How do you get your relationship back after having a baby?
My husband and I have been together for a little under 5 years. Married for a little over a year of it. There is so much resentment and anger with each other lately.
Here’s how it all started: (skip to the next cut if you don’t want to hear about all the backstory and want to just read my current issue lol)
We met in high-school in November 2021 via friends, then started dating in March 2022. This was the best point in our relationship. We went out, had stay in dates, spent almost every day together. In October 2023, I moved in with him & his parents. He proposed in July 2024. While we were engaged we started having some troubles (mostly relating to living with his parents) but otherwise we were still so close and had an amazing relationship. We planned the wedding for March 2025. (only 8 months since the proposal).
Starting planning to move out on our own into mid-late January 2025, and decided to move late February. Found out I was pregnant in early February, so we moved out a little closer to early february (it was very rushed). We had lots of issues and arguments, I was going through all kinds of changes & hormones etc etc. We were both working at the time. I didn’t like how he did things, he didn’t like how I did. I guess we never noticed these things when we lived with his parents. Got married in March 2025, and we never had a honeymoon phase. Hell we even argued and fought on our honeymoon!!
Then we moved back in with his parents in October, (2 weeks before the baby was due) due to issues with the apartment and I had to stop working, didn’t get my short term disability for over a month. It wasn’t so bad, it was a pretty good situation. They gave up their guest bedroom to be a nursery for our son, and were willing to make compromises. Fast forward a bit, they sold their house and wanted to move (invited us) and we kindly accepted to move in with them. Now we are on the lease and pay part of the rent for the current house.
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Now our relationship is a nightmare. We always argue, we fight, no feelings were taken into consideration while I was pregnant or post partum. I’m not working anymore and get to stay home with our baby since we are still living with his parents, but he uses the “i go to work so i don’t have the energy” excuse. Everytime i ask him to take the baby or spend time with him he will groan, he’ll do it, but reluctantly. He is always listening or watching youtube, always has an earbud in. We haven’t gone on a single family outing together. It’s always just me and our son. I try to to talk to him and he goes “mhm, uh huh” etc etc, but then gets mad at me or pulls a guilt card about how we never talk since the baby was born.
Our son (7 months) is exclusively breast fed, still sleeps in our room in his own crib, and my husband thinks he shouldn’t be breast fed anymore and he needs to go to his own room. The reason he is still in our room is because the nursery is all the way across the house (not possible to switch rooms around as the master is in the middle, and his parents have it). I am also hard of heading and wear a hearing aid, so the chances of me hearing him are slim. I’m also a deep sleeper. My husband WILL NOT wake up no matter how hard or long the baby is crying for. (We tried with the baby monitor but I never woke up to it, I only seem to wake up when I can actually hear him). I will probably put him in his own room and sleep in there myself.
My husband is a very strongly opinionated man. If he doesn’t like something, he will show it. He often yells and get very upset even for the tiniest thing. For example, if he stubs his toe he will literally get mad and blame someone else because whatever he stubbed his toe on was there. He can’t stop cussing or yelling or raising his voice when near the baby, which causes LO to start getting fussy or cry. I am grateful that he works hard, but he always has to make it known that “my life is easy” and he is a hard worker. He wanted applause for doing the dishes or picking up the dog poop outside. His parents (especially his dad) are not any better. Honestly, I feel like living with them is what ruined our relationship. You have to walk on eggshells around his dad, he’s a ticking time bomb- EVERYTHING sets him off. They pay the majority of the rent so they pull the “my house my rules card “ which is understandable to a degree. For example our son goes to bed at 8-8:30. The washer & dryer are right next to our bedroom so I’ve asked everyone to not do laundry so late because LO is a light sleeper. Their response (including my husband) is usually “he needs to learn to sleep with noise” or “it’s my house i’ll do whatever i want, i’ll do laundry until midnight if i wanted to”. This is all just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more but I would be here forever.
I definitely went off track a bit, but my question still stands- how the hell do my husband and I fix our relationship? We can’t even look at each other without feeling smoke coming out of our ears. (TMI but we haven’t had sex yet either in over a year, which definitely plays a part in it but i don’t even want to. I don’t even feel attracted to him anymore.)
EDIT: This is the main reason for us not being sexually active, I had a C-Section and a part of my scar is still open and will not heal. I’ve seen the Dr many times about it and they all say the same thing. I also genuinely cannot get turned on anymore, I have NO desire to do anything sexual.
TL; DR - Our relationship is strained, and I feel like our marriage and living with his parents may have been what actually ruined it.