I (21F) want to breakup with my boyfriend (22M) but don't know how and when, so how did you do it/any advice on this should be handled? (3y relationship, currently long distance and he booked his tickets to visit me in a few weeks )
Throwaway account as he knows my other account. This evening I got a message from my boyfriend informing me via text that he has booked a ticket to come visit me in a few weeks and he wants to stay around 2 weeks as we are currently long distance due to my studies. The issue is my first reaction to seeing this was "Oh,no! I do not want him here!" Instead of the usual excitment, which made me rethink the whole relationship and made me realise that I'm unhappy and do not love him anymore and this has been going on for a while. The issue is, I have never really broken up with someone, especially without like a "real reason" such as cheating etc... so I do no know how to proceed.
To give more context, firstly it is not the first time we are long distance, so this is not a real problem for us. Secondly, like I said before there is no real trigger point, but we have been fighting a lot recently about unmet needs. He is the kind of person that cares a lot about words of affirmation and gift giving, while I care about experiences and acts of services, so he complains that I do not fulfill his needs which is a very fair point. And since we are long distance, my needs are unmet and whenever we meet we don't really do anything even if I want to and there are no acts of services on his part, or honestly only failed attempts. Additionally another point of complaint, is the future, as I do not project myself relationship wise as I feel like we are too young and he does quite a lot. My complaint is that he doesn't listen to me or forgets the info I give him so I also built some resentment towards this and I can not rely on him when I have issues as he is quite impatient when I talk about the same things or completly doesn't react/care when I tell him personal stuff, while I always have a listening ear for him. Honestly, he is also quite insecure as a person and compares every interaction I have with mutual online friends to us, and the same with my real life friends, which makes me have to walk on eggshells around him, when I interact with others and he is there. I also noticed that just before big events in my life, like my graduation or exam season, he only thought about himself and chose to fight with me in those moments, as I was more absent (He has appologized for this, but I just can't seem to forget this and any other bad thing he did). Those are a few reasons that make me feel like we are incompatible and have grown apart.
Another big reason I struggle to break up with him is that he doesn't have and doesn't want to get another support system that isn't me, he talks about feeling lonely but doesn't want to find friends and his family is also not the best (they are quite double sided with him, where one day everything is fine and the next everything goes to sh**t). So I feel like this would break him, if i where to ever break up with him, and I do not want this as I still care for him as a person, just not the person for me. Its awful to say but I honestly wish he cheated on me, as it would make this easier to deal with. Additonally, he just got fired from his job due to health reasons (nothing really major, but the job in general was treating him quite badly) so it really feels like a really bad timing to break up, as he wouldn't have any distractions. Timing wise I do not know how to tackle this and how as again he just bought the tickets even though he got just fired (obviously he should have asked before booking it, we had talked about him coming but not in details dates wise etcc). So I don't know if I should just deal with the two weeks and break up at the end or pay half to reimbourse his ticket and break up this week. Especially, since a call/video chat feels so not personal in a way. Also I know that we will fight for this relationship, but here again I do not if he does it, because he truly loves me as person or if he is just too afraid to loose the only person in his life that truly listens (which were his words btw) . So advice on how to deal with a person that won't accept a break up would be great as well. Thank you so much in advance and have a nice day!
TLDR: Need advice on how to break up with my boyfriend even though he did nothing wrong, it feels like we have grown apart, but we are currently long distance. He also booked tickets to come in a few weeks and stay for 2 weeks, which was my realisation point, so timing wise if you have any advice on when I should do it (in person when he comes or on a call, this week) and how to deal with someone that will probably try everything to prevent this from happening.