I’m letting myself eat and it’s killing me
I’ve had body dysmorphia for as long as I can remember, I don’t know where it stems from but it doesn’t go away. I don’t starve myself and I don’t binge eat, but I ruminate so heavily on things. I think I was 9 years old when I started reading calories.
earlier in the year, I would push off eating lunch until around 4 (breakfast at 7, so like 9 hours between meals) and it usually led to eating junk or just generally stuff that’s not enough sustenance. i eat normally now and it feels awful that im not feeling that intense hunger again. Like I always feel so bloated and disgusting. My weight is the same so I don’t think it’s more fat but also it’s constant and i cant tell if it’s in my head or not. i can’t resist cravings (like for example today I tried to tell myself I would eat after school and that I wouldn’t eat any sugar, then ended up eating lunch and a couple cookies from my friends). Ive been trying to focus on working out but now that finals are rolling around I’ll have to push that back for a couple weeks and its all driving me insane
ive been trying to focus on eating only when hungry but it’s way harder than it should be and the most ironic thing is that I’m such an advocate for being healthy, I have so many friends I’ve given the ”it’s important to eat” talk to that I honestly really doubt anyone could pick up this is such an issue for me. It freaks me out to think what this thinking could do to me