u/ConstantTurbulence12

I once had a talk with an (ex) male friend after my breakup. During that chat, I told him I was childfree, and he responded by saying "what's the point of wanting a marriage if you don't want kids"?

My response to him at the time was more from a legal perspective. I discussed hospital visitation rights, medical decision-making authority, inheritance rights, and veteran survivor benefits etc. Basically everything that gay couples fight for.

It only occurred to me now that most men wanted marriage for very different reasons. I approach marriage thinking of "how we can take care of each other when we need it". But he approaches it thinking "free unlimited sex and making babies".

Anyway, we're no longer friends because he made me uncomfortable more than once. He's one of those guys who broke up with his gf because she wouldn't have sex with him. I severed ties with his friend group too, because they had proven to me that birds of a feather flock together.

Funnily, now I totally agree with that ex-friend for very different reasons. Why the heck do I need to get married? If I am financially independent, there is literally no need to put myself through the ordeal by marrying a man and dealing with the legal issues (+time, money, mental health) if that marriage falls apart.

Hi all, I'm currently going through the process of getting a home loan.

1- Do I use the mortgage agent recommended by the property agent?

2- I am very confused by the number of lawyers involved in the process. I have a conveyancing lawyer contact. She gives me a significant discount but she's not on any bank panel so she can only handle SPA. Will that be more expensive than just asking a bank panel lawyer to do SPA + Loan agreement

Would I be better off contacting banks directly for loan application and compare rates, then use my own conveyancing lawyer? Or is mortgage agent + bank panel lawyer for both SPA and loan agreement a good option for convenience and simplicity

Any advice would be appreciated :)

Hello all, I'm a first time homebuyer who previously posted about buying a 30-year-old subsale and received so many helpful comments from everyone here. Post is here if anyone's interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/MalaysianPF/s/R2AK0mnXrg (buying for own stay purpose)

Tldr: I'm debating between a 30 y.o. subsale available immediately and a gov-subsidised SAMM unit that will VP in 2 more years

Long story short, the Bangsar South subsale is a very old freehold unit (1b1b, 750sqft) currently going for 370k. I have visited the condo twice and find it to be well-managed, but I have not done any professional inspection for the unit I'm interested in.

Today, I was contacted and offered a SAMM (Servis Apartmen Mampu Milik) unit in PJ Atera. It's a 1b1b 550sqft for 270k. Not a fan of the environment but the price is very appealing. VP in late 2028. As I didn't check the housing dept portal religiously, I had no idea about the offer and forgot about the fact I've applied, until the developer contacted me. So the deadline to confirm is very tight rn.

I honestly am not sure which one to go for, so once again, I'm posting here to gather input from you all 😂 Thanks!

I'm 31F making RM7k/month from my full-time job and side gig. I'm interested in a 1B1B subsale condo unit listed for RM370k in a good location in KL for own stay. Reasons for buying: (1) I'm currently paying RM1.7k rent + RM200 utilities monthly for a 1B1B rental in Selangor (2) My job and social life are all centred in KL, and I'm getting tired of the commute.

I'm slightly concerned about the age of the subsale, which is 30 years old, but on my two visits so far, it seemed very well maintained. The unit is currently tenanted. If I commit to this unit, I'd like to do a subsale inspection and also negotiate down to RM340–350k, which is closer to recent transacted prices in the building.

I'd like some advice or thoughts regarding this purchase or subsale condos in general before I make the commitment. Have you ever bought an older subsale in recent years, and how did it work out for you? Also, I'm not sure how to go about the subsale inspection step, especially when the unit is tenanted. I've asked people around me, and apparently none of them hired a professional inspector before buying their subsale properties. Would love to get some recommendations or advice regarding this as well.

Thanks for reading! (And sorry for yet another home purchase post)

It's been more than a year since that horrible breakup. We dated for 6 years. Letting go of that relationship felt like ripping part of my heart out.

I've grown a lot during that time, and I'm happy to report that, for the first time in my life, I'm proud of what I've built, and I know what I really want in life.

At the same time, I realize the grief never goes away. It no longer hurts as much as before. A year ago, I was a mess, trying to navigate a toxic new job and an uncomfortable living arrangement after the breakup with a minimal support system. There were countless times I just couldn't go on anymore (due to exhaustion), but I told myself to keep going because there was no other choice (aka adulthood lol).

Anyway, I wished him a happy birthday yesterday after debating for a while. These gestures are getting pointless, as we do not communicate other than the yearly birthday wishes. I don't know what that even proves... That we'd never forget each other? Well, I know for sure I'd never forget him, though it's not like this would do me any good.

I don't spiral nowadays, but I admit that I don't feel good, and I wish I could block the memories. I briefly mentioned it to my bestie, who seems to have an avoidant personality and tried to brush it off. I wish she hadn't brush off my feelings, because that hurts. Why do we have to force ourselves to be nonchalant after a breakup? Does the first one who "gets over it" win? There is no deadline for grieving. Maybe she doesn't get it because she's never broken up with her first love. I also decided to stop joking about bagging new, hot boyfriends with people around me. It gave them an illusion that I was ready to date, that I'm totally over it, which is far from the truth.

I'm doing much better, just a little emotional. And I learn that it's ok to feel not ready to move on. All I could do is patiently wait for the day when that feeling finally lifts, however long that would take.

A little bit of context: I (31F) left home four years ago and rented a room because I could no longer stand living with my parents. My parents were horrible to me before and right after I moved out; they wanted full control of my life, and when I fought back, they shunned me. I later moved in with my ex, but we only cohabitated for 1 year before breaking up. I fear and dislike my parents so much that I did not tell them about the breakup; I could think of all the nasty things my mom would say about the breakup, not directly to me but behind my back, something she's very good at doing so she could mask her nastiness. But my parents eventually learned about the breakup because my sibling and my relatives talk.

After the breakup, I moved places twice, which was a nightmare, and finally settled down at my current rental. I now live alone happily (which is a GREAT achievement considering I was passively s*icidal for many years). I am also actively looking to buy a one-bedder.

My relatives who are close to me know of my intention to buy an apartment. Anyway, my mom reached out today, offering an interest-free loan that I'll pay back in monthly installments. She and my dad* suggested a very specific neighborhood where I'm currently apartment hunting. And that is why I'm 99.9% sure my relatives told my parents everything.

*Why is she always a fucking spokesperson for my absent dad?

Although my mom proposed a very enticing offer, my immediate response was "no way I'm gonna be beholden to someone, especially not to THAT family". My cousins, who are extremely sheltered and well cared-for, do not understand why I refuse financial help that will make my life easier. One even asked me to get an interest-free loan from either my family or my uncles, as they are well-off. At this point I'm done explaining myself to my cousins.

I guess my parents are reaching out to reconcile now because they worry that I wouldn't care for them when they need it. Either that, or they enjoy reasserting control over me. Judging from my attitude, you could tell how I feel about my parents. There is no love in this family, just hierarchy, control, and shaming (comparing me to other daughters, saying I earned too little, forcing me to break up with my partner etc etc). I have come so far to kill the inner critic and shame in me (which is basically my mom speaking), and the last thing I want is to regress.

I haven't thought of an appropriate response just yet. Ngl the interaction ruined my night a little, which is a shame because I had a really good day at work and had some plans to wind down. I just wanted to write this out to get it off my chest... And this community is probably the only group of people who will get it.

Tldr: I'm looking to buy an apartment. Estranged parents offered interest-free loan, triggering past trauma and ruining my night a little.