holes in walls, punching and breaking a microwave, flipping a table toward me, throwing me against a wall and holding me off the ground by my shirt (pinned against the wall), he put his hands around my neck - although he didn’t fully choke me, he could of squeezed harder if he wanted to but it was still scary.
I’m ashamed that my kids were witnesses to some of this behaviour. I’ll never get the image of my baby crying and looking so scared while I was being thrown into the wall.
I feel so awful it took as long for me to leave as it did, like a POS of a mother.
Lately I’ve been replaying the events in my head. Some days it’s really hard for me to focus and I end up missing work or school because I’m just overthinking and ruminating - those thoughts are really hard to turn off.
He has a new girlfriend and she’s a psychiatrist. I wonder if he’s changed. I wonder if he regrets how he treated me. I really hope he doesn’t hurt someone else.
We broke up about 9 months ago. We have been no contact since. Why is all this just coming up for me now? It’s been so long, even one of my girlfriends said “I thought you’d be over it by now”