A little bit of context: I (31F) left home four years ago and rented a room because I could no longer stand living with my parents. My parents were horrible to me before and right after I moved out; they wanted full control of my life, and when I fought back, they shunned me. I later moved in with my ex, but we only cohabitated for 1 year before breaking up. I fear and dislike my parents so much that I did not tell them about the breakup; I could think of all the nasty things my mom would say about the breakup, not directly to me but behind my back, something she's very good at doing so she could mask her nastiness. But my parents eventually learned about the breakup because my sibling and my relatives talk.
After the breakup, I moved places twice, which was a nightmare, and finally settled down at my current rental. I now live alone happily (which is a GREAT achievement considering I was passively s*icidal for many years). I am also actively looking to buy a one-bedder.
My relatives who are close to me know of my intention to buy an apartment. Anyway, my mom reached out today, offering an interest-free loan that I'll pay back in monthly installments. She and my dad* suggested a very specific neighborhood where I'm currently apartment hunting. And that is why I'm 99.9% sure my relatives told my parents everything.
*Why is she always a fucking spokesperson for my absent dad?
Although my mom proposed a very enticing offer, my immediate response was "no way I'm gonna be beholden to someone, especially not to THAT family". My cousins, who are extremely sheltered and well cared-for, do not understand why I refuse financial help that will make my life easier. One even asked me to get an interest-free loan from either my family or my uncles, as they are well-off. At this point I'm done explaining myself to my cousins.
I guess my parents are reaching out to reconcile now because they worry that I wouldn't care for them when they need it. Either that, or they enjoy reasserting control over me. Judging from my attitude, you could tell how I feel about my parents. There is no love in this family, just hierarchy, control, and shaming (comparing me to other daughters, saying I earned too little, forcing me to break up with my partner etc etc). I have come so far to kill the inner critic and shame in me (which is basically my mom speaking), and the last thing I want is to regress.
I haven't thought of an appropriate response just yet. Ngl the interaction ruined my night a little, which is a shame because I had a really good day at work and had some plans to wind down. I just wanted to write this out to get it off my chest... And this community is probably the only group of people who will get it.
Tldr: I'm looking to buy an apartment. Estranged parents offered interest-free loan, triggering past trauma and ruining my night a little.