How do I tell my nephew he can’t come on holiday with us.
Hi Reddit
I’m planning to go to London with my sisters and fiancé this july both as a holiday, because we haven’t had one in ages, and to see two artists in concert. We’re all adults and planning to just let loose a bit after we’ve had a rough year.
For the past two years or so, we’ve been trying to involve my fiancé’s nephew (M15) in the family a bit more, since he too had been having a really tough time. We’ve been getting along great and have a lot in common. He told me he was jealous of me going to aforementioned concert (mcr for who’s wondering) and told me he wish he could go too and he knew his mom would love it as well. Assuming his mom would go with him, I stupidly told him to try and see if he could get tickets as well.
He got the ticket and was over the moon. I was really happy for him too and we started planning and talking about it. Now later on he told me his mom couldn’t go because of work and so automatically assumed he could go with us on the whole 1,5 week holiday. He’s a sweetheart, but also a 15 year old child. I told him that I was sorry but we’re not planning on babysitting him for so long and we couldnt really get the vacation we wanted when he’s there. It felt a bit harsh but he can be a lot, and I just cant deal with that constantly by my side when im going there to relax. He told me he was going to talk to his mom and stepdad about what to do, and came back to tell me his stepdad looked it up and saw it’s illegal to go back home by himself by train since he’s underaged, and he’s afraid to go alone too so plane’s off the table (we’re from the Netherlands), but he can behave and we can do whatever we want when he’s around.
Back then I told him we can talk about it later because I was at a party and didnt feel like discussing it then. Now whenever he brings it up it seems like he thinks he’s going with us anyway because he can’t go back alone, and i kinda brush it off because i dont know how to be clearer about not wanting him there without being too harsh. He’s a sensitive kid and he doesnt have a lot of people. I dont want to make him feel like he’s a bother or unwanted and I know the disappointment is gonna be huge for him.
I’ve thought about asking my fiancé to talk with his mom since she’s his ex-aunt and i feel like she couldve handled the situation better as well. Even though i’m not quite sure what nephew told her, I thought my initial no was pretty clear. However, since we’re pretty close it would feel a bit backhanded to talk to her instead of him self. Also I feel like maybe i should fix it with him myself since i was the one who spurred him on to try and get tickets and come with us.
I’ve been procrastinating which makes me feel even more guilty so I just want to rip the bandaid off. But I just dont know how to make it absolutely clear without making him feel sad.
ps. Sorry if the story’s a bit incohesive or if there’s spelling mistakes. I wrote this quickly at work cause i’ve been ignoring him
Edit:
I should've made clearer i dont actually mind him tagging along for the concert and going back the day after, which is what i proposed after finding out his mom couldnt come with.
Edit edit:
I know I should tell him, that's why I made the post.. my question is how i could tell him best without hurting him too much.
Edit edit edit??:
Thanks everyone for thinking along w me. When i get back from work i'll ask my fiancé to text his aunt so we can have a conversations w the four of us so nothing can be assumed or misunderstood anymore. I hope we'll find a way he can come w us to the concert. No need for responding anymore 😄