u/ContraSamsara

These past few days, I've been finding more and more ways to check my phone and doomscroll at any chance I get.

My mind always feels hazy after, and it has affected my attention span to the point that I find it difficult to concentrate on tasks such as journaling or reading books.

I feel like my brain is always on the move to do something else that is easier and gives more "excitement." I find myself giving up easily on continuing with tasks that are "boring" or offer the slightest resistance. I can't even go on a walk or sit in silence without any video or music playing.

I think all of this stems from a habit of avoiding boredom. My mind feels uncomfortable when its not constantly playing something and I want to be able to accept this discomfort. I also think that if I learn to be bored again, I can have a better attention span and have more space to think creatively.

Do you guys have any advice on what I can do to learn to better accept or tolerate boredom? Thank you!

For context, I live in a country where romantic relationships seem to be the ideal in almost all facets of our culture. I notice this in all of the most popular songs, which are almost explicitly about romance, rom and to the books and films we have, which can have different themes, but almost always involve some romantic subplot.

Usually, I would not mind. I guess I've grown used to it after growing up with all those "happily ever after films. After some time, I've learned to just appreciate that other people can experience love in such ways and express them in their art. Besides, I could always just listen to a different song or read another book. There are countless other media that explore other parts of the human experience; I choose to focus on the fact that I can access them easily.

What's difficult for me is that amatonormativity is just so prevalent that I could feel it seep into my friendships with other people. I notice our group chats become so excited when talking about their partners and their experiences, and I always end up feeling less of a person because I don't have experiences like theirs. I know I don't really want a romantic relationship, but sometimes, I can't help but wish that I have one just so that things can be easier.

I guess I just feel tired of adjusting to these amatonormative norms and always feeling so conscious of how different I am. I treat my friends as people I want to be with my whole life, but I can't help but get this impression that friendships are considered secondary and even temporary. I can't blame them for feeling this way, as this is the culture we grew up with, and I can't get mad at them for having a partner that they love and feel this way for.

I just feel sad that for most of my allo friends and those that I will make in the future, I feel like I will lose them eventually. Maybe I am just overreacting, but it certainly does feel that way when society awards romantic relationships with so much more social significance than friendships. I can't but feel that no matter how much I care about my friendships, I'll end up all alone by myself some day.

Maybe I just needed to let this out because it's been going on in my mind for some time. I guess it's also because I haven't really tried to make friends with other arospec people, at least in my country. If you guys have any similar experiences or thoughts, feel free to comment. Thanks!