I can't do this anymore
18F I'm trying to hold out; I really am.
I have food, a roof over my head, friends, opportunities for work, opportunities for college and learning, and possibilities to fulfill my dreams in content creation and making people smile.
But I just can't do it.
Everything I put my mind to, I seriously can't do anything
It might be called laziness, inconsistency, or a bum
I don't know.
I want to do so many things; I dream of so many things, but one thing is stopping me.
My mind, my body, my emotions
I can't do anything productive, or I end up having a mental crisis. I try to distract myself by watching shows and videos, bulimia, reading, and listening to music.
anything to take myself out of my body
That's all I live by.
All I can do is distract my mind and hurt my body.
Here we go... Get a job, go on dates, focus on your career, meet new people, learn new things, get money, become social, be active, be productive, establish a routine, diet, be pretty, message everyone back, don't be rude, always smile, do your work, keep your head down, and listen to everyone higher.
I can't do it.
I've also been on meds; seen a psychiatrist, therapist, dietician, and medical doctor; had blood work, check-ups, a lot of therapy, if anyone suggests that.
I've tried just about everything under the sun. (Is the next step becoming an addict at this point?)
There's no cure for hopelessness.
I haven't slept in days because it means I have to stop distracting myself from it.
I feel so content in the pain I am in.
Someone asked me if I really wanted help, and I always said yes.
But how could I when I'm so comfortable living in pain now?