At what point do intrusive thoughts become just being a disgusting person
For the longest time I've had constant intrusive thoughts that I couldn't control and let roam freely in my mind which made the thoughts way worse. Eventually, I started performing acts I do not agree are morally acceptable (non-illegal I believe). It randomly stopped/started happening less frequently for a few years AND IT STARTED AGAIN. I'm not sure what I did to make it stop the last time but I want an effective method to stop both my intrusive thoughts and my intrusive actions(??? Is there a word for that idk)
I keep seeing people say "Just remember those thoughts don't define you and just observe those thoughts" but that's exactly what's making me act in a wrongful way. I can't just classify those thoughts as "just thoughts" because I can't seem to see them that way and I hate myself for it.
(I know I should probably be talking to a therapist about this but I'd rather shoot myself than do that so any sort of help or support from here would be appreciated 💔)