Am I overreacting to a co-worker who is constantly touching me at work?
I just want to start out by saying all names have been changed to help protect identities.
I (28M) have been working at a private school for almost three years now. There has been no big issues with my coworkers in the first two and a half years but in January of this year a new teacher (24F), let's call her Amber, was hired to replace one that left. At first, I was excited for a new coworker and possibly a new friend but that excitement quickly disappeared after the first few weeks of her working. In the first few days of Amber working at the school, she was really eager to get to know all the faculty and staff members but as the days went by I noticed she had the tendency to tap me on my shoulder or brush against me or just generally try to make physical contact with me whenever she sees me or is talking to me. At first, I thought she was just a really touchy person with no bad intentions so I did not make a big issue out of it. But as the weeks continued, I started to notice the touching so much more and it began to make me feel uncomfortable. Some examples of the touching if she is siting next to me is she will poke my side or legs, or rub my arms, or touch my hair, or bump my feet with hers.
I spoke to another coworker, let's call him Jim (30M), about the touching and he told me that Amber does it to him too but has noticed that she does it to me significantly more and seems to make much more effort to be around me/talk to me. Jim suggested that I talk to Amber directly and just ask her to stop the touching but I am scared that it might make the working environment worse. Jim says that it is very obvious that Amber likes me and that it is partly my fault for not directly shutting down her touching/flirting. I will say that although I do not directly shutdown her flirting or touching, I never reciprocate it. I actively try to avoid her now. If she's in the teacher's room, I will leave. If she happens to go to lunch while I am there, I will leave. If I am unable to leave the room, I make sure to sit in a spot where she can't sit beside me or in-between other co-workers. In situations that I must sit beside her or be around her, I avoid eye contact or don't talk at all. Besides Jim, I have talked to another coworker, let's call her Mary (26F), about the touching and how I feel but she says that although she understands how I feel, it is partly my fault for not shutting it down sooner and the since I did not address the touching sooner, it looks like I am leading her on. Yes, I have never addressed it directly with Amber but I feel like I make it pretty obvious that I don't like the touching or that I don't like her back in a romantic way. I will pull my arm away or slide my chair away a little, or completely stop talking. I feel like these are obvious signs but idk.
Mary happens to work closely with Amber because they teach the same subjects and they are genuinely friends. I am too scared to talk to Amber about this but after 5 months of her touching, I don't think I can take it anymore. I am thinking of looking for a new job or reporting her to HR. The last thing I want to say is that the touching has gotten so bad that many of my students have asked me if Amber and I are dating. I try to shutdown the rumors from the students' side so that there are no misunderstandings with them but it doesn't seem to be working.
I feel like I'm being sexually harassed. After speaking to Jim and Mary, they just make me feel like it's my fault for being harassed. Also, I feel that if the genders were the other way around, there would be no one defending her actions, that it would be obvious sexual harassment. I'm just scared she might get mad and try to turn this around and get me in trouble with HR or fired.
So, am I overreacting for considering new employment or reporting her to HR for the constant touching?