My fiancée’s baby mom and him got into a huge argument yesterday over us getting married and now I genuinely don’t know what to do.
For context, let’s call my fiancé Fred. Fred and I have only officially been dating a few months, but he’s been my best friend for over a year. We already knew each other deeply before dating the good, the bad, how we communicate, how we handle stress, all of it. This relationship feels healthy and safe in a way I’ve never experienced before. Last month he proposed and instead of waiting years, we decided we want to elope now and have a larger wedding next year.
Fred has a 7-year-old son. I actually met his son while Fred and I were still just friends. We built a bond naturally and his son absolutely adores me, and I adore him too. I try very hard to respect boundaries because I never want to overstep his mom’s role. His mom has even acknowledged and appreciated that I keep those boundaries in place.
The issue is… she does not like me at all, and I honestly don’t know why. Her and Fred have not been together in 5-6 years. Their son keeps telling her he’s happy for us and okay with us getting married, but she refuses to believe him and says years down the line he will be mad at us for getting married cause she "just knows that". She keeps saying this is “too much” for him and now wants to go back to mediation over it.
She also keeps telling Fred that we’re going to divorce anyway “just like her parents did, and his parents did” and because of that she doesn’t want their son attending the wedding at all even tho he wants too.
Now I’m sitting here feeling like I caused this huge rift even though all I did was fall in love with someone and build a relationship with his child carefully and respectfully. I love both of them deeply, but now I feel guilty and anxious that I’ve created chaos in their co-parenting situation.
What do I even do here? Do I step back? Do we continue with our plans and ignore the noise? Has anyone dealt with a bitter co-parent situation like this before?